I have a 9 month old daughter for a married man,( I found out about the marriage 3 months after conception) In which his wife had no idea. He was taking care of my daughter from day one. But It had been tearing me up inside just having known that my child has to grow up like this, So I continued to ask him when are we going to bring this to the open. (especially living in the same small town). His answer was why hurt someone who doesnt have to know. But I feel he started hurting people when he stepped outside of his marriage. But to make a long story short....I feel a child is the wrong thing to keep a secret (Our children should know each other) So I called her and let her in on our little secret! I could hear the hurt in her voice,and I know it hurts..... I feel so guilty!! Was I wrong???
2007-01-09 14:57:43 · 22 answers · asked by letmeknow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, if you wanted him to be divorced and hate your guts, that was the right play.....
2007-01-13 14:35:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You bet, honey... first you were wrong to not take the pill... or to use some other form of Birth Control.... every child deserves married parents. To choose not to take precautions, is to choose to become pregnant.
So, first, you had a child outside of marriage. Then secondly, you chose to continue this pregnancy, even when you found out the guy was married. Then thirdly, you chose to cut off this child's real chance at a normal happy life by keeping it. Then fourthly, you chose to call the guy's wife and tell her.And fifthly, you probably have told all of your friends who the father is.... so everyone will know, and it makes her look like a fool for staying with him (she is) and you've made sure you can go after him for child support...... cold.
Boy, you're one selfish (b)itch, hon. Start thinking about someone beside yourself. Do everyone a favor....Leave town.... Date guys who are available, and don't have children outside of a marriage..... (but then this is one of those joke questions, right?????)
2007-01-09 23:51:29 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be nice if he had the gonads to deal with this like a man. He has the best of two worlds and the only one who can put her foot down besides you is his wife. Time for this boy to grow up. You can help him by getting on with your own life. His wife knows, so she may boot him out and you know his next stop will be you. When your daughter is a little older he will probably cheat on you and so it goes. Lose him. You deserve better and so does your daughter. As for her knowing her sibling, the mother may not be very supportive of that right now, maybe when they are older, maybe never.
2007-01-09 23:07:18 · answer #3 · answered by plaplant8 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. It Was Not Like You Knew He Was Married. If You Kept The Secret From Her Longer Than You Did, The Situation Would Have Been A Lot Worse, Then You Telling Her ASAP
2007-01-09 23:06:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you were, although I can understand your motivation, it would have been
better to tell him, that the relationship could not continue, under such secret terms. Then the onus would have been on him to tell his wife, and deal with the consequences.
If he would not do this, then you should have broken up with him, and you would not owe him any anonynimity at all. I still would not go to her directly with this information, however, but just let her find out in the natural course of things, as would ususally happen in a small town.
She did not deserve to be hit out of left field that way. She did nothing wrong.
2007-01-09 23:14:20 · answer #5 · answered by dabadoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GUILT SHOULD NOT BE ON YOU- IF YOU HONESTLY DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE WIFE. The guilt is on him. It's norm for you to feel bad for the wife of course anyone would whom has a conscios. Thenext step-give her a few weeks to wrap her brain around this. contact her and present yourself as to what you'd like to see happen. realize that she may flat out tell you no and you will need to accept that. You cannot physically think it's ok to raise your child with theirs. as long as he maintains the financial responsibility- you may just have to settle for arranged visits, him come to you, etc. It's too soon and quite frankly presumputios of you to expect the wife to want to "co-family" all the kids. She married him and made their family- you were not in that game plan. Though he proved to you and her tobe scum-you cannot expect her to welcome you with open arms. You are the "other woman" though you state you had clue -thats beside the point. If he keeps up with his responsibilty as the years pass then maybe way down the road you can begin to think that way but right now he/she need to figure out what they do as a fmily- and you'him need to make alternative arrangements around that. Next time-you may want to keep yourself on the pill until you have a wedding ring on
2007-01-13 22:51:22 · answer #6 · answered by KATHEYCARCRASHER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO. If he didn't want her to be hurt then he wouldn't have lied to you or her. You guys live in a small town, eventually someone was going to find out that he was her father when she starts school. It's not fair to your child to have to live like that. You did the right thing.
2007-01-09 23:02:37 · answer #7 · answered by tell it like it is 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think so. She deserves to know just as much as the children deserve to know. It's not your fault, you really didn't know he was married. But, don't doubt yourself. You were right. It's better not to keep big secrets like that because when it does come out in the open, it will be ten times worse that what you wanted it to be.
2007-01-09 23:02:51 · answer #8 · answered by EvilLaughingLeprachaun08 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not only No But Hell No. You did the right thing. It was going to come out sooner or later. She has the right to know that she is't in a honest relationship like she thinks. You are very responsible and caring to think about your daughter and her brothers/sisters.
2007-01-09 23:08:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were not wrong in letting her know. Especially if you don't continue the relationship with the father of your baby. Let the other woman know that while you were unaware of her presence, you have no intention of continuing to share her husband's attention and commitment.
I am sorry for your and the wife's sakes...
2007-01-09 23:28:39 · answer #10 · answered by Developing Minds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did his job.
The hurt was inevitable the moment he cheated.
He should have told her.
Now go get a lawyer and sue for paternity and child support...Do it now before he starts reacting to his wife.
He'll start by claiming it's not his, or that you sleep around and he's the best prize.... the list of excuses is endless.
Now, now, now!!! This will only get worse, start looking out for you and your baby now.
This is a 2-decade battle starting.
2007-01-09 23:05:43 · answer #11 · answered by mt_hopper 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋