I am in major need of help! I have been with the love of my life goin on year #8...engaged 1yr. He propose in sept of 2005. I wanted to get married in sept or dec 2006 but he said 2008. I said fine and now 2008 is next year and now he is saying 2009-2010. Im so fed up with this BS and i dont know what to do. i know we are only 21 but comm'on now we have been together forever! When i ask him why does he keep delaying the date he just says because he is scared and too young...but we sure can live together and have s*x huh! I just need some suggestions on what i should do or say to him.
2007-01-09 17:20:50 · 19 answers · asked by Lost 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why you in such a rush? You are young WAIT! Marriage isn't just a way to say "hey we're a couple". It is very serious and divorce is used way too often. WAIT
Let him save some money. Get your educations. This way you can support a family later!
Get married now and you 2 better be some motivated people or things just won't work out. You know what the #1 reason for divorce is? Money... get it done
2007-01-09 17:24:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are too young, he is right, but not for the right reasons. He doesn't want to be married now (right decision), but he says it is because you all are too young, if that is the case why bother getting engaged so soon? If you wait, he may follow through, but he may not and where does that leave you? Having wasted much of your precious time with him instead of finding the right man.
I suggest you do as many suggested. First move out, no ultimatums, just move out, you shouldn't live together so far in advance of getting married anyway, it is a non-incentive for getting married and more than likely will pull you apart in the long run, especially if there is no real commitment behind it (like a marriage license).
Start seeing other people. You are young, you need to experience life. I don't mean go out and sleep with a ton of men, no, I mean get out and experience life, date, get your degree, get a job, get your own place, have a career, travel, etc. Until you have experienced life, you have not fully molded yourself into the person you are going to be in about 10 years, neither has he. You will be two completely different people 10 years, even 5 years from now. How do you know those two people will be in love and want to be married? You don't and you won't until that time passes.
I married at 22. I have two daughters and one of the most important things I want to impart to them is to have a life on their own before they get married. Support yourself, learn who you are. Until you know who you are, you don't know who you should marry.
I am still married, but it has not been without lots of difficulties. All of them due to the personal changes my husband and I both have made since getting married over 18 years ago. I've been lucky...don't leave your future up to luck, give yourself a fighting chance.
2007-01-10 02:01:33 · answer #2 · answered by USCErin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I can kind of understand where he's coming from...even if you two have been together forever, you're still pretty young to be getting married. Maybe you should just give him the time he needs to be ready for that stage in his life. And living together and having sex are both a lot different from marriage...marriage is very binding and final, as its a lifelong commitment. Personally, I'm at the stage where I'm ready and would love to move in with my boyfriend when I can afford it, but I wouldn't even think of getting married right now. You're young, give it a few years...if its meant to be, it will be!
2007-01-10 01:36:22 · answer #3 · answered by jellybean24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh you are so young. I know it seems like forever, but you really havent had a chance to get out there and live. Neither of you have. As hard as it may seem, take a break from each other for a little while and see what the world has to offer. I can assure you that this is probably what you both need. Other wise he will continue the stall tactics and you will be frustrated and bitter.
2007-01-13 21:33:53 · answer #4 · answered by blaak_grl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why you don't live together until after you're married. If you're already living together and giving him all the sex he wants with none of the more unpleasant trappings of marriage, where's the incentive? Try reminding him that if you get in a bad accident he will not be able to get in to the Emergency Room to see you unless you're married because boyfriends aren't considered "family". If that doesn't scare him into waking up, maybe you should wake up and ask yourself whether or not he's really committed to marrying you or if he just wanted an excuse for you to move in with him.
2007-01-10 01:28:32 · answer #5 · answered by Cat Loves Her Sabres 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
since you are only 21 and do not want to wait for all those year before getting married. the problem is simple give him back your engagement ring and tell him that you cannot wait for him to get unscared or older.you can move on and make your decision to cancel all the wedding plans , until he is ready and willing. dont stay engaged for 5 years ... usually and engagement is for two years max.... when he proposed you should of have him commit on paper. he wants his fun and no marital status ..you are now in a common law relationship that give you the same rights as a married woman.. so you have to decide if you want to stay that way or walk away... good luck... your heart will quide you.
2007-01-10 01:38:22 · answer #6 · answered by carol s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe him when he tells you he is scared and too young. An adolescent relationship is not the same as an adult relationship. Both of you are just now learning about what it really takes to survive in a global community.
Are you both prepared to handle all the adversity the world has to offer?
Maybe he has higher expectations on what married life should look like and feel like.....and doesn't think that he can provide that now.
He sounds like a smart guy. Listen to him.
good Luck!
C-F
2007-01-10 01:33:16 · answer #7 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, it sounds like you grew up together. He may have a point about being to young but if you are living together and having sex it sounds like he is getting what he wants without having to get married. If being married means that much to you then kick him out and tell him that you need a bigger commitment from him. He will either panic and get his stuff together so that he can give you what you need or he will decide that he doesn't want to be married to you. Either way he will have made up his mind and you will know just how serious he is about you and you will be better off knowing where you stand.
2007-01-10 01:29:11 · answer #8 · answered by flappymcp 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure where you live but I know that in Canada that if you live with a man for more than 3 consecutive months the government recognizes your relationship as common in law. and you have the same rights and privileges as a couple that have marriage certificate, so in effect you are married you are just not church ed
2007-01-10 01:38:16 · answer #9 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you should wait, especially if he isn't ready. If you love him and only him then why does is matter if you are married right now? You have plenty of time. I thought I was ready to get married when I was about 19 but I'm glad I didn't do it. Maybe he really wants your marraige to last forever so he wants to take his time and know he's ready.
2007-01-10 01:31:32 · answer #10 · answered by ginger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋