"What are you doing Derik??? Don't tell me your leaving me!" I scream at him.
"They're coming"
"Who Derik?"
"They got me, and I don't want you to get yourself hurt."
"Wait Derik I-" before I had a chance to finish, he walked up to me and kissed me.
"Bye Susannah."
"No wait Derik! Don't go!"
"Bye"
Before I had a chance to protest, Derik was gone.
What do you think??? Email me with your answer!!
2007-01-09 14:04:25 · 8 answers · asked by hmw95 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
by the way, my name isn't Susannah
2007-01-09 14:05:03 · update #1
It's just a sneak peek!!
2007-01-09 14:54:47 · update #2
Oh pray do tell...What happens next????
2007-01-09 14:12:51 · answer #1 · answered by jaypea40 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very trite and uninspiring. There is no description of anything, and there is no hook to make me care that Derik left or that Susannah wants him to stay.
Work on it a bit more.
2007-01-09 22:19:51 · answer #2 · answered by speranzacampbell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they found me, because if they got him, then they probably would have taken Susannah too.
2007-01-09 22:12:59 · answer #3 · answered by us5we2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad. I liked it. But it's kind of annoying how she keeps saying his name at the end of every sentence.
2007-01-10 15:26:54 · answer #4 · answered by genuine1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is pretty good but i suggest that maybe you put a tad bit more detail into it if you know what i mean.
2007-01-09 22:12:42 · answer #5 · answered by crunkpunksista 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad, not bad at all.
2007-01-09 22:11:22 · answer #6 · answered by producer_vortex 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its alright
2007-01-09 22:09:03 · answer #7 · answered by kemchan2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry, doesn't do anything for me
2007-01-10 08:00:49 · answer #8 · answered by Sam E 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋