Do you ever feel lonely in marriage?

Question

I have am married to a wonderful guy, but he is so wrapped up in work that I feel lonely a lot. I mean, just in trying to talk to him about me, or my day, I often get cut off or simply overlooked when something of his business comes to his mind or the phone rings. I don’t know what to do about it. I just feel like I am secondary to his work sometimes. I honestly know he doesn’t mean it, he gets focused. He realizes sometimes that I am distant and he attempts to fix the problem, but it inevitably happens again. I just don’t know how to stop feeling so lonely sometimes. Any thoughts?

Answer 1

Is he working to better both of your lives or to be away from home? Many men, especially young men really have to give it their all or they will never advance. That often means working too much. If you love him, support him in his endeavors, but don't let him lose sight of family, that is a big mistake. He won't ever get it back if he misses all the important things. You need a hobby or something to keep you busier. Maybe make friends with the wife of one of his co-workers.

Answer 2

I would find some hobbies or something you enjoy doing. Join a gym, take a yoga class, scrap booking, etc. Maybe call one of your girlfriends and go out to dinner or a movie. Don't expect your spouse to be your only source of entertainment. Also try talking to your husband and maybe set aside a time in the evenings when it's ONLY "yours and his" time. No phone calls, no checking e-mails, no other projects...just you and him. I know it can be hard to disconnect for some people because they're so driven, but your relationship must be a priority in both your lives. Maybe give him "incentives" for disconnecting from work for a couple of hours. If you know what I mean by incentives. Be creative, use your imagination. :) Good luck!

Answer 3

I have been married twice and had the same situation in both marriages at some time or another. I am in the 7th year of my current marriage. I think we get too comfortable in our "little family situation" He knows I am always here and takes that for granted. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, I just get into my own little world ( here, on-line...) but when I feel the taking for granted goes too far I flat out tell him how I feel, in a nice way though. I don't threaten him or give him ultimatums, I just say "hey, your not the only one in this marriage, I would like some time and attention from you" (that was my latest one!) It works. You know him best, communication is the best tool that I know of. My best to you.

Answer 4

My husband and I went to a couples' retreat, and we found out that there a myriad of ways to have an affair. Sometimes the "other" is work. I felt lonely a lot too. After the retreat, I looked for things that we could do together: cooking new recipes, going to musuems, yard sales, etc. It gave us something we could focus on as a couple that wasn't about kids or his job. You have to make time for each other that isn't about sex, the housework, kids, etc. Try to find some kind of hobby that you could do together, something that you can share as a couple. Good luck.

Answer 5

I feel that way a lot and my husband is home all the time. He's a good guy, but I don't think he's the right one for me.

I would suggest you tell your husband how you're feeling. Exactly how you wrote it here would work. He will understand if he's concerned about you in the least.

Do you have other friends to do things while he works? you may need a good friend to talk to other than your husband. Someone to share stuff with and have interests other than him.

Read the book the five love languages by Dr. Chapman (i think that his name). We all have different needs to feel fulfilled.

I hope you can work it out. My best to you.

Answer 6

Make a date for the 2 of you. Go away for the weekend and no cell phones or pagers. No work discussion. Reconnect on the emotional level, make him remember why he married you. Then when you get back, hopefully, he'll carry that feeling w/ him. And to help, make it a ritual, go out and be a married couple at least once a month. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

It happens in most marriages. Try to do something for yourself: like a day of pampering or having lunch with an old friend. Also, volunteer work is also very rewarding. When you see less fortunate situations, it may put yours into a better perspective. When you take sometime for yourself, it's a positive thing.

Answer 8

focus on ur self, it is not always possible to get attention or seek attention. Have some good hobby, marriage doesn't mean that some body should look you 24 hours, but if this is repeatedly hurting u, then ask for the time, when he can just focus on what u say. If he care and loves u , he will definately get a tine for you..best of luck

Answer 9

It can be very hard to keep a marriage running smoothly these day's but there are several thing's that you can do to keep thing's lively.I understand how you can feel lonely,when you are together but your focus is not on eachother you can feel very alone.Unfortunately it is usually up to the women to keep thing's running smoothly.You need to talk to your husband and explain that the two of you need to make time for eachother explain to him that you understand how important his work is to him but that you also need to feel important to him.set up datetime for the two of you maybe once a week,explain that once a week the two of you whether it is staying home and watching a movie or going out to dinner but you have a certain amount of time that is set aside for you two to be together..and that time is just for the two of you,no work,no phone call's just the two of you together and focus on eachother.Good luck to you both.

Answer 10

I feel the same way about my wife...I've always played second fiddle to her job, family, and even the dog sometimes...we talked numerous times, but nothing ever changed. I finally decided to make a decision for myself and moved out. I think she's getting my point!! I'm still lonely, but at least I'm not feeling like I'm doing something wrong that makes her not want to give me attention.