How to deal with a violent 12-year old kid who has all the makings of a dictator?

Question

This is where I live as a tenant and I still have 6 months to end my lease. I stay with a family with a doting mother and a really spoilt 12-yr old boy. He often beats his younger sister, neighbouring kids (he doesn't have any playmates) and at school - he often, gets recalled for abusive behaviour.

He doesn't cause me any physical harm because I am much older (21) and stronger than him - but I can't smack him either when he locks me up in the bathroom or puts chewing gum in my hair or ravages my limited cosmetics - I am only a student and can't afford the nuisance.

His mother NEVER reprimandes him and he knows how to use his mother (His father has been divorced) - where is it going to stop?

This week - he attempted to suffocate his sister (7-yr old) with a pillow until I came in. I had advised his mother to take him to counselling or psychiatrist but she wouldn't budge and always defend her son - (she

Answer 1

your best bet is to give him the time of day, have some fun with him. be suggestive, but authorative in your approach, try to get out with him and play something(in the park, board games, etc.) if he acts up, strictly look him in the eyes, while holding firmly(not too tightly) onto his hand and explain to him that what he did was wrong and punish him by making him sit or stand somewhere alone for 12 minutes. If you have fun with him, he will respect you more and not terrorise you as much.

whatever you do, do not use violence, it just shows him that it is permittable.

kids are difficult, i have been a nanny for 4 years now and it takes time, but the most important thing to remember is to reward good behaviour and dismiss bad behaviour. do not show him the attention when he does something bad and when you do put him in time out, don't show any emotion of anger or being upset. It will only fuel his actions as he is getting a response. If anything show an emotion of being bored. and next time he locks you in the bathroom or puts chewing gum in his hair, explain to him calmly that what he did was wrong and why i upset you, go sort it out and then be back to normal. not only will this confuse him, but it will take the fun out of expecting you to freak out, and guilt trip him a bit.
and don't call the police. thats just giving him more attention.
good luck!
xx

Answer 2

This kid has serious issues and unless someone intervenes, he's gonna end up on America's Most Wanted. Maybe he's bipolar or manic depressive. He might have Childhood Disintegrative Disorder. There is a myriad of disorders he could have that are affecting his behavior, even food allergies that are severe can cause a person to act crazy and mean. His mother is doing him a grave disservice by not taking him to the doctor. She probably gave up long ago trying to discipline him because nothing worked. I would be extremely concerned for the little sister and if for no other reason than her safety, I would talk to a social worker or someone who can help get some therapy and/or medication for this boy. Imagine living in his shoes...God only knows how he must feel. Being mean and angry to others doesn't usually come natural and I think he probably hates himself for it and I'm sure his peers judge him pretty harshly. Good luck to all of you...I hope you care enough to get some help any way you can for this boy...he needs it and so does his family.

Answer 3

Well, you and/or your sister should have stepped in MUCH earlier before things escalated to the point they did. Your sister should have immediately stopped her 4-year old in the act of taking your daughter's iPod, telling her she can't take other people's things without asking (and removing her from the situation if the child wouldn't comply). While 4 and 6 is still young, it's PLENTY old enough to be taught about asking nicely and respecting other people's things. Personally, I don't think you should allow your sister to come over to your house for a while. Your daughter needs a break, and your sister needs to work on her children's manners. When they ARE allowed to come over again, there should be two new house rules: 1) Do not take other people's things without asking first, and 2) No going into Big Cousin's room without her permission. You should make it ABSOLUTELY clear to your sister that the rules will be enforced, and YOU'LL be the one to correct the children if she won't. Your house, your rules, end of story. For your daughter's part, I think you should encourage her to have SOME interaction with her cousins when they come over (being family and all that), but in exchange she should also feel like she has some protection to her own privacy and her own belongings, and that her parents value that enough to make sure it's enforced. As parents of a soon-to-be-teenager, fostering that kind of parent-child trust is absolutely essential.

Answer 4

You folks need to call the police every time that he steps out of line, for his sake and the sake of all others concerned.

If he gets away with any of this he is just going to get worse. The pillow incident should have reported as an assault. I speak from experience I had to send my own son to Juvy for attempting to choke his sister. It was a real wake up call because the police took it pretty seriously and the attorney that I was assigned urged me to let him be charged with felonious assault for his sake. It got him lots of help and attention from people who could help.

He is doing pretty good now and never has raised a hand against me or his sister again. Even when very angry, he knows that it is unacceptable to assault a woman.

Answer 5

Oh! my Gosh!..Find other digs and quick!..If this boy succeeds in harming another person within your presence he will turn events around and frame you for it..You obviously will not have a leg to stand on with no back-up from his Mother..(I really disliked using that word here..Mother..she does not represent what a MOTHER truly is)...Get out now and when you do, send family services to her house to investigate the abusive behaviour to his sister which is condoned by the boys Mother...Good Luck let me know how you went...

Answer 6

That kids sounds like a real handful. You can try helping him out by finding out why he does such things. He may have ADS (Attention Deficiency Syndrome), or maybe he just needs someone to talk to and for someone to understand him. You have 6 months left in your lease, so I guess you can either try to do something about it, or just sit around ignore him and wait until the 6 months is over.

Answer 7

The 7 year old is the one in danger here. Call child protective services. The kid has some sort of mental illness.

Answer 8

Seriously, I would write to Dr. Phil and tell him about this kid. He's so great at helping people and this mother could be talked into getting him help if she could see through someone else's eyes what this boy is doing. Don't be afraid to call the police or Child Protective Services. He's dangerous and needs help

Answer 9

Call the police and Children's Services. This kid is a nutjob. Next time he physically assaults anyone make a call to the local authorities. There are laws against physical abuse no matter what age the perpetrator is. If he was my kid he'd get knocked on his littleass a few times.

Answer 10

Next time he beats or tries to suffocate his sister, you immediately call the police! Also, you can anonymously report this family to Child Protective Services and then the State will investigate.