Just wondering if I'm the only one out there who's husband still gets to come and go as he pleases while I struggle to find any free time. He looks after the baby when I ask but why do I have to ask? Why can't he just assume that I might like a break sometimes and just do it? Same with housework!!!
2007-01-09 15:43:10 · 19 answers · asked by Jules 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think it depends on the relationship. I work and my wife stays at home. There are times when I work from home and make a point to spend time with the kids. On weekends I make a point to give her break, send her shopping, we use a sitter to go out on dates. What will help you the most is communicating the need for some help. He will understand and lend a hand. Sometimes us guys need to be reminded that we need to help. I know I forget sometimes how hard my wife is working and have been guilty of taking it for granted. It is a good thing when she reminds me. It make me be a better husband and father. No housework needs to be a thing where you just need to establish ground rules on who does what and where you need help at. I know the longer we have been married the better I am getting. When we had our first daughter it took me a while to figure out I actually had to do my part. Lol, sad but true. Now I have 3 girls and I can wrangle all of them and be Mr. Mom very quickly. Don't loose hope and just know that expressing your frustrations and communicating is always is a good thing. I hope that helps.
2007-01-09 16:24:34 · answer #1 · answered by Mario L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you're coming from. I am the one who has (until about a year ago when he started working part time) been bringing home the money, taking care of the kids, the house and it seemed like everything else. After a few month separation he is back in the house for his last chance to show me he has changed.
I DO see improvements. Like I said, he has a job and is working more and more (albeit part time) hours, he is doing some more things around the house to help (loading/unloading the dishwasher, taking trash to the garage) and for the first time in the lives of my kids, he has actually given them a couple of baths. (The oldest one is 6 1/2 years old). After closing a family business (where I took the kids with me every day), he did watch them during the day while I was at work... but as soon as I walked through the door it was a hand-off of the kids.
Like others have said here, he said he didn't know what to do or that I wanted/needed help. So now I ask for help with this and that, and try to have him see that things need to be done. This training him stuff is hard.
2007-01-10 07:39:52 · answer #2 · answered by Genie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do understand my ex didn't quite get the picture either and I found myself asking the baby is now 5 months old, when are you going to spend some time together. Answer: there is nothing I can do with him right now. Continued with I know it is very hard for you to plan anything now, but I'm trying to get my stuff done. Well after a couple years his stuff still isn't done, but the court ordered him to see his child and I can get some stuff done now. Why don't you sit down with your husband and honestly tell him how you feel. Your not the only person to feel like this. Normal one person feels as if they are holding up more of the work.
2007-01-10 00:08:26 · answer #3 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesnt know that its as big a problem as it really is. Men are not naturally motivated for some things. We like to play with the kids when they are in a good mood, but we dont want to handle things when they are not easy. Just like you never ask your husband if you can change the oil or replace the brakes, but you want to drive it when it is running good. Men are made differently. However, things change when we get married and have kids. Women are better at making the changes and doing things that need to be done, even if they dont feel like it. Men tend to do things "only" if they feel like it. You have to train him.You have to set him down and look him in the eyes and make him understand how you are feeling and let him know the strain you are under and that you need his help. "Assign" him jobs that you want him to do.Dont expect him to "look" for things that need to be done. Women sometimes have a hard time letting others do things around the house,because she wants them done right. You are going to have to compromise allittle on the quality, but the trade-off will be worth it if you can get some help. If he wont help, then you will have to stop doing some things for him. He will need to feel the consequences for his lack of action. Try to make it a "team effort" and not a "boss over her employee effort". I recommend a book by Dr. Henfy Cloud and Dr. John Townsend called "Boundaries in Marriage". It will help with this and many more challenges in marriage. Get him to read it with you. You can get it an most any Christian book store, and even other types of book stores. Hope this helps. :)
2007-01-10 00:15:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had that issue with my husband a couple of years ago when my younger child was born. What I did was one day when he had the day off and was sick to boot I handed him the baby (dirty diaper and all) told him the things that needed to be done for the day and left. (went to the pool, window shopping, etc) When I came home he apologized and now he is always asking what he can do to help. One day of seeing what I had to do all the time made him more appreciative and it's helped our relationship alot. Good luck!
2007-01-09 23:58:03 · answer #5 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a job? If not, that's why. If you're not working, why should he have to work and do all the housework and take care of the kids? Now, if you were contributing financially to the household then housework and taking care of the kids should be split evenly.
2007-01-10 00:08:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because they think that it is the woman's job. The only time my husband looks after our 4 kids is if I take off before anyone gets up around 4am. The men think that the woman's job is cleaning house and taking care of the kids, Just make sure you get your time to yourself.
Good Luck
2007-01-10 00:35:30 · answer #7 · answered by butterflybaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter is 10 and my husband has never had to worry about whose going to look after her while he does anything. That's always been my responsibility. He has never taken her to the doctor's, dentist, school, or after school activities. However, he is a very hardworker and tries his best to provide a good living for all of us.
I feel what you are saying and I totally understand, but I don't have any advice.
2007-01-10 00:35:03 · answer #8 · answered by sarabear318 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he doesn't know what you need. A lot of times women expect men to just know and they do not. I did this with my husband and when I finally talked to him, he told me he didn't help because I complained about the way he did everything and he didn't realize how much I had to do so he didn't really know I needed help. You should not expect him to read your mind, talk to him and tell him what you want and need. You will be happier and less resentful.
2007-01-10 00:00:50 · answer #9 · answered by Shepherdgirl § 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THAT IS YOUR JOB NOW DO IT AND BE HAPPY ABOUT IT not to sound to ruder but women get there roles mixed up. you better watch the kids or kid and be sure not to lose the romance, make sure you get a babysitter and go out with your husband on a date, and what ever you do don;t nag him!!!! do not force a bond with him and his little one instead make it a point to suggest family time like hey wednesday night we should take a stroll after dinner or take it one day a week and eventually he will grow tolike to spend time with his little one it won;t be forced upon him and nagged by you. just be a good mom and good wife that is what your job is or you will find yourself by yourself!
2007-01-10 00:02:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋