I want the precious weekends to spend with my kids too, since I work till their bedtime every weekday. What problems will my kids have (if I ask them to forget they ever have a father) when they are used to having me only for the past 5 years?? I repeated asked him over a span of 2 yrs to choose either the kids+me (our family) or that *****, he wanted her. Now he says he regret not wanting the kids as well then when we separated. But this is not fair to me. He is the meanest, most selfish man I have ever heard, he want the whole world for HIMSELF!
2007-01-09 22:44:55 · 28 answers · asked by IKnow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand your sentiments towards your husband and the feeling of betreyal and the loss of integrity when he suddenly pops out and wishes to see the very children you alone have cared for when they should have been loved by both of you.
It's time for self evaluation:
1.) Examine you motives. Are you preventing him from seeing the kids because you feel that there is something that he possesses that may harm or compromise the children's best interests? Or are you simply holding a grudge towards him because of the separtaion. If you said yes to the first question, then identfy them and tell them to him. If you can clearly justify that meeting the kids will only harm them, and if he really loves them then he should leave you alone. Otherwise just let him see them. By the way, you can't use the separation as a reason to the first question.
2.) What do the kids want? Given that there is no reasonable threat to having him see the kids, allow the children to choose. It's their right. If you think the kids are too young to decide for themselves, then remember the rule of thumb that kids should know who their real parents are.
Try to think that this isn't mainly about you. It's about the kids. If you feel uncomfortable despite all these, then you can try to allow him to see your kids under your supervision.
If anything, try to resolve whatever conflict is between you and him. Learn to forgive. By forgiving you will lose nothing but gain. If he refuses to reconcile then he loses.
2007-01-09 23:11:14 · answer #1 · answered by sorcmagiwizlv99 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear ... I can see your not over him yet!!! Your still very angry and bitter.
Your Children love him unconditionally, as he loves them unconditionally, like I guess you love your parents unconditionally.
If you met someone else (Which you will do) and fell deeply in love (Which you will do) could you really stop seeing your children??? this is what your asking him to do.
He didn't leave the kids honey, he left you. He left you so you can be truly happy with someone else, as he could not give him whole self to you .... please don't tell me that you would have been happy if he had left this other woman ... you would have been thinking all the time that he dosn't love you, fancy you, your self esteem would be no more ... If you have any left that is??
Let him see his kids, your only hurting them by stopping this, and they will NOT thank you now or in the future for doing this, let them make up there own minds about him.
In the meantime, get your self back out there, join a gym, go to the pub with mates do something you enjoy away from the children, you never know who will be round the corner .... could be Mr Right !!
Take care
Big Smiles
x
2007-01-09 23:57:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because this is not THEIR issue it is YOUR issue. No matter what he has done he is still their father and they have every right to see him and get to know him and form their OWN opinions about him. Those opinions should not be clouded by your feelings of him. Remember, you once loved him, you had those kids with him, they are half him and half you. For whatever reason, he left. Maybe he is everything you said he was, but he is still their father, the only one they will ever have and they deserve a chance to see him and form a relationship with him. You don't have the right to steal that away from them. I understand exactly where you are coming from. My x did the same thing. He took off for over a year no contact whatsoever, my son didn't even recognize when he did come back. Sometimes you do feel like "hey, these are my kids, I stayed up all night when they were sick, I held them when they cried for you, I held them again and again when you said you were coming to pick them up and then never showed up, no phone call no nothing". But, no matter what he is who we chose to make their father, they didn't pick.
L.
2007-01-10 02:18:26 · answer #3 · answered by tink3610 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are not just your kids they are yours and his. If you don't let him see them, especially if they want to see him then you run the risk of your children hating you.
Many mothers try to prevent their children seeing their father and in the worse cases it is little more than child abuse on the part of the mother. I am not suggesting for one moment that this is so in your case but it is still something to think about.
It is a fact that children who are deprived of their fathers or a suitable male role model fare less well in life, are more likely to be unemployed when they grow up and more likely to turn to crime. It is alright to hate the man who hurt you but do not ever let your children see that hatred because it will hurt them as well.
Your children will grow up under your influence and if all they ever see when they look at you is love and not hatred then you will have done a good job as a mother.
May I wish you and your children all happiness in the future.
2007-01-10 00:22:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because, in this scenario, you need to be the better person and do what is right for the kids no matter how difficult it is for you. I am sorry you married a jerk who made a bad decision that hurt you and your children. Your job in this is to do the best you can to raise, healthy happy children who have a good relationship with their father in spite of his having made hurtful decisions in the past.
Weekend visitation is hard on the custodial parent. You do start to feel like you get all the "work" time and he gets all the "fun" time. You should at least alternate weekends. Remember too that you get all the tuck-ins during the week, and the meals, and the discussions that happen all the time. You shape their lives and their attitudes. When they grow up to be good successfull people with healthy relationships in their lives, you will have been the person who made that possible.
Good luck.
2007-01-09 23:02:49 · answer #5 · answered by CV 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I've never caught my man...don't really want to either. My bait is designed for a different species... IF there is any seriousness at all to the Q then I'm very sorry, Kiddo *hug* Almost forgot. Round Up is a pretty good brand...
2016-05-23 03:24:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
as the kids get older they will figure it out
my x was like that too he would be gone for months and come back to try and jump back in as dad
but as my son got older he realized that he was really just doing it to try to be a good dad so now he is 14 and boy does he know
when he wants the 100 sneeks he goes to dad when he wants to go to the fun zone for a week in the summer or camping he asks dad
as a grown boy it all came to him that dad just wanted to out do mom and be the big shot in the family well now it saves me lots of $$ and he gets what he needs that i can't give him and in the end the x will end up a very lonley man
2007-01-09 22:52:30 · answer #7 · answered by elite_women_rule_the_rock 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
yes but you have got to think of the kids as well. They will miss out if they do not see him. Come to an agreement where he has the children every third weeken from Friday evening straight from school until Sunday evening - plot it on your calendars and tell him if he want s to see them and he lets them down even once he can forget it. Tell him he can also have them for two complete weeks of the year; one in the summer and one of the half terms. If he ums and ahhs then he does not want to be a proper parent and you can tell him to forget it. If he agrees and sticks to it then be grateful for the free time and grit your teeth when the kids go and come back telling you they had a great time. I did and when they grew up my kids saw through their father for themselves - I never said a word against him and they are ahppy and well adjusted . Keep the anger and bitterness to yourself or for your best friends when the kids are npwhere around.
2007-01-09 22:55:09 · answer #8 · answered by D B 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
I don't have any sympathy for you. You are such a negative type person, i see the reason your husband sought out a real woman.
You are a selfish, self centered type person, probably nagged him til he had to get the heck out or go crazy.
He left went to the other woman, didn't want you but wanted the kids in his life. But, when one has to put up with someone like you just to visit with the kids, it's very upsetting and most guy's just avoid the confrontation
2007-01-09 22:55:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
Ms; we can not change the past. At least he admitts he made a mistake. It is his right to see your kids. By fighting or asking your kids to choose you are only hurting them. Love them and be there for them and enjoy every minute. It will pay off in the long run.
Best of Luck.
2007-01-09 22:53:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋