my husband came back from visit his sick brother, then he refused to have sex with me for two month, i asked him then he said that he had promised god he will scacrifice sex with me to cure his brother. i felt hurt so much. i hate him. why? can anyone give me a reason?
2007-01-10 01:42:56 · 52 answers · asked by yiufdbgkhfjj 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds as if your husband really does love and care about you and you most likely don't hate him but are feeling hurt, neglected and unimportant in his life right now.
We all make promises with God in return for him answering our prayers. It sounds as if you husband made a bargain with God to temporarily give up something he loved and cared about in return for his brother's health. This probably makes you feel hurt and neglected and as if he was willing to give you up in exchange for his brother. Truth is, he doesn't want to give up either one of you. In his mind, he was (temporarily) offering God the thing that means the most to him...intimacy with you.
Logically, we all know sacrificing sex isn't going to cure anyone but when people are scared, they tend to not think logically.
2007-01-10 01:55:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people make deals with God. It's really goofy. God doesn't care if your husband has sex with you or not. Your husband's brother is going to either get better or transition on to another place (death/heaven - whatever). Everyone's prayers of goodness and love should be surrounding his brother and the whole family. Prayer is nothing more than KNOWING that God has it all in control - and even though we can't see it - everything is as it should be at all times.
Now your husband thought he could make a deal with God. Somehow - he thinks that's how it works. It doesn't - but that's what he truly believes. Very often when something comes into our lives that we have trouble accepting - we go into deal making mode. That's what your husband has done. So - what he did was pick THE MOST PRECIOUS THING he had - which is sex with you - and offer it up to God. Even though his way of thinking is goofy - you should not feel hurt. Your husband really cherishes his physical time with you - he wanted to give up something that was REALLY IMPORTANT to him to impress God - and make It listen. You'll notice that he didn't give up watching football or driving his sportscar or going fishing. So just know in your heart that your husband adores having sex with you - and that his religious beliefs are a little goofy - and if you can - tough out the next couple of months.
I hope your brother-in-law gets better.
After it has all passed - sit down and talk with him about why he thinks he can make a deal with God - and who told him it worked that way. I'm sure there are people on the Religion/Spirituality section of Answers who really know religion and can tell you it DOES NOT work to make a deal with God.
*
*
2007-01-10 01:57:42 · answer #2 · answered by liddabet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On the chance that it may not be about you, perhaps, he was so scared about his brother's life, that he chose the thing he cared about the most as a bargaining tool with God. I don't believe God holds people to those kind of promises. I guess this is a crazy question, but does he mean that he can have sex with anyone besides for you? If so, that's a huge problem. He should talk to a pastor for advice. Good luck.
2007-01-10 01:48:46 · answer #3 · answered by donnabellekc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure it was his 'sick' brother he went to visit? Not to add to your paranoia, but it sounds like he went off for a tryst. Call his brother and see how he is doing, ask if he is feeling any better. Did hubby say it was indefinite? The no sex? Is he a man of worship otherwise? If not, he should never use God in that manner. Prayer will suffice.
And you have a right to be angry, but not hate. My suggestion is you seek counseling and get on bended knee yourself and pray for some guidance.
You're angry because he is being down right hurtful and negligent in his husbandly duties. Talk to him about how hurt you are, then...seek counceling, right away. ~joni
2007-01-10 01:54:41 · answer #4 · answered by jonismuse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps this would be a good time to show him the part in the Bible (it's in Ephesians around Chapter 5, I believe) where God clearly says that a man has an obligation to take care of his wife's needs, lest she be tempted. It applies to both partners, actually. So, bottom line, if it were me, I'd make it very clear that, while he's sacrificing you in order to save his brother, you'll be finding someone else to save you. Then, stop coming home or even acknowledging him for a while. He'll get the clue.
2007-01-10 01:49:47 · answer #5 · answered by Zebra4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is well-meaning, he is very worried about his brother, and he thinks he can "make a deal" with God. He is wrong in this, but you must try and help him understand that his love for you is not an acceptable sacrifice to God. Tell him God loves his brother, and wants the best for him, regardless of what your husband does or does not do.
2007-01-10 01:48:08 · answer #6 · answered by jkc19452004 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
call his brother. simply ask how he's doing and tell him that your husband enjoyed being able to spend time with him whenever he was out there. see how his brother reacts. if he's confused about why your husband would say this, there's probably more to the story than he's leading you to believe.
what i would do is sit down and tell your husband that things look weird, and that's your suspicious about why he's trying to sacrifice making love to you. if he's telling you the truth about making the promise to god, then he'll be more than willing to prove that he's still being faithful. if he's lying, he's probably going to get angry that you aren't convinced he's telling the truth. use whatever resources you can to play detective and figure this out!
love him until he gives you reason not to.
2007-01-10 02:02:15 · answer #7 · answered by john_deeregirl07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, a man that sticks to his word is a , well im not sure if its a man even anymore.. but i guess that shows that he loves his brother or there is something wrong with him. men just dont turn down sex expessically with a pretty girl. so guess u just need to tease him a lil or set the mood in the room with him and watch some romantic movie... so good luck and smoke a lot of ganja...
2007-01-10 01:50:28 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. Knox 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sure it has to have something to do with his beliefs. I can see why you would feel hurt and don't blame you. You hate him because he took part of your relationship with him away...you have needs to. Are you back to having sex or is this scarifice for a longer term? If it is going to last a long time, I would let him know that it isn't working for you and that you have feelings and needs and wants too.
2007-01-10 01:49:34 · answer #9 · answered by baybedoll1977 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has made a major decision about your marriage without discussing it with you. If he had sold your house without telling you you would feel betrayed.
It reasonable that the fact that having sex with you is not as important as other things will made you feel undervalued.
It is not surprising that you feel hurt, betrayed and abandoned
2007-01-10 01:50:10 · answer #10 · answered by sweetienugent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋