Is it possible to ever truly forgive a spouse who has an affair and leaves you for another person? Do you ever look at that person in a positive way again? If you have kids and have to deal with them - how do you get past all the hurt and anger? How do you not let those feelings impact the way you deal with them in the future?
2007-01-09 15:18:57 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, you can forgive. You just find a way, my way was through Jesus Christ. I think it is everyones way. He is merciful and will forgive you your sins no matter what they are and how many they are, so why should we not forgive? As far as getting past the hurt and anger, time is a great healer. My x did many things that hurt me deeply, but now we can talk and raise the kids together. It was a very long hard road. In the beginning I kept a journal, it was mine alone, I journaled whatever came out, good or bad, ugly, sad, nasty, mean, curse words, whatever it was. It was a great tool to get all the emotions out. As far as not letting the feelings impact the way you deal with them in the future, like anything else, its a choice, its yours to make. Choose wisely, your kids will be watching.
L.
2007-01-10 02:52:21 · answer #1 · answered by tink3610 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible to forgive but the hard part comes when you have to forget what that person has done in order to get things accomplished. It is very hard and in some cases impossible but when you have children involved you must keep in mind that they are innocent in this whole thing and despite the way you and your spouse may feel about each other the children just love their parents and want things to be civil. Try to always let them come first and if things get to be too hard there are always ways to get around seeing that person. for instance if you must pick up the kids arrange for a mutual friend or civil family member to make the drop off that way you are both assured that the kids are safe and you don't have to be bothered. As much as possible take the high road in matters, push for the fastest and least invasive answer to any problems that should arise. this will make things easier for your kids and keep you from being caught up in disputes that drag on for long drawn out periods of time. As far as the hurt and anger , well I'll be honest with you I don't know if it ever goes away but what many learn to do is make peace with the situation and move on. By letting a persons wrongs stop you from moving on in your life allows them to hold power over you. At this point it sounds like they have taken enough from you , don't let the have that too. God bless you and good luck.
2007-01-10 00:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by frsttmshy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can all ways forgive but not forget. But on the account of your kids you should be able to be his friend only on the level to see his kids and that is it. Just look at it like this he left the best woman and family that he would ever have. He will never find another woman as good as you you are one of a kind. Just go out and live your life and take care of your kids. Your kids need you way more than past hurts. Let those feelings go they will only get in the way of your real blessing from GOD. If he left then he was not the MAN for you trust me when GOD sends your your KING you will know. He will accept you and your kids and not let any of you go.
2007-01-09 23:26:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you can ever truly forgive. I did but not for him or for my child but for myself. Holding on to hurt is the single most self destructive thing you can do to your self. I heard a quote on a show recently that said holding on to the pain of the past is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. You only cause yourself greater harm and pain, not them.
Rather than trying to forgive, you might try what I did. I put every ounce of energy I had into living well. I was always kind and civil to him. I wouldn't let him see that he still affected me emotionally. My time was spent bettering myself for my daughter and me. He had to watch me develop into everything he ever wanted but now can't have. Trust me, living well is the best healer you will ever find. Someday you will see the regret and desire on his face and it will make all your hurt go away! I am happy and in a stable long term marriage and have a wonderful family. His little fling left soon after they got married as did the other two. He is now alone and miserable and I can't really say that I care all that much anymore.
Good luck.
2007-01-09 23:40:13 · answer #4 · answered by T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think it's possible to forgive. Or at least get to the point where the whole subject is null and void. For me, the key was to acknowledge my share of the responsibility in what happened - i.e., I myself *chose* the guy who walked out on me, I f**ed up, end of story. I am responsible.
As soon as the responsibility is placed on you - it's a piece of cake to forgive; what are you gonna do - be mad at yourself for the rest of your life? You have no choice but to move on. Plus, it allows you to take more control over the events in your life, as in "ok, this was bad, but I can do better next time". You're not just a sitting duck at the mercy of others, you can make the decisions and make a difference.
My former husband and I have been separated, and later divorced, for 6 years now... We still talk, although I am now re-married. My resentment has evaporated years ago; all the negatives are in the past.
2007-01-09 23:36:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I've been cheated on several times and have quite a bit of experience with this subject. I actually gave several second and some third chances.
I found that it isn't possible to ever trust a person again after they cheat on you. That is the ultimate betrayal and if they are willing to do that then what else are they willing to do? Also, if they do it once, they'll more than likely do it again.
If you want to see how bad repetition is in this country just look at the US Criminals. 90% of active inmates are not on their first tour of a prison/jail.
2007-01-09 23:39:18 · answer #6 · answered by Mindchser 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to through a similar situation. I might forgive but, never forget. My husband had an affair with a single mom. What hurt me the most was that he cared more for her son than his own daughter. I live to see him struggle paying child support, while I live comfortable enough to be happy with my daughter.
2007-01-09 23:48:51 · answer #7 · answered by Mami-Chula 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's possible to forgive..but it will take a long time..yes, you will be able to look it in a positive manner when you have already forgiven him and had moved on...you will get past all those anger when you have trully accepted the situation, forgave him and had moved on..try to concentrate on giving your kids your love & attention instead of concentrating on the pain that was brought about by your x..
good luck!
2007-01-10 00:20:18 · answer #8 · answered by anette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a really tough question. It depends on you emotional health. The pain may or may not go away...but instead lessen with time. It may impact your future relationships which is why i suggest you dont jump into one right away. Let yourself heal. Let yourself be you for awhile...and give yourself time to accept things. Best of luck!
2007-01-09 23:24:36 · answer #9 · answered by Shayla L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any counselor worth their salt will tell you that to save a marriage after betrayal is at minimum two years, with no guarantee.... Betrayal is the ultimate deal-buster. Will you ever forgive? Maybe. Will you ever forget? absolutely not
2007-01-09 23:26:16 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋