Rate my poem out of 10...?

Question

Like Snow

Your rosey smile in the night shone at me like a thousand stars,
It lit the room,
It lit my life,
Made something change and it felt right.

For once I didnt hold back
And you fell like snow into my heart,
Promised that we'd never part.

And that snow still lies there today,
A love that'll never melt away.

Answer 1

With 10 being the highest - I give it a 7.5. And I'm sure the person you wrote it for would give it an 11 - and that's the most important thing at all.

I think it would make a great song - but what you've written is just the chorus - and you'd have to write some verses.

Answer 2

It is beautiful! I would give it an 7 off the top.

There are a couple of mechanical things that I would modify. I am hesitant to make suggestions on others works because some accept it well and others take offense. Please take it as just my thoughts and do what you feel is right.

Several of your "and" are unnecessary in conveying the message. They disrupt the flow. Additionally, contractions (didn't, that'll) lessen the importance of the phrase and should be used only in appropriate settings. "It" as a subject depersonalizes the message.

Your poem is one of great feeling and of immense import to the one it is written for. Try these slight adjustments, if they work for you, it would turn your poem into a 8 for me.

I struggle a bit with the snow in the heart, but the message comes through.

Like Snow

Your rosy smile in the night shone at me like a thousand stars,
Your smile lit the room.
You lit my life,
Made something change. All felt right.

For once I did not hold back.
You fell like snow into my heart,
Promised that we would never part.

That snow still lies there today,
A love that will never melt away.

Answer 3

6

Answer 4

Shone to Shine

Take out the

And

And

And

Like Snow

Your rosey smile in the night
shine on me like a thousand stars
It lit the room
It lit my life
Made something change
it felt right

For once I didn't hold back
you fell like snow into my heart
Promised that we'd never part

that snow still lies there today
A love that'll never melt away.

9 ...................................And Orginal to Snow

Answer 5

7 1/2

Answer 6

6/10

Answer 7

I'll give you a 4 for effort.

There's not much to it... its all out there like a nursery rhyme or child's limerick. I thought snow was a bad analogy. I know it was put there so you could say "never melt away" but that's quite juvenile. I'm not trying to be a witch, I'm just telling you another opinion. A few favorites of mine are by Stephen Crane, Yeats, and Lord Alfred Tennyson.

Answer 8

8 - Not bad, ...you might be suggesting you have a cold heart, though. I might try using something like wax as something preserved in the face of adversity- 'the wings of Daedalus melted as he approached the sun but our love only gets stronger'.

Answer 9

seven
Its got potential to be even better.
With all the global warming I'm sure the snow will melt away, lol

Answer 10

I would rate it as a 10. It is lovely!