Should I allow my son to be adopted?

Question

I have not see my son for 5 yrs because of his mother always hiding because she had warrants for her arrest. I had no contact with him and he is 10 now. She wants her husband to adopt him now and I had a paternity test ordered to be sure and then i thought I would talk to him and see what he wants. Because honestly , he doesn't know me and he lives with his new family. Just don't know what to do and I don't want to be selfish. If he loves the guy he lives with now, maybe I should let it happen. so torn about this.

Answer 1

I'm confused about who has the warrants for whose arrest, and why?

Anyway, for whatever reason those warrants were issued, do not blindly give up paternity to your son. At 10, he is old enough to have a talk with you, and make a choice. In the years ahead, he may come back at you and blame you for abandoning him, and he was a ping pong ball in your not very close relationship with his mother. Whatever it costs, and whoever you have to see, and use what ever leverage you must, you and your son need to have a talk. Plane tickets are cheap. Ask him what his wishes are. And honor his choice. And don't demand that he decide immediately. This way, at age 21, he will have been responsible for the decision, not you, not your ex, and not her husband. And that, hon, is how it ought to be. Children usually can opt to live with one or the other parent, and can be left by themselves at age 12. He may wish to decide in less than two years, but don't ask him to decide immediately.

Answer 2

Im not going to be rude answering this just my honest opinion. If your paying childsupport and have a court order to see the child and she is preventing you from doing so she is in contempt of court. You can be a father to this boy and so can her new husband. You may not be "daddy" {since you have not been active in his life} but he should be allowed to know who you are. If you have no emotional attachment to this child and feel it would be best for his new father to adopt him allow them to start the court proceedings do not just sign away your rights many states wont even allow that. Do you think when he is grown that he will not want to see you even IF the mother is preventing it now, do you wonder how much resentment he'll have towards you for walking away. If the mother always has warrents for her arrest petition for custoday if you want him in your life the courts do take into consideration how much "trouble" a person has been in when determining what is best for the child. If you havent seen him in 5 yrs as you claim and the courts ask why explain to them she did not let you, unless the truth really is you just didnt want to deal with the mom or the child. Either way follow your heart and dont look back and when this child comes looking for you be prepaired to answer his questions as to why you walked away from him. My answer would be totally different if the child was a newborn and you knew that giving him up for adoption would give him a better life but what you say of the mother doesnt make his life better just more complicated

Answer 3

If that's your son, why would you give up your rights as a father? Why don't you try to pursue a relationship with him. It's never too late. That boy can grow to love you and admire you for wanting to be part of his life. He needs as many positive role models in his life as he can get. Don't be so quick to give up on him because you don't know him. Tell the mother you want to be a part of his life. Even if you only get to see him a couple of times a year. There are so many ways that you can keep in touch with him other than living nearby. You can call him regularly, write him letters, set up an e-mail (if at all possible) account for him. Be creative. Show him that he means the world to you and there's nothing you wouldn't do to stay in contact with him. It's great that he has another man in his life that's willing to take on the father "title", but he doesn't need a piece of paper to feel like he's also a father in his life. Don't give up on your son. Let him see that your love for him is unconditional. Remember, he's learning from your examples. That boy needs his father and you need him in your life too. Good luck!

Answer 4

I think your son may think you don't care enough about him to fight for him, or even try. There's no reason why he can't have a father and a father figure. You should at least try to be a dad first, it seems like an easy way out to let him adopt him. Your son may think the same thing. Tell your ex you want to start a relationship with him, and of course you would have to first follow her rules, in time you could be regualr father. ALso your ex doesn't seem stellar with arrest warrants and things like that.

Answer 5

The question is what is best for both you and your son. There are pros and cons to allowing him to be adopted. He is too young to fully understand the significance of an adoption. If he is adopted the adoptive father will be considered his father for all legal purposes and you will have no legal relationship with him. This effectively bars the door from you ever seeing the boy in the absence of agreement. Think it over a long time and do it only if you feel that you have no feelings left for your son and wish to permanently end your relationship with him.

Answer 6

What would adoption by your sons step-dad do? Would it make life better for your son? If adoption doesn't make things better for your son,what's the point. Sometimes allowing a child to be adopted makes the child feel unwanted by his birth parent. If you can try to find out how your son feels, also you need to know in your heart what this may do to you also. If you weren't in his life before, better late than never. Get yourself some legal advise, If what you say is true, it's time you stepped up to the plate, that's what real men do.

Answer 7

she had warrants out for her arrest?
Dude, why didn't you seek sole custody of your son?
do you want a relationship with him? then go to court and get the papers rolling for custody.
I know several men who were adopted by their stepdads following a remarriage, and they are Always very bitter about the whole thing. One of them ended up changing his last name back as an adult. Another, has nothing but despise for his parents and the stepdad for the adoption.
Your son should've been your highest priority a long time ago.

Answer 8

If his mother is hiding from the law, I would think that would be reason enough NOT to terminate your parental rights. The child is a child and cannot make those decisions for himself. You should make every effort to create and maintain a relationship with him. You may need to go to family court and establish guidelines for visitation. This will also mean that you have a monetary obligation to him. If I were you, and I am not, I would fight for sole custody. The child is in danger if he is being held hostage by a fugitive from the law.

Answer 9

I think this is very sad, if you are torn you obviously care for him alot, If his mother has warrants for her arrest then she is really not a good role model for him, are you sure you want to give up all your rights to a mother you is always on the run.........I would really think it very carefully before making any decision you may live to regret in the first place. Good Luck.......

Answer 10

Yea but Dont you WANT to be a part of your sons life??? I mean I understand that you want to let him make the choice...but if we all let our kids make choices like that then theyd all probably pick somewhere else to be...maybe you should just talk to him about it in a round about way and see what you think....but by all means if he WANTS a relationship with you...then let him...you are his dad