Im in love with my best friend, but we are married to other people. I know she is in love with me. She has been for many years. I' have been having marital problems with my wife and I am not in love with her. I also know my friend is in the same position. I do not want to start a relationship with her because I'm am married and still want to work at my marrage, but all I can think about is her. I hate holding back anything from her because I trust her with everything and all my problems. I dont know if we both openly admiting our feelings to each other will ruin any chance of us still being friends or us end up cheating on our spouses. Should I keep quiet to her or share m feelings?
2007-01-09 15:20:42 · 10 answers · asked by Lost 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well.. she has already cheated on me.. Keeped on lying to me for 6 months that she was not seeing his anymore. Now she wants to to work it out but Im dead inside to her. I want to work it out with my wife and am trying to keep my feelings for my friend separate. My friend is the one that has been helping me throught this so it is hard for me to keep this part from her. And I was in love with her years before my wife's affair.
2007-01-09 15:40:32 · update #1
It depends on what you want. Some "fun" and a change of pace or to immediately try to jump from one long term relationship to possibly another.
Work on your current marriage. There are gonna be rough times to where you wonder if you want to be in the relationship. You will truely know deep in your heart if you know you don't want a long term commitment with your wife anymore. Until you are at that point, you have an obligation to make every attempt to work it out with your wife. You did take a vow (which is your word). I have been divorce and now happily remarried now, but I did know deep in my heart and have no doubts, because of my current happiness, that it was ultimately the best thing (and it was mutual) between us (our divorce).
All I'm saying is follow your heart and your head. Don't just abandon the marriage because you have an opportunity to, only do so if you know there is absolutely, positively know way that you could ever be happy with her.
I'm 38 now, been married once (at 24), divorced (at 28) and remarried (at 33). I played the field to the extreme after I got divorced. Sure it was fun, but after a while you get tired of all the games you gotta play and trying to balance everything out. My current wife, we started clean. No skeletons in the closet. She doesn't like to argue, as I dont either. Even after 5 years she acts like its when we were dating and adores me. I feel absolutely the same way. I'd never even consider having an affair because I could never betray the trust we have for each other. Even if I knew I could get away with it, no way, I'd never be able to look at myself in the mirror afterwards. That, my friend, is the kind of relationship you are seeking in life. Those type of relationships need to start with a clean slate.
But on the otherhand, I have a friend, that was in the same boat as you, back in 1995, that got into a relationship that was still going on until I lost contact with them 5 years later. They were always acting all giddy towards each other after all that time. But maybe it was meant to be.... Maybe it didn't last, I'm not sure now.
Just work on the marriage, but ultimately, if you're not happy, then the relationship can't be happy.
2007-01-09 16:18:47 · answer #1 · answered by SharpGuy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things are messed up. Your g/f gave you that ultimatum because she probably felt the vibe from you for your friend. If your friend is just that then accept it. You've done just that for so long. Unless she feels the same way about you, then you need to move on. Have your g/f's whatever. But if your friend is truely your friend, I would not take that ultimatum again. True friendships are a lot harder to come by than girlfriends. I guess I would talk to your friend. If she has been there for you all this time, why would she not be there for you now. She might get freaked out about what you have to say, but at least it's off your chest and then a dicision can be made about where to go from there. Good luck!
2016-05-23 01:55:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you don't tell her.. If something is wrong in your marriage which is causing you to long for your friend because you are closer to her instead of your wife then that's your problem but don't go wrecking another marriage just because your flesh is telling you to go for it!! Listen to common sense and respect your vows!! If you are really a good friend you wouldn't put such a thing on your friend.. This supports my theory of why it is not always a good thing to have friends outside of the relationship unless your relastionship has reached a level where you are content with your partner and that protects the siutation from drama in the end!!!!
2007-01-09 15:40:37 · answer #3 · answered by Jazzie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, there is always temptation---- evolution made you that way --- to impregnate as many females as you can. You'll be in and out of marriages most of your life if you follow the lead of your little head. Advice? Use your big head, and "Shut the hell up". Betrayal is the deal buster in a marriage. Every wife and every husband deserves a spouse who they can trust. How would you feel if your wife were contemplating betrayal???? HMMMM different, now, huh??
2007-01-09 15:36:40 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems like ur right in the middle of anotomy of a divorce---on the one hand you say you want to work on ur marriage, but at the same time ur infatuated with this other woman. big mistake pouring out ur marrital woes to another women who is also have mariage issues. being in love is a choice we make and I think you need some counseling. also, find yourself a mature guy you can pour your heart out to----last,, the reason the grass is greener on the other side is it is usally over the septic tank!
2007-01-09 15:35:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know i just went through this like 4hours ago. I told my best friend that i love him, yet i still love my husband (i know you prolly think i am messed up). He loves me back. Its nice to know sometimes that others love you. Now i would never split with my husband for this man, but now i know if i ever need a hug or someone to talk to, i will always have him.
Work on your marriage. If things improve, then you have it made. If they dont, i would advise against jumping into it with her. Give it time....all things are revealed in time!
2007-01-09 15:28:15 · answer #6 · answered by Shayla L 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait until your marriage is over before you pursue the best friend..
otherwise a lot of people are going to get hurt and angry,,,,,,,,,,,,
2007-01-09 15:31:57 · answer #7 · answered by Bren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Finish one thing before you start another. You cannot have both.
2007-01-09 15:27:01 · answer #8 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Back off that's a dangerous place to be.
2007-01-09 15:25:59 · answer #9 · answered by gblue52 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
dont open that can of worms!
2007-01-09 15:25:03 · answer #10 · answered by mnj72 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋