ive never really had a steady job but i was going to college (i recentley dropped out). im getting married soon and i dont plan on working and the person im marrying actually prefers i dont anyway so i can take care of the house and cook and stuff. everyone has been giving me such a hard time about this. my soon to be husband doesnt make that much money and everyone keeps telling me i need to get a job. i feel like a failure for not working but there is nothing that would make me happier then taking care of all my husbands needs in the home. am i failure for not working? why is this so unexeptable now a days when back in the day it was what everyone did? why is everyone making me feel like im a lazy failure?
2007-01-09 17:02:41 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People really drive me crazy.
It is positively perfect for you to want to stay at home and take care of your husband. There really is no need for both of you to work. Your marriage will be stronger for the fact that your husband knows that you are at home, working to make his life easier and better. And you will know that your husband is working for you each day. You will be able to spend the non-work time together, enjoying each other, instead of splitting the chores. You won't be bickering over whether he took out the trash, because you know that you'll have time during the day to take care of it. You won't be complaining that he doesn't pull his weight at home because you will know that it is not his job. His job is to go to his place of employment, while your job is to manage the household.
And don't listen to the people who say to finish your education so that you have a place to go if things don't work out. This is the worst way to begin a marriage. Continue your education if you want to learn something, but not as a safety net.
Just make sure that you do work each day as if you are at an outside job. Get up in the morning, take a shower, put on your make-up, schedule your day so that certain tasks get done at certain times, just as you would outside. It worked for women in previous generations because they understood that being at home was their job, not an opportunity to watch television and sit on their butts.
Again, it will be such a blessing for your husband to come home to a nice meal together, instead of take-out that someone picked up in a rush on their way home. It will be a blessing for him to go to work with a nicely ironed shirt (saves cleaner's bills), a packed lunch (saves money), and a note inside telling him how much you love him. You'll find that instead of spending your free time with him complaining about things at work, you'll actually be able to learn about the inside man, and you'll both be better for it.
You are not a lazy failure. You are a wise woman.
2007-01-10 01:54:15 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My family acted the same way. I graduated high school with a 4.0, went to college for a while, maintained a 4.0 there too. My husband at the time didn't even have a HS diploma, we weren't making much. I dropped out of school to make more money. My family wasn't happy, then I quit my job and started to stay home which allowed my husband to find a better paying job. He has also since accquired a HS diploma. My family is still not happy. My point, Screw your family what do you want?
Just realize this, (this is what I have had to talk to myself about) Should things sour, having no recent work expirience isn't a good thing, in my opinion you should tryto complete school, (I could take some of my own advice) things seem to have a way of working out. If you don't have kids yet, then income really isn't as big of an issue. If you are getting evicted and whatever then yeah obviously you need to re-think your choice....
I have been a stay at home mom now for a year, I found out I was pregnant two weeks after quitting my job. We already had one son. It was kind of scary but now we are doing better than ever. You aren't being lazy and you should do what you want to do, and to the person who said she stays at home cooks cleans and runs the kids around, THAT IS A MAJOR job, and one of THE most IMPORTANT. It is hard though (I agree with another answer) to live with out a double income, but if your comfortable, your bills are paid and you have a roof over your head, who the hell cares! its your life, live it to be happy!
2007-01-10 01:25:31 · answer #2 · answered by #3 Due December 25th!! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your not a lazy failure. Now a days it takes 2 incomes to maintain most households. Mine included. I have friends, a married couple that prefers that she stay home. While they are living way below poverty level it is they're personal choice. I personally work 40+ hours a week and still take care of my home and my fiance. If you and your husband agree that you should stay home then that's your choice. The only ones that will have to live that lifestyle is you guys so don't listen to any ones crap on it. Granted we no longer live in the age of June Cleaver but some men prefer that, and if that is something you want as well then great but don't be disillusioned on what type of lifestyle you two will have. However if you are feeling that you should continue your education and get a job then he should not stand in your way and you should not let him if he tries. In the end it will be you that will have to answer to yourself on your choices. Good luck !
2007-01-10 01:17:32 · answer #3 · answered by jenny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People have a tendency to think that just because you do not work you are lazy. They dont think about the things you do around the home like cook, clean, wash, etc. And you're right - it USED to be ok to do it - but now it is like a sin.
My husband told me to quit work last year - I did, we have our own little business. I work at home - i cook, clean, wash, and run our boys where they need to go for school and such. If that's not a job - I dont know what is :)
Everyone has an opinion - it doesnt mean you have to listen to them!!
2007-01-10 01:11:38 · answer #4 · answered by jst_lv_me_alone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see nothing wrong with staying home for a little while. However, I really think you should get a job or further your education. The reason I say this is because if you look at statics of marriage and divorce the divorce rate is higher. If you were to be a house wife and 10 years down the road your husband decides to leave you because its not working out. What will you do? Keep in mind you have been unemployed for the last 10 years and you still have no college degree. In today society you have to be able to support yourself. You don't want to have to depend on a person 100%. I wish you luck in your marriage and please don't let people determain your worth. Good Luck.
2007-01-10 01:20:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
screw what everyone else thinks, do what you want to. If they have a problem with the way you are running your life then tell them that they need not to worry you can handle your own life. I think you should go back to school though, because you will need your education further on in life. But really, taking care of your husband is the greatest. Have fun and don't let people get you down
2007-01-10 01:10:29 · answer #6 · answered by 1982 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why they think it is their business when it is solely a decision between you & your husband. One of the results of women's lib was that a woman should have the right to choose what is best for her. In spite of that many women feel it is the duty of a childless woman to contribute to the family income. Most of the childless, married women I worked had husbands who pitched in at home to maintain the household.
Regardless do what it is you want to do. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone. If people seem to be determined to tell you what they think just tell them it is between you & your husband, you aren't soliciting advice & you don't want to discuss it any further -- & then don't. Eventually they'll stop harassing you.
2007-01-10 01:19:01 · answer #7 · answered by Judith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just my opinion: I've always looked down on women who depend on their husbands for money and who don't pull their own weight. Its just not an equal partnership, and I find it kind of degrading for the woman. I mean its okay if its for a few years and for the purpose of taking care of children...but everybody needs to have their own fullfillment in life, and I don't know how you could ever feel fullfilled just cooking and cleaning for your husband. Plus, what if you two end up divorced? If you have no job skills, how will you support yourself? Not to be a ***** or anything, but yes this is "unaccetable" in today's society because this is the 21st century and women are suppossed to have reached new levels of equality. But hey, I am only 19...what the hell do I know?
2007-01-10 01:41:26 · answer #8 · answered by jellybean24 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Think of your own future what if this marriage fails? What if you are suddenly on your own? What about when you are old and gray and you don't have pensions or Social Security to fall back on? You might take a year or two off but yes both partners need to contribute now a days otherwise your spouse will become bitter and resent you for not pulling your own weight.
2007-01-10 01:12:34 · answer #9 · answered by melissa g 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is not inappropriate, it is just that todays lifestyle often takes
two incomes...
If the man made enough money, the woman would not have to work....Some women go to school for years for a professional
degree and career...These women want to work for a while...
2007-01-10 01:08:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋