Is pride enough reason to refuse to take him back?

Question

He left me and the three kids a year ago, was involved with another woman. Now he wants to get his family (and me) back. My pride says that I shouldn't let him get away with this and taking him back says that it is acceptable behavior. I am not dating anyone and I have no need to get remarried. One marriage is enough. No one ever filed any paperwork. Is this pride foolish?

Interesting that no men are responding.

Answer 1

If the pride is at the expense of having an intact family, maybe it is a little foolish.

I would definitely consider taking him back- by taking things slowly, seeing a counselor, and having him EARN your trust back.

The fact that you didn't file for divorce speaks volumes here. I am not telling you to be a doormat, but keeping things together (especially with 3 kids) is an admirable thing, and worth a try if possible.

Good luck.

Answer 2

PRIDE. I find it hard to believe, that's the only reason you refuse to take in back. Look the word up in the Dictionary. PRIDE>
I would say yes. its not enough. I find it foolish, that you have not protect your children security. Raising three, is not easy nor cheap. You need to file or a least file for a legal separation. You will be provided with child support and having the children on a schedule for visitation. They need both. Do it for them. I believe that you need to really look deeper in yourself,Whats important to you.Do you have the ability to forgive or forget. What truly in your heart for this man. leave your pride out side the door. Some relationship get stronger.Others don't, but for whats real, they believed and they gave it an honest try.

Answer 3

if there was never any paperwork than no one was in such a big hurry to file and end the marriage. pride isn't that good of a reason, pride keeps us stuck and unable to get past things. if he is truly sorry, and is willing to acknowledge his choices hurt u, and is willing to do whatever it takes than maybe u need to give him another chance. u seem to want him to suffer like u did. he needs to be a big part of the healing process. know that there is always a possibility of him cheating. sometimes cheating doesn't have to be the end, if u love him, and he is willing to talk about how bad it was for u, if he is willing to recommit and is truly sincere, than u will be able to see it by his actions. this could really be the best part of it all, when people reconcile, they realize what they lost, pride sometimes is foolish, it always involves the ego. but if u aren't seeing anyone else, and he is truly sincere, and hasn't done it before in the marriage, give him a new chance.

Answer 4

no,,it isnt foolish but would pride still stand in your way if you and he could talk about what happened and allow you to feel differently about a new relationship with him,,he hurt you and he hurt the kids and its great he now wants to return,,,for him ! if you have no interest in finding out if you could move on then dont get involved but if you do,,ask what you need to ask,say what you feel you should say,get answers to see if he could be someone you could trust again,,trying doesnt mean you have forgotten or forgiven,,it just means you are prepared to try,,it may be that after you and he start to give it a go you then decide too much water has passed under the bridge BUT you will know you tried and wont ever have to sit with that wonder never answered,for your sake and the sake of the kids.there is saying you are not to try because you seriously dont want him back and there is saying you dont want to try because you are scared.he owes you reasons,and an explanation if he wants another go,,but say no,or yes for the right reasons,,this is your happiness too.

Answer 5

No it isn't foolish pride.
You have several compelling reasons to not take him back. You committed to him, and he left you for another woman. The trust that he betrayed was a choice he made, and now should pay the consequences.
Foolish pride would be to not take him back if he were the best man in the world, was trustworthy, and would be good for you. As that isn't the case, your refusing to take him back has a solid base in logic and self-preservation.
Stick to your guns.

Answer 6

I don't think that pride is foolish, but the thing is do you love him, do you think that the relationship could work and do you trust him. If your answer is yes then you know what you have to do. But considering that he left you for another woman I can understand where you are coming from. It doesn't seem fair that he can go off and do his thing and then just because things didn't work out for him he wants to come back.

You just have to think long and seriously what you want to do and if you feel happy about taking him back then do it, or you can say to him that you aren't going to take him back straight away and he has to gain your trust again before you take him back

Answer 7

IT IS PRIDE AND I CAN RELATE 2 THE WAY U R FEELING. ONCE IS ENOUGH Y SHOULD U GIVE HIM A CHANCE WHEN HE HAD IT ALL AND HE THREW IT ALL AWAY FOR SOME DUMB CHICK. PLEASE U R DOING JUST FINE WITHOUT HIM. HE DID NOT KNOW HOW 2 B A HUSBAND NOR A FATHER BECAUSE HE LEFT U AND THE KIDS WHAT MAKES HIM THINK THAT HE CAN LEAVE WHEN HE WANTS AND THAT HE CAN COME BACK WHEN HE WANTS. U STICK 2 UR PRIDE AND STAND UR GROUND GOOD LUCK. IF U DO TAKE HIM BACK IT HAS 2 B BASED ON UR RULES WHETHER HE LIKES IT OR NOT. U R NOBODIES FOOL.

Answer 8

I was married to my daughters father for 10 years, and had to end it. Put your pride aside long enough to know if your family is worth saving and if he is truly sincere about wanting his family back. He has come to realize that the grass is not greener on the otherside of the fence. You will be asked under oath if there is any way to save the marriage. And the word pride will not be a good answer. Best of luck to you, and ALWAYS, put your emotional and spiritual well-being first.

Answer 9

Pride comes before the fall, so don't base your decision on pride. You have to think this one out. Do you still love this man? Do your children want their father to come home? Has he been a good father to them? Sometimes, people make mistakes. Do you believe your husband made a mistake, or did he selfishly leave you and his children, without financial support? Has he expressed feelings of regret, to your satisfaction? Do you believe he's genuinely sorry? Is it possible that he's only coming in out of the cold, or does he sincerely want to be a husband to you again? Does the threat of another pregnancy with him bother you? In short, can you trust this man with your heart again?

It's risky to take this man back, and only you know if he's worth the risk.

Answer 10

Do not take him back under any circumstances. Children learn by example, and I'm sure you do not want them to grow up thinking they can walk away from commitments any time they want and then just pick up later without any consequence. You never mentioned how old your children are, but hopefully at some point they will understand why you made the choice you did. Not taking him back is not a matter of pride; it's a matter of self-respect, and you deserve better than him.