Talk me out of having a baby?

Question

I'm 19 years old and I've been thinking about having a baby. I know it's a terribly difficult thing to do and it will change my life forever but me and my boyfriend have been talking and he wants to have a baby really bad and I kinda do also, but I'm also considering that we won't be able to go out and party really, we won't have those romantic nights alone, he needs to get a better paying job, we can't really afford a baby right now...but he's so serious I've never seen him this serious in my 5 years of going out with him. But also my parents want us to get married before we do anything like that and URGGH I don't know what to do! help!

Answer 1

OK first off your parents are right you need to be married. Having a child is a two person deal and takes both husband and wife to get through. As for as money well people have had babies with no money and have survived but it is not easy and you have to rely on government help. OK now with a happy healthy baby you are going to have late nights when the child is crying non stop, you can't just put it down and say oh well, then their is teething and bottles or breast, and both are time consuming, you will always have spit up on your cloths and if your baby gets sick you have to stay home and care for it. You have to be responsible for doctors, and get shots, their is the endless diaper changing. Now the child does not get any cheaper as you go, you trade diapers and bottles for boocoos of cloths so that you can potty train, then their is the endless things that your children will be involved in at school, birthdays and what have you. This is with a normal child.

You do have to plan that your baby could have problems. I did not plan this, and he does. I spend ninety percent of my time at doctors and in Ard meetings at school for the special needs classes that he attends. He is still in diapers at age seven because he is more like two and he has poor language and motor skills so that means theropy. He has sleeping problems and he has aggressive behaviors. He is my only child and I love him and would have it no other way, I am 37 but at nineteen I would have felt jilted because nineteen is so young to be raising such a needy child heck you are still needy yourself at that age.

There are so many things to consider when having a child, and if you are not married and your boy friend does not even have a good paying job, then you are doing yourself and your child a dissatisfaction.

On the other hand, you are not to young to Marry, and if that is what you really want then do it, but it sounds to me if you have to ask someone to talk you out of it, then you are really not ready and you need someone to agree with you. Sure babies are cute but some how are another you are aware that you need a little more you time. Just tell your boy friend that, and if he can't understand and he wants to leave well then he does not truely love you. As the old saying goes, if it is true love then he will understand you not being ready

Answer 2

Before you take this step in your life you need to ask yourself, am I ready for this commitment. A real relationship involves two people and you should have your choice too. If you boyfriend really love you then he will understand that you want to get your lives in order before you have a baby. College, marriage and a stable home to give your baby the best possible life. Having a baby this early can take many directions.... 1. What if 9 months from now your boyfriend decides the responsibility of a child is to much for him and leaves. Are you ready to provide for that baby on your own? I've seen it happen plenty of times. 2. If you do this for him, you might end up regretting it and that would put a strain on your relationship and not be a good environment for your child. Believe me at 19 your life as a young adult is just beginning and you don't want to make a decision just for your boyfriend. You should tell him how you really feel and if he really loves you, he will understand.

Answer 3

I started dating my husband when we were 16. We've been through so much in the last ten years. It took us 7 years together before we felt we were ready to get married.

I know he says he wants a baby now. Find some friends or relatives that have a young child and spend some time with it, take it to the park and such. It may make him or you change your mind.

And if he is willing to commit to a baby he should be willing to commit to a marriage. But understand you do a lot of changing as a person over these next 5 years. Adding a baby in with that can be hard on a relationship. So many of our parents got married and had kids so young that when the kids grew up they didn't know or didn't like their spouse any more and they divorce. Make sure you aren't rushing into this, and if he won't wait for you to be completely ready, then he probably isn't right for you.

Answer 4

Wait! My friend had her baby at 20 and she really wishes that she had waited. Her whole life was put on hold..including school. And..the father of her child DID NOT stick around (he was 18 when she was born). He has absolutely no involvement with his daughter whats over. He doesn't even pay a dime for child support. I'm not saying that your boyfriend would do the same thing, but don't be surprised if he decides to leave you alone with the responsibility once it becomes too overwhelming for him. Do not let him talk you into doing something that you are obviously not ready for.

Babies are cute, but they are a HUGE responsibility..and a HUGE expense. You cannot even imagine how much your life changes once you become a parent! Your life revolves around them 24/7. Forget about going out with your friends to have fun and party. That comes to a screeching halt. Romantic nights? Boy, those are going to be far and few for a while. I only had my first child when I was 25 (and married), and I still found it very hard at times. You grow into the role of motherhood, but it really is a huge adjustment. I am so happy I waited to have my son when I did.

Enjoy your life and your freedom. Finish school. You have plenty of time to have a baby. You are only young once.

Answer 5

First off, get married. If he's committed to you, he should have no issues with marriage. There's nothing to stop him from just up and leaving as your boyfriend.

Next, you won't have time to party or romatic nights alone again! You'll have a baby that needs constant attention. If you're not ready for that kind of a life change, don't have one right now.

Babies are very expensive. If you don't have decent health insurance, forget about a baby. The first year of life costs the most! Can you afford to buy all the things your baby is going to need? Diapers? Formula? Clothes? If not, wait until your boyfriend is financially stable enough to provide for all of you.

Answer 6

Wait until you are married!!!! You already said all the right stuff: It will be terribly difficult & will change your life (& body) forever, gone are the days of going out (My husband & I only go out once a week & even then it's like to Chuck-E Cheeses, we can't afford to go to nice places & we were completely out of debt when we got pregnant. Our delivery cost more than we thought because there were complications (our baby is fine) with delivery)Romance is hard to find too, & when you do all I think about are my saggy boobs & strech marks! If he is serious he'll stop being selfish..Sorry (I know, I don't know him) but he is being selfish. If you really want to have a baby, set some goals first. Like a time line... Finish school, get better jobs, get married.... Then it will be so much more fun! I Promise!

Answer 7

Think of it this way - If you don't want to get married now (thereby dedicating your life to this one person), how are you ready to give your life up to all the changes of having a baby? Remember that if it "doesn't work out" you can't divorce a baby - you're the mommy for LIFE. Having a child is the biggest committment a couple can make and is not a decision to be taken lightly. You're very young, and I'm assuming your boyfriend is as well, so take your time, enjoy your life, enjoy your boyfriend. When you're ready to be married, get married, and then after that, consider having a baby.

Answer 8

YOU ARE NOT READY and you may resent the baby and be a poor mom. Maybe not, but why take the chance with a little life? Your avantar's name is "drink up bitches", Your question says "talk me out of having a baby" and you mention "partiying".

You feel like you need to have a baby to please your B/F. Not a good enough reason to bring a baby into the world. Plus you really need to quit drinking, smoking or doing drugs long before you conceive and that is quite a challenge if you aren't ready for a baby. Show him the answers you get and have a serious talk about whether you both are ready to make this mature commitment. Also, I'm a foster mom and I've seen many people have babies thinking it will fill some need in themselves. Talk about whether your b/f's desire for a child is really trying to fill a black hole in his life and if so, what are other ways to heal? Babies are dependant and needy. THEY don't nurture YOU.

Answer 9

Why the hurry? You literally have up to 15 more years to start a family. There are many more things for you to experience before you start having babies! These experiences will help you to be a good wife & mother some day. Set yourself up NOW for making good life-decisions later;

1. Party your guts out and get it out of your system.
2. Further your education so you can be financially independent and not reliant upon the government or men to support you.
3. Give yourself more time to grow up and figure out who you are, what you want in life, because whether you realize it or not, you are NOT going to be the same person now that you will be at age 28.

No offense, but your boyfriend needs to back-off and let you have space to grow. I really feel like he may be wanting this to keep you tied to him in some way (and this could be a subconscious thing with him). I could be wrong, but please consider the above as you contemplate your future.

Answer 10

First of all you definitely need to get married first. Please listen to your parents. Kids are so much work and diapers are expensive and your days of going out and staying up late will be over. You are so young ....don't you want to travel and see the world and do some things in your life before you get strapped down with a kid. Believe me I speak from experience. It sounds like to me that your boyfriend may be feeling insecure about your relationship and afraid of losing you and thinks that if you have his baby he will never lose you. Ha that is not the way to try and keep someone. Go to college ,travel and then get a good job and get married and then have a baby . Trust me it's worth waiting for and you have plenty of time.
momof4