help with husband gay? cheating?

Question

I noticed on the internet my husbands been going to dating sites some of which are gay sites. ok I was wrong for looking at his email but he left himself logged on and curiosity just over came me. So furthermore I looked up his contacts and there were about 50 guys and 25 girls that i dont know saved there so i looked up his profiles and it said he's looking for a man for 1 on 1 sex. Also so say girls some show he's married with kids some show he is not. He is also emailing his ex fiance again. Hes in the army and your not supposed to be gay in the army. i feel like im just a cover up weve been married 2 years and since our youngest was born he never kisses me or wants to spend time together. he acts like it kills him when i want to have sex. and he never initiates sex. We have 2 beautiful boys and he wont let me work because he believes ill find a boyfriend. help im so confused. what should i do?

Answer 1

If he were gay, he wouldn't have saved female contacts. Clearly, he is bisexual. In any case, you can be gay and be in the Army; you just aren't allowed to be found to be having sex with a fellow male. That's the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy that began a few years ago.

Answer 2

Okay. I was in a relationship for 5 years, and the first two were okay. I started to notice things (the same as you) and at first I was in complete denial. I confronted him about it, and of course he got very defensive, and swore up and down that he wasn't doing anything.......his history on the computer proved otherwise. I still chose to give him the benefit of the doubt, and in the end it was a bad idea. We hadn't had sex in YEARS and he never initiated it either. Sounds to me like your husband is confused, and you need to get out fast. Leave him. There is too much risk with STD's and you don't need the bother especially since you have two small children together. You need to do for you, and do what is best for your children. There is no point to staying in a relationship where you aren't even intimate with him anymore. Obviously trust has been broken, and I understand you are devastated. I was too. It took me a long time to leave, and when I did, it was the best decision I ever made. The fact that he is seeking out sex elsewhere (and with a man) should be enough to make you go. If he is gay, you cannot change that. You deserve better. You deserve honesty and respect, something that he is not giving you. And maybe you were wrong to go through his email, but my opinion is that if he didn't want you to know he would have made sure he logged out. Maybe he left himself logged in so you would find out, and that would allieviate him from having to tell you???? I wish you all the best, and I am so sorry you had to go through this. But it's probably better you found out sooner than later......move on with your life, and pursue your own happiness.

Answer 3

Im so sorry but yes he is gay and most likely cheating on you. U dont deserve this and u need to make an ACTION plan starting ASAP!!! U need to leave him. U say he is not supose to be gay in the army, well he isnt suppose to be gay in a marraige with u. U need to be kissed hugged and romananced and u shouldnt or he shouldnt make it feel like a chore. I know since ur not working it would be hard to leave. U need to contact your family for help so u can get on ur feet. he is worred about u working because he knows u would leave him because he is a pieces of poop! always remember u deserve better, ur not confused u know what has to be done. LEAVE!!!

Answer 4

Well there is no point in beating around the bush on this one. Directly confront the issue. If there is extramarrital sex going on you don't want risk getting diseases. And even if he isn't cheating, sex is a barometer for the health of a relationship, so if there are long term issues with the sex it's safe to say you aren't in a happy relationship. And really life is too short to be unhappy, either get to work on the problems or get out of the bad relationship.

Answer 5

I'd confront immediately. Who the F is Radio and why do you love and omit that individual? You will certainly not get homosexual unsolicited mail unless you visited a gay porn website. Interval! My husband visits porn and in no way one time in 10 years have we ever got something close to homosexual spam. Let him understand you believe he's cheating and that he is gay and watch him squirm.

Answer 6

I would say he is definitely looking for something. Since he is not showing you much interest it sure appears he is up to something. You have every right to have looked into his stuff. He made you suspicious and its only natural. The fact that he doesn't want you to work because you will "find a boyfriend" shows he is controlling. I believe he is most likely cheating. Don't compromise yourself. Good luck.

Answer 7

I would suggest you see a marriage counselor. This sounds like a very dangerous situation for you, if you husband is having multiple liaisons with others. It's a very sad situation. I believe the army provides family services to you.

Build a support network for yourself with family or friends. You should probably start working in case you suddenly need to support yourself in the future.

Answer 8

i might confront today. Who the F is Radio and why do you like and pass over that individual? you will on no account get gay unsolicited mail except you visited a gay porn internet site. era! My husband visits porn and not in any respect one time in 10 years have we ever gained something on the brink of gay unsolicited mail. permit him understand you think of he's cheating and that he's gay and watch him squirm.

Answer 9

that's hard to tell. it sounds like he does love you, because he's worried about you finding someone if you get a job, but at the same time, that's REDICULOUS!! you should be allowed to do what you want, and if you want to go work to bring in money, then by all means you should be able to do it.
considering he's been telling men he wants a one on one with them, he's obviously interested in other guys. considering he's lying to you and talking to other women telling them he's single should be a big red flag for you.
and on top of everything else, he's talking to his EX. she's supposed to be his ex for a reason - because he doesn't have feelings for her anymore.
you need to sit down and talk to him about it. have a serious conversation, and tell him that if things don't change, then you need to take a break while he figures out what he wants. if he thinks that he's gonna have you and his internet love life too...not gonna happen. stand up for yourself even if it kills you!

Answer 10

You need to have a serious talk with him. Sounds like he swings both ways, and is looking to fulfill his other need. This does not sound like a healthy relationship and for him to leave himself logged on long enough for you to see all that might be his way of telling you the truth. Either way you may want to call it quits between the two of you, he obviously has intentions laid elsewhere.