My mother in law to be hates me what can I do?

Question

I ma due to be married in June. This week out of no where a row started between my inlaws, although I had nothing to do with this I got the blame. My mother-in-law to be called yesterday telling me that she does not like me and never has. She dosent want to come to our wedding and hopes we break up. She also says I am a bad influence on her son and that I have changed him for the worse. She says her husband and other children all agree with her. My sister-in-law to be has also expressed similar views. I have tried to put my point across but they just reject everything I say as lies. I have done nothing to provove this reaction. I am at my wits end, what can I do his whole family hate me:-(

I live very near his family and have moved city (away from my own family and friends) to be with him. I feel very alone. Its important I get this sorted.

Answer 1

What does your soon-to-be-hubby say? If he doesn't care what his family thinks, neither should you. I am in a similar situation, except my m-i-l and s-i-l don't have the balls to come out and tell me how they feel. Instead my m-i-l plays games like crying on the phone to my husband because she thinks I was mean to her (after she said something completely out of line) and trying to hook him back up with his ex gf when we had a fight.

At least yours are saying how they really feel, instead of playing games with you and it's all out in the open for your fiancee to see. Talk to him, because it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you, as long as he loves you, the two of you should get married.

If you are forced to have them in your life, just be as nice as possible when around them and don't sink to their level. And please, PLEASE, do not try to MAKE them like you. A lot of times the hatred comes from the fact that you are taking her "little boy" away.

Answer 2

Run as far and as fast as you can away from these people nothing can be done to change their views. also find a man who is willing to stand up for you against his family . what is he a man or a mouse ? If he is that enmeshed in his family let him stay that way but without you. This family sounds like a bunch of cave people . You will never be happy and they will make life miserable for the both of you. Nope dont marry into it and tell him exactly how you feel when you break it off with him . Believe me when I say I know what I am talking about i have been through this . good luck to you.

Answer 3

You poor thing! I really feel for you! I was once going out with a guy (who was the biggest mummy's boy every) whose mother hated my guts too! Nothing I could say or do was the right thing. She bagged my religion and family in front of me. She indicated that I was a bad person (which I'm not). I moved in with the guy and got engaged to him in spite of her!!! Well, that didn't last long and he's gay now (so much for all her criticisms of me)!!
One of my friends married a guy whose family hate her, and her marriage is miserable. Family are everything...
I'm not telling you to break up with this guy whom you obviously love, but I'll warn you, it'll always cause problems.
What does your man say about all this? Does he defend you? Does he say nice things about you? Does he try to keep peace? If not, then is he on your side?... What'll happen in the future - think kids too!!! If he does all of this and he's the perfect guy, hopefully things will just settle down a bit. Find out something that really interests his mother (sewing, painting - whatever it may be) and take it up yourself, read up on it etc... Talking about current books that have been read (find out what she reads, read it and say "have you read...? I really liked....)
Good luck mate!!! Hang in there.

Answer 4

Me and my friends are always talking about the trouble we have with our in laws (or in laws to be) especially our mother in laws. I think most mothers have an unhealthy attatchment to their sons and no matter which partner they chose the mother would not like them and would make their life hell because they feel threatened by them. I have a brother and my mum certainly treats him differently and is more protective over him than me and my sister. The conclusion that me and my friends have come to is that we just have to be civil and nice to them so they have no reason to criticise us and when they do criticise or argue etc then stand your corner. Try not to let it get to you and certainly don't let it affect your relationship with your husband to be because that's what she wants!!

Answer 5

well you really are in a nasty position!
first of all, you could try by ignoring them. as long as your husband trusts you and stands beside you, you have nothing to worry about. probably his mother indeed hasn't liked you from the beginning but now she's using this whole fight among your inlaws as a cover. shes acting as a child, you be the adult!!
if she is to miss her sons wedding because of her immaturity then so be it. i think there are more important things in life then some quarrels, maybe your mother in law still needs to learn that?! anyway, don't be upset too much, i know this is really hard for you but try to hold on. as long as you got your husband on one side and your reason and intelligence on the other you have nothing to worry about. things will sort out, sooner or later.

Answer 6

This is your husband's problem, not yours. Your only obligation to his family is to treat them with common courtesy. That is, you only have to be cordial with them. You don't have to like them, and they don't have to like you. If your mother-in-law says she's not coming to your wedding, so be it. Your fiance has the burden of convincing her otherwise, not you.

If your wedding is in June, you have a thousand things to do. Get busy on planning for this day and stop worrying about your mother-in-law. She should not have called you with such distressing news, but that's her problem. Don't let it ruin your wedding.

BTW: If you are gossiping, or causing problems between your husband and his family members, stop it. I'm not accusing you, but if you are doing this; you must stop the behavior. Stay out of any problems in the family that don't affect you. Don't try to influence your fiance away from his family, and don't carry stories back and forth, or any of that. When you start getting blamed for such things, it means you are too involved in things that don't concern you. Mind your own business and let others do the same.

Answer 7

I really do feel for you. I know how some people can be and I feel sorry for people like your mother in law to be too because she is so ignorant and can't see it. All you can really do is be yourself and well if she doesn't like it it's her problem. If she won't talk to you about it to try to make things better there's not much you can do. You love your soon to be husband and he's what's important. I hope he supports you thru this time and has spoken to his parents regarding it cause they certainly need someone to put them in their place. good luck to you. And smile ;o)

Answer 8

What does your future husband think about al this? At the end of the day you are marrying him and not his family.
It would be lovely if you all got on but this is not always possible. One thing you need to do though is keep the lines of communication open with his family, I know they are not being nice but dont sink to their level. Keep your head held high.

If you both love each other then what his family say shouldnt make a difference. Dont let them stress you before you get married. Still ssend them the invitations and ask them to get involved. Your future husband will then see that you are doing all you can to make things better, if they dont do the same he will see.

Good luck

Answer 9

Not a nice situation to be in. You say it came out of nowhere - why don't you ask your Ma-in-law what has made her think this of you, because you don't understand what has happened. Find out why they have taken a sudden dislike to you, it might be based on something misunderstood, or even lies. If you know what it is then you know what you're up against.

Best of luck.

Answer 10

Just because they are family doesn't make them friends. Just because they are family (or soon to be family) doesn't mean that they have the right to treat you like dirt. You would not take that from a total stranger. So don't take that from family. What is your partner doing in all of this? Is he supporting and standing up for you or is he just sitting there quitelty and not saying or doing anything. If it is the latter then you may want to re-think this relationship before you two walk down the asile. If it is this way now...it can only get worse from here (that is if your partner is not doing or saying anything). Take this situation and magnify it by 20 and project that into the future. Do you like what you see? Don't bother trying to make nice with his family and don't bother trying to make up with them either. Let them ferment in their hatred. But...don't let them see you upset cause that will only give them more power and more ammo to shoot at you as far as their hatred for you. Living well is the best revenge. So if you really want to give them something to hate....live well. Don't kill yourself trying to please other people because that is not heathy. Only do what is in your best interest. Only do what will make you happy. Only make decisions that you can live with and be happy with.

One more thing...just because they are related to you by DNA doesn't mean that you have to have anything to do with them. If it is a toxic relationship for you then you need to cut it out of your life. For some...friends are family. Just because they are not related to you doesn't mean that the love cannot be the same. Good luck.