my mother encouraged me to watch porn as i was growing up. (both my mum & dad do it even now) from the age of about 12 i guess i had a regular diet of the stuff & my dad always gave me his porn mags & films.
when i met my wife she told me her view on porn so i hid it from her. i love her so much & didn't want to lose her.
after we'd been married 18 months she found it under the floorboards, well, her youngest son did, he was 14 then.
i dont know why i even needed it cause our sex life was great, my wife's gorgeous & we experiment with lots of stuff. after that our sex life wasn't so good anymore. like she won't dress up for me now & more often than not she needs a drink or 2 before we can get it on.
i've stopped doing it but keep going back. my wife said if she finds me lying to her once more, thats it we're over.
my mother says it's my wifes hangups that are the problem & she should get over it..i'm beginning to hate my mother
i really dont want to lose my wife over this.
2007-01-09 23:46:58 · 18 answers · asked by pooped_over 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well it's hardly surprising that you feel you're beginning to hate your Mother...at the back of your mind you probably know that the stuff she should have tried to protect you from as a child is now coming back to bite you on the **** big time...worse still....that same stuff (porn) is about to wreck your marriage to the love of your life.....
Why is your Mother aware of the things going on between you & your wife anyway? Her opinion is her opinion & won't be helping either you or your wife to sort things out....far from it...it'll actually make things worse....besides if your Mother knows it's causing you problems within your marriage, surely she would (if she cared at all about your future happiness) be making suggestions to improve the situation...instead it appears as though she's trying to make things go even further down hill....you need to keep your married life away from anyone & certainly anyone that's just going to put the boot in rather than try to help you both....
On the one hand you want to keep your wife but on the other you return to the very things that will cause you to lose her, listening to your mother's view on this is probably causing you to be confused...one minute you know it hurts your wife deeply but the next you're thinking "it must be OK...even mum says it it"
I'm sorry to say this but your mother is far from the person to give you any correct advice....going on what she allowed you to be exposed to as a child...I would have thought she's caused enough trouble...wouldn't you?
Ditch the porn Babe, pay attention to your wife & stop kidding yourself so much.....porn isn't the innocent pass time people say it is...it wrecks marriages....plays havok on the libido over time & can even cause some Guys to confuse fantasy from reality.
It's not even as if anything was missing from your marriage, You say yourself that sex was great & your wife clearly loves you to bits......but if you don't sort yourself out & double quick there will be something wrong...you'll lose the Woman you love....then you'll hate not only your Mother...but yourself also.
2007-01-11 11:06:52 · answer #1 · answered by Funky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-17 17:26:04 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to admit that you have an addiction to it and then seek some advice about to live without it.
Your wife is probably more upset that you hid it from her than anything else. So you need to build trust with her again.
I would recommend seeing a marriage councillor together because
a) they are experienced at dealing with situations like this
b) your wife will realise that you care about her feelings enough to want to work things out with her, which will earn you respect and kudos
c) it sounds like the porn itself is just a symptom of what might be some deeper issues about intimacy, and how you were brought up. A councillor would be able to help you get through it and help your wife understand that it's not your fault.
A bit of porn is fine but when it rules your life and you have to hide it from your wife, instead of just being able to give it up easily then you have a problem.
Your mother is entitled to her own opinion but it's not her you need to make it right with, is it? (My mum is the same as yours and my wife felt the same way as yours does too).
I wish you the best of luck with this and hopy you and your wife resolve it all.
2007-01-09 23:58:27 · answer #3 · answered by How many questions can there be? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine what was in your mother's mind encouraging a 12-year-old child to see such material. If someone did that today it would be called child abuse.
I'm no prude and the odd bit of porn one can understand, but I can really empathise with your wife - how must she feel knowing porn isn't an occasional thing for you but more of a lifestyle? How can she feel comfortable about dressing up for you and doing sexy things for you knowing that dozens of porn actresses have done it for you before, and probably done it better? She must think there's nothing new she can offer you. She must feel kind of tainted by association.
I think maybe you need some help from a counsellor on this one: And your parents need to be told to keep away from children.
2007-01-09 23:57:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well first you sound as if you are addicted to porn...seek help. Next It may be that you wife feels that you are just acting out a fantasy from a book rather than making love to someone you care about. If you need to have her to dress up to enjoy sex I would tend to agree. Again seek help. Do not lose the person you love without trying to save the relationship.
2007-01-09 23:56:08 · answer #5 · answered by Wat Da Hell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have an addiction and need help from a doctor to get over it. Your wife is feeling betrayeed and hurt that 1. you hid it from her, women don't like secrets. 2. you can't seem to break away from it even for her. My bet is watching porn at such a young age was not the only crazy stuff that went on in your house, and you need to rid yourself of the destructive memories in your head. Please leave yourmother out of your relationship I'm pretty sure your wife doesn't appreciate her opinions on this matter.
2007-01-10 00:37:55 · answer #6 · answered by Trisha 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well this ones kinda tough seeing that,that's how you were raised,but if you really love your wife and the sex is great as you say,try to break away from the porn,get help if need be.Its simple its either the porn or your wife.Try to keep mom out of your personal affairs I know you love her but you have a wife now!Best of luck to you!
2007-01-09 23:53:41 · answer #7 · answered by Lin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage should be allot more important than some porn mag. and if you really are addicted to it then maybe you should suggest to your wife that to spice up your sex life you should watch porn movies together (porn of her choice) and leave the mags alone. It is not worth losing your wife.
2007-01-09 23:53:07 · answer #8 · answered by Roxxy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow..That's different...I don't agree with the way your mother brought you up, but who am i to judge, i think it's pretty disgusting allowing a 12 yr old boy to watch that stuff!
If i were you i'd just explain all what u have here, to your girlfriend...best of Luck...
((Girls don't like Porn so much when your in a relationship, the girls on these movies make them feel inadequate, you know how obssessed us girls our with our figures!))
Actually u need to seek help! Councelling...Go and see your Doc.
2007-01-09 23:55:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think of the Church is doing the the main suitable option undertaking (in accordance to what the object says). He would desire to be suspended from all responsibilities (which he's) and an entire study would desire to be carried out (and is). If the reminiscence stick is used with the aid of different Church officers, then this priest would be telling the fact after all. if that's so, i wish his replace did not physique him so as to get the job of youngster's Confessions for himself. regardless of happens, i wish the Church deals with the situation properly.
2016-10-30 12:42:26 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋