will you allow?

Question

my ex and i are not married...we have a lovechild... evrytime he gets involved with diff girls ... he would deny her existence...he did it twice.. he doesnt support her financially..and yet he wants to talk to her over the phone..if you are in my situation,will you allow your daughter to see or talk to her father

Answer 1

if i were u i would have asked him to marry me if he says no then i would have at lest asked him to give FULL RITES to his daughter to whim he loves to talk on phone!
talking on phone is not the rite of the father he should also support her needs too then he will be a man if no then he is a freak

Answer 2

First of all, he does have a legal right to see her even if he does not support her.
Secondly, if you don't allow her to have a relationship with her father she will hate you. She will think that the only reason he didn't have anything to do with her is because you didn't allow it. And it doesn't matter if you're the best mother ever and you explain everything to her, she needs to see that you want her to have a father and that you tried your best to keep him involved.
I've seen this happen so many times and it just sucks, I really feel for your situation. But you don't want to be labeled the bad guy in your daughters eyes so try to be the bigger person.

Answer 3

If this person is causing grief for her, then no.
That should be your deciding factor.

But if it's anything otherwise- think about it legally. If he's pissing you off, and/or hurting you with this behavior and it's causing problems- this will also indirectly effect your child.
This is not a good thing.

So, if he is not providing child support- you can choose to deny contact. That's kind of the legal exchange. Support= contact.
Of course you don't have to recieve support to allow contact, that's a personal choice.

But maybe putting your foot down on this matter will show him that his willingness to pretend that she's not there- might just cost him that very thing. Chance are, it will piss him off.
Maybe it's a lesson to be had.

Answer 4

Your child is not a tool to punish your ex. If your goal is to mentally disturb her, then go ahead and deny your daughter a relationship with her FATHER. To even consider this is a sign of extreme selfishness on your part. Let him take the blame for the relationship of dad and daughter being unstable, instead of your daughter blaming you later on.

Answer 5

It's natural to want to protect your daughter. It's frustrating for a mom to see that.

Depending on her age, she may not mind as much as us adults. Sometimes we adults have more definitive notion of how relationship should go. Talk to your daughter. She may have the solution.

Child support? Pay or no pay is somehow together yet separate from the bond and the relationship. And again it's frustrating for the mom without child support, but it's more frustrating to make him pay. Isn't it?

Let it go. (personal experience) Then, it doesn't bother you and allow you the happiness/sanity you deserve.

Hope this helps. Best Wishes.

Answer 6

I am not with my daughter's biological father anymore. I have come to the conclusion that the two of them have their own separate relationship and I steer clear of that. Even though you may not like what he is doing and it shows nothing of his character, I don't think you should refuse to let him see or talk to her. As long as he is no danger to your daughter's safety you have to respect their relationship. In time, your daughter will make her opinion of her father. As far as child support, still no reason in my eyes to hold her hostage from her biological right to have a relationship with her father. That issue is to be pursued through family court.

Answer 7

Yep. You sort of have to lay in the bed you made. Make a better bed the next time. Try birth control, it will keep you from having to keep the dead beat dads in your life for 18+ years. The best you can do now is to make your daughter #1 in your life, don't put another dead beat in it for her, lest she grow up and make the same mistakes you did. What do think mothers are for? The best to you both.

Answer 8

Absolutely, she is as much his child as yours. She has every right to have a father in her life. Woman that alienate a "love child" (formerly knows as a bastard) from the father should be go to jail.
I would love to know why woman like you feel a father should have to pay to see a child once every two weeks. Remember ladies you are the ones that chose to mate with these men who are not committed.

Answer 9

do not use your child as a battering ram against her father. he's a jerk. he's immature. he's thinking with the wrong head. so, you need to take the higher road. allow your daughter to speak with her father.

question: why doesn't he pay child support? don't you feel your daughter is worth it? why won't you go to court and seek financial remedy for this?

good luck and be safe.

Answer 10

well.for one.you can't stop anything.that kid's got a father,he may not be prefect,but you can't separate the both of them.maybe if you do,when she grows older,she might hate you for what you did,even though it's the right thing to do,so if i was in you situation,i would have to talk the my ex and ask him to come up with an idea.because you can't allow your daughter finding out that her's dad is runnin around ladies..no offends...but thats what i'll do..i hope it helped

Answer 11

I have been in this situation for the past 8 yrs. I try not to ever down on thier father. It demeans us to the kids in the long run. The kids were 6 and 2, now 10 and 14 theyve made thier own perception of him, from the hurt, and I didnt look like the bad guy, they learn on thier own what these "men" are. My kids think less of thier dad than I do. and he or they can never blame me, only his actions! Pray for your child, hard lessons learned will strenthen the bond between you b4 its all said and done. God Bless you in whatever you decide.