How to get my husband to pay attention?

Question

I am ready...again...to try to resolve some issues in my marrieage. We live like roommates. We don't even share a bedroom. I have tried to talk to him before about our failing marriage and he always tells me "if that's what you think, it's your problem". Suggesting that if I'm not happy, then I have decided to be unhappy. I am ready again to try to make a difference. I am very aware that we have both made mistakes. However, he has been the one to let the issues fester. I try to talk to him and I get ignored or a sarcastic sorry. He is completely dissinterested in sex so that isn't a way for me to get his attention. He finds me ugly and unattractive (I recently lost 20 pounds & it keeps coming off, I'm not skinny, but not fat either, normal). I need some ideas on how to get him to listen. Have any women out there been in this situation and broken through to him. Or husbands, were you ever so bored or uninterested in your wife, but something changed things? I'd like to know.

Answer 1

Wear a bright red jumpsuit with huge lightbulbs that will blind him strapped to it, and wear an arrow hat for added effect - will definately succeed.

Answer 2

you got to know what are the mistakes that both of you have made. you accept his... but what about him? Perhaps, he is having problems @ work or somewhere else and find those issues more compiling to be solved that the "tiny problems" (maybe to him) between the both of you and didnt mean to let the problems/issues flame.
He needs time to do some thinking...re-thinking himself. That men's ego.

"if that's what you think, it's your problem" this sounds rather familiar to me.

my hubby used to tell me that in the past...
there was this period when he had some problems and he didnt know how to resolve it, he got very frustrated easily. he couldnt accept my thoughts and my words.
And some men just have too much ego. They think problems they cant solve, u cant either. They only want you to be there silently for them. and they think, all problems cannot be left unsolved...except when it comes to you. cause, u are married to him already~! (guys can take so much for granted at times) So when you try talking to them...esp during this period... they shout a sarcastic sorry basically to shut u up.

guess you will have to wait... unless you dont mind being hurt with the ignoring & sarcasim.

i waited for nearly a year before the matter was resolved. and then he began apologising and explaining to me. now, we make a joke out of the past of how horrible he had been...he was remorseful for the past year and he would come back home trying a new way of saying sorry as a token of appreciation.

let him know you will give him a week to think it through...you are willing & you want to make this marriage work and last. tell him how important he is to you.

overcoming problems together will build a stronger tomorrow.

Answer 3

This is a very hard question, and I have been divorced once, so take it for what it's worth:

I have often heard that it is actually the act of pursuit that sometimes pushes the person away.

Ignoring HIM may send him a signal. If he cares about you at all, even in the tiniest bit, ignoring him may cause him to wonder why you've suddenly stopped trying to communicate with him. It may take a while for the message to sink in.

If that doesn't work, you need to do things to show him that you are on his side. Don't forget that actions speak louder than words. Try increasing the number of thoughtful actions you do, and decreasing the number of times you try to get him to come out and talk about it.

I hope you make it.....I didn't.....(but I never tried what I'm suggesting here either though!!)

Answer 4

I am going through almost the exact same situation with my wife right now. It seems like we are living different lives. When I try to talk to her, she is too busy and when she tries to talk to me, I am too busy. Both of us blame the other. But since I am right and she is wrong 8) things have not been getting better for a long time.

Honestly in these types of situations, drastic measures are called for. I am sure you are not unattractive but sometimes when a man and woman are together for so long, indifference settles in. My plan is to implement the George Costanza (?sp? Seinfeld) opposite theory. Since everything I have tried recently has not worked, I am going to do things the opposite of what I think is right. I will say things the opposite of what I want to say. It can't hurt, we have almost nothing now, so might as well try something different.

Good luck with whatever you do.

Answer 5

If he is uninterested...then you need to make yourself busy. Busy hanging out with your friends, busy doing things, going places, seeing things...continue to take care of yourself and losing that weight. Losing weight is not an easy feat. Take up a hobby or take up a few (that you will have to do when you are not at home). Live well. Living well is the best way...sometimes to get other's attention. But don't do this to get his attention. Do this for you...because YOU need it. Its very simpe...if you are unhappy...change what is making you unhappy. It sounds as if your husband doesn't want anything more to do with your marriage or falling relationship. It also sounds as if he puts it all on your shoulders when it is both of you doing this. You cannot make him do anything. I say don't try to talk to him with words, let your actions do the talking. Actions speak louder than words. apparently he doesn't want to move from where he is so let him fester where he is and you move on with your life.

Answer 6

I think you need to look at yourself first. Do you really love yourself? Do you appreciate & respect who you are? Do you know what your goals are in your life? I asked my husband for his opinion & we both agree- If he is in another bedroom, not making an effort to communicate with you, being rude & sarcastic, something is SERIOUSLY wrong. He sounds like he is just there. I dont know what mistakes you both made, if you cheated on him I could understand sleeping in seperate rooms, but if he is not even trying to resolve those mistakes then why are you trying? You do not have to be with him because you are married- is he being true to your vows? Any time spent with someone you are not meant to be with is not a waste- You can learn from your mistakes. It is never to late to meet the right person for you. Love Yourself and then let someone Love You!

Answer 7

The best thing you could do is leave him!! That will get his attention. Sever him with the divorce papers too!!! Complaining to him nonstop goes through one ear out the other. He probably feels that you would never leave him and will continue with the same routine with him. Pack up your stuff and move in with a family member or friend and see what happens. This the only way you will know.....I know its hard, but life is too short. If he doesn't care then you will know.

Answer 8

Some men need a detailed map to find treasure, others use their innate gifts to lead them. Perhaps your husband needs a map... but why bother? Indifferent to sex, won't talk...I am afraid he's tired of you and too lazy to figure a way out, or he's a living dead. Either way, it's an uphill struggle. Know the man, identify the problem, and figure a solution. Else, get used to the idea sooner or later you'd have to dump him or he'd dump you.

Answer 9

I'm not sure if this is the answer you are looking for but my wife and i are getting a divorce and most of it is be cause of our sex life i drive a truck and so I'm gone most of the week and when i come home I'm worked up ( wanting some) and if i don't make a pass she don't and it gets to me so ask her for a divorce so i mite find some one that would pay me some attion but in your case if you cant talk to him (he want listen to you ) there ant much you can do sorry god bless and good luck

Answer 10

I'm in a similar situation, though i am in good shape he doesn't pay any attention to me anymore. He may be in front of the computer till 4 or 5 in the morning. I have something in clear....I am a real woman...i won't beg his attention...i don't want to be unhappy...and if another man can give me what he refuses to to...well...i am sorry for him...I'll say Goodbye!!!

Answer 11

Unfortunately Wendy your husband is putting up walls and barriers for whatever reason. By saying "its your problem" he is disasociating himself from you and the problem. A "good" husband doesnt treat his wife this way and works through whatever issue is bothering him. He is obviously done with his relationship with you but won't take the steps to end it.
I think you should challenge him and suggest counseling and if he won't go, then try seperating from him.
You deserve better!