His daughter is 11 and been given every thing in the world We disagree about the material possesions and attention that he gives to her and doesn't give to me. It isn't a jealousy thing when it comes right down to it, it is the being ignored that bothers me. He feels as though it is more important to deal with the kids when they are awke and me when they are asleep? Help please, love this man dearly but can't deal with being ignored.
2007-01-09 14:40:03 · 24 answers · asked by kitty k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get counseling before you become so resentful you can't feel the love you once felt for him.
Ask yourself, if you wait and do nothing, will this still be a problem a year from now?
Of course it will be, and worse. Especially as she gets older.
I think he's being very immature and selfish. He should've never married if he could not have an adult relationship with a spouse.
Sounds like he loves his child, which is great, but it sounds pretty dysfunctional.
It's not fair to you or the child, as how are you supposed to build a relationship with the child?
Any step parent/child situation is extremely difficult. Many end in divorces; majority is those that do not seek help.
You may have to try a few counselors before you find a good fit. Insurance will often cover it. If not, it's worth the money spent. If he and the whole family won't go, you go to help learn to cope or deal with it.
Universities and communities also have free meetings. Online support too.
Good luck. People can change; don't give up. But only those who admit there is a problem and are willing to WORK on it. Not just talk about it. Action.
2007-01-09 14:48:37 · answer #1 · answered by Marie123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you diasgree with the way of dealing with the treatment of OUR kids., but then you only mention one child , HIS daughter that is eleven. If you have only lived with him for nine months than obviously the two of you have NO children together! I think you are a jealous woman!!I You knew the man had a child that he raised before you moved in im sure, so you really need to , step back, let him continue to raise his daughter, and stop being sooooo jealous of her.!!! It is jealousy my dear, not the fact of being ignored. How in the world , if you love this man the way you say you do, can you be so hateful toward his child and not want him to spend time with her?? It seems as if you want him to spend every minute with you and just forget about his daughter and to me he is NOT allowing this so i have to give him a thumbs up for not letting a woman come between him and his childs relationship. You will see ,when you have your own, how important it is this day and time to spend alot of time with our children. Why cant yall just think of things that maybe all three of you can do together or is it that you just want him all to yourself??? Sit back and think this one out before you make a big mistake !!!!
2007-01-09 22:57:57 · answer #2 · answered by littleEfan25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl I know the situation I was with a man for almost 4 yrs and he had 2 kids from a previouse relationship they would come and spend evry other weekend in our house and on that weekend i felt like if me and my own 2 kids didn't even exist cuz those little girls were spoiled ****. and everything had to be their way and like you said they got everything materialistic wise the oldest one was not even 8 yet and he got her a beter cell phone then mine. He was a totally different person when ever they were around and i couldn't take it anymore. I cared about his kids but i felt that if gonna act like if they were better then me or my kids then something was not right and i had to let him go. We got into too many arguments over his kids having **** their way all the time it wasn't fair to me or my kids who had to follow the rules. I think you should treat any child different then the other that's how i treated all of them all 4 kids were treated the same. No one should be more special than the other one in a FAMILY!
2007-01-09 23:19:55 · answer #3 · answered by Lost and confused 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're pretty much in a worst case scenario.
He probably loves his kids more than he loves you... at the same time, in any relationship with kids, its important that the kids learn to entertain themselves so that the adults can spend time together.
If he's not willing to teach that to his children, then you're pretty much screwed.
I've deliberately remained an Uncle for quite a lot of kids... and value the need to spend adult time with the parents... in all cases the children are being taught to entertain themselves, even the two year old... admittedly the tiny ones do have issues, they want attention.
But someone past four or five should be able to entertain themselves whilst the parents/adults do their thing as well.
Talk to him about it, if necessary suggest counseling. At worst...
You'll need to learn to accept the behaviors, or decide to move on to someone who pays you the attention you deserved.
Peace and good fortune.
-dh
2007-01-09 22:50:42 · answer #4 · answered by delicateharmony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK first off.. the children come FIRST ! Get used to that. He has it right, deal with the children and then you. Sounds to me like you are jealous of this child and the attention she receives from her father, which is just plain wrong. Granted maybe you should be included in their time since you are now a live in part of their lives but at the same time you can not expect him to devote every waking moment to you when there is a child in the home. Sounds to me like you need to grow up a bit or find a guy that has no kids that can devote all of his time to you.
2007-01-09 22:49:29 · answer #5 · answered by jenny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie you should get on your knees and thank God that those kids have a father that even cares about spending time with them!! In the in I can't say that I wouldn't feel the same way if I was being ignored but still and all it is more of a blessing to have someone that cares about the kids then it is to complain about spending time with him when they are sleep!!!
2007-01-09 22:58:36 · answer #6 · answered by Jazzie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship deserves better than this treatment....yes children are very important, but they also need to see a loving caring environment between their parents...( or whatever the case may be).
The 2 of you should be role models for his daughter, and if she sees you being ignored by him, then she is more likely to allow herself to be treated this way as she grows and develops into a young woman.
You need to help him realise that its heatlhy for the children to see a great realtionship from their parents.
maybe even some family counselling......because if he continues to treat you this way it will drive you away.
2007-01-09 22:47:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you do or say, his kid is going to be the most important thing in his life; his pride and joy.
What you can do about that is spend more time with the child and connect with her. Only when you do that will he see how serious you are about wanting to be a family and he will treat you better.
2007-01-09 22:46:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
explain family time. You need time more than just after kids bedtime. Not that you want to leave the kids all the time but You need your attention too. That is why they're baby sitters. A nice diner and time with you sometimes should be important to kep you happy. If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy.
2007-01-09 23:38:44 · answer #9 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His priorities are clear and there seems to be no balance or choices. However, what about the other child and what involvement do you have with the children as a partner with this guy? Pose that idea to him when the kids are asleep and see how he reacts.
2007-01-09 22:50:39 · answer #10 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋