Because we see lots of breaks even before marriages. But Indian systems hardly break since it is two families coming closer, not just 2 persons. Your comments please.
2007-01-09 21:04:49 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
From what happened to me..IT WAS SOME B.S.! I dated an Indian guy from Bangladesh for 18mos. & all of a sudden he shows up at my door one night saying he is getting married! I thought it was a frickin' joke. I saw that he wasnt laughing and I kicked him out & slammed the door on him! I have been hurt & angry for 7 months now over that. I kept asking him over and over why werent we getting married after all of that time and he would brush me off. He should not have led me on like that. I had developed a lot of love for him, and he wasnt honest with me about their "culture". I can only imagine how many American women & men have had their heartbroken by Indian people.
I am still hurt about that. When he said that it was like something off of a soap opera and they should be more upfront with people about their systems. After he came back from India for 2 months we talked and he said the wife was his cousin and that it is apart of their religion! I was like ???? This dude is nuts! I swear if I had of known how bizzare he was, I wouldnt have ever ever ever gotten involved with him. I felt like he used me until he could get to his own kind or something.
He gets mad when I tell him I'm going on a date and he asks me about who I am seeing currently. I'm like dude....if you wanted to be with me, why would you go and marry someone else? He still tries to sleep with me too, and I'm like go back to your country and be with your wife. It's hard to resist him because I still love him. But I swear that is the most piercing & severe pain to go through. I wouldnt wish that on anybody I swear I would'nt. It already hurts to break up with someone, but to shock them and up and go get married to someone else could traumatize a person for life! Geezz..
2007-01-09 22:43:29 · answer #1 · answered by Wisdom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An arranged marriage is a marriage that is established before involving oneself in a lengthy relationship, and often involves the arrangement of someone else other than the person getting married. Such marriages are common in the Middle East and parts of Africa and Asia. Other groups that practice this custom include the Unification Movement and royal families.
An arranged marriage involves the parents of the married couple to varying degrees:
In a forced marriage, the parents choose their son's or daughter's future spouse with no input from them. In this rare form of arranged marriage, if the son or daughter refuses the choice, he or she may be punished, or in rare cases, killed. In most such cases, the marriage simply takes place anyway, overriding the bride's or bridegroom's objections. Motivating factors for such a marriage tend to be social or economic, i.e., the interests of the family or community that are served by the marriage are seen as paramount, and the will of the individual is insignificant.
In a traditional arranged marriage (not forced), the parents choose their son's or daughter's future spouse with some input from the to be bride or bridegroom. If either the son or daughter refuse the choice, the parents tend to respect their wishes and choose another possible spouse. However, considerable pressure may be brought to bear to make the potential bride or bridegroom see the reasoning. The main motivating factor in such marriages is the happiness of the son or daughter, but viewed from a paternalistic/maternalistic angle ("Parents know best").
In a modern arranged marriage, the involvement of the to be bride or bridegroom is considerably more. Parents chooses several possible candidates. The parents will then arrange a meeting with the family of the prospective mate, and the couple will often have a short, unsupervised "date". The will then eventually choose whom they wish to marry, although parents may exert small degrees of pressure on the child to make a certain choice of which they approve. The happiness of the child is the main concern, and the parents see their role as responsible facilitators and well-wishers.
A modern arranged marriage with courtship is the same as the above, except that the children have a chance to get to know each other over a longer period of time via e-mail, phone, or multiple "dates", before making a decision. It takes considerably more courage on the part of the parents as well as the to be spouses to go through this process. Some girls actually prefer a short courtship as they fear the stigma and emotional trauma of being rejected after a courtship.
Finally, in an introduction only arranged marriage, the parents will introduce their son or daughter to a potential spouse. The parents may briefly talk to the parents of the prospective spouse. From that point on, it is up to the children to manage the relationship and make a choice.
2007-01-10 05:21:31 · answer #2 · answered by aramaiya 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you say about the two families coming together is right.This along with other things like matching of horoscopes,social values in India etc definitely make the Indian system of arranged marriages conducive for durablity in marriages.However durable marriages may not necessarily be ideal marriages.There are many marriages amongst Hindus which have been durable,but still most unhappy on account of lack of warmth and compatiblity in the couple.They live together merely to escape the censure of the society.All one can say in conclusion is that each sytem has its advantages.
2007-01-10 05:20:47 · answer #3 · answered by rkbaqaya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I Had an Indian woman work for me. She left her family because she didn't like the man her parents had arranged to marry. Arranged marriages have been around a long time. The idea is they will come to love each other. Sometimes it works that way. I just know I would hate to marry someone I didn't love and pick for myself.
2007-01-10 05:15:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Indian customs are different, but I have to say that I don't like the arranged marriages, that's just my opinion...
2007-01-10 05:12:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
being an Indian i can bet Arranged marriage is the best. love after marriage is true love and stays forever. its a strange idea of two stranger meeting n making life and love but it works. indian marriages are great success. people sacrifice alot to save their marriage
2007-01-10 05:21:34 · answer #6 · answered by cuttienayan 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Marriage is about families coming together, spouses staying together and everyone functionally together. Then, the system is not bad in general.
2007-01-10 06:16:47 · answer #7 · answered by Cappuccino 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They have different customs than we do. We can easliy get a divorce if we want
2007-01-10 06:10:37 · answer #8 · answered by I hate stupid ppl like you 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋