My husband is a slob. I want my marriage to be a partnership, but it feels more like I'm a subordinate. I feel unappreciated. I cook every day, clean after him and our dog everyday, care for our dog 80% of the time, listen to his complaints and help him with his college work, and try to be on my "best" behavior (i.e., don't say bad words, don't yell, smile). I work FULL Time as a counselor and when I get home I would really like to relax, but out of 7 days in the week, at least 5 of them he's in a bad mood, demanding, and complaining. What am I doing wrong? I'm so exhausted, confused and angry. Also, we have sex about once a week, and only if he is in the mood. When I try to talk to him, he usually yells at me, tells me to stop *yelling*, ignores me and goes up to bed. We fight really bad when I just can't take it any longer and then he gets really aggressive and angry. I am afraid to talk to him *when he's okay* because I'm scared of him blowing up at me again.
2007-01-09 13:23:33 · 10 answers · asked by El Pajaro Loco 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hmm.. this is a hard one. Its easy to sau its crap and just leave it but you married him for a reason so don't take peoples advice and leave so quick. I've been married for 13 months now and its been really hard, just now its starting to get a little better but i'm on edge expecting it to get worse and trying no to do the 'wrong' thing. I like you have tried to ask people here for advice and have only ever got a few decent answers that have actaully helped me. The way I see it at the moment you have two options, the first is to go to marriage counselling which can be difficult to accept that you need it and to get him there, the second option is to just live through it for a while and wait for things to improve. Write him a letter expressing everything you are feeling, tell him that you will leave things for a while but give it a limit to how long you will wait. Tell him you want things to improve by the one year mark or you may not stick around. Atleast this way you won't have to tell him and just hope that he is listening to you while he tells you that you're yelling at him, i have experienced this, and also the way you are feeling is written there in black and white so he knows whats going on with you and he has the choice of how to deal with it. Let him know everything in this letter. How you are feeling, what you want to change, the things you yourself want to change, what you want for your future together, what is going to heppen if things do not change, everything you want him to know write it down for him. He sounds like a guy who doesn't want to listen to a females 'nagging' as they call it, so don't just have it there for him and let him make the choice.
Oh and for those of you who write 'communicate with him', 'try to talk with him', he obviously doesn't want to so its not going to happen. I had so many people write this and it was obvious that they had no idea what they were talking about. Talking with your husband is very important and is necessary in a marriage but at times its just not going to happen and something else needs to be done.
2007-01-09 13:40:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your experience begs the question as to how you got married to this guy in the first place. All these behaviors would have been evident. Alas, love truly is blind a lot of the time.
But this is called Yahoo! Answers, not "Hindsight is 20/20". I think you 2 need to go to counseling pronto. Unfortunately, he sounds like a man-child. I wonder if maybe in some way you subconciously were trying to "help" him and you misinterpreted it as love?
He needs a male role model, a mentor, somebody who will kick him in the rear and make him bow up and be a man instead of a wimpy, nagging little milk baby.
Here's the problem though; he's got to want to do these things. And I don't know how you motivate that, other than an ultimatum, and you're just going to have to stand firm in the face of his temper tantrum. If he were to ever take it to a physical level, I'd just about have to see that as the end of the relationship, because unless he changes drastically, I see little worth saving at this point.
Good luck, and remember that if this does go south on you, that it could be much worse, at least you don't have any children yet.
2007-01-09 13:51:56 · answer #2 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you got into a relationship that just isn't working. I think you should get out of there and take a break from eachother for a while. I'm sure both of you are under a lot of stress, but after 6 months you two should still be newlyweds, not screaming at each other.
Maybe after you have some space from eachother, you two can have a fresh start.
2007-01-09 13:28:37 · answer #3 · answered by Chellebelle78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of counselor are you....just curious.
Before your marriage goes any further you need to have a serious talk with your husband about what a real marriage is and the responsibilities that both people have.
If you don't get this fixed now in 3 years you'll hate him and because of how your feel about him he won't want to be with you anymore.
You need to get on the same page now and couples therapy would be a good place to start.
2007-01-09 13:32:32 · answer #4 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the stress levels are really high. He's going to school, you're going to work, and you two are trying to adjust to being married. Take a weekend and go somewhere, have some fun togther.
2007-01-09 13:32:05 · answer #5 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guess what? He was like this BEFORE you married him...yet you CHOSE to marry him. Were you banking on him changing after you got married...if so then YOU got married under false pretenses. Beleive me he isn't going to change. So you have a choice. This time THINK first.
2007-01-09 13:32:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow, having problems at only six months? You've got a long, hard road ahead of you.
2007-01-09 13:45:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it upsets me when this happens.you both had a thing not long ago..so you got hitched. deal or no deal ..deal.you have to sort waht you have you both are real good kids so go for it.. x x x
2007-01-09 13:31:50 · answer #8 · answered by Andy K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE him right now dont wait ro get worse.
2007-01-09 13:28:00 · answer #9 · answered by pirateron 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
and your a counselor?
2007-01-09 13:47:30 · answer #10 · answered by pa 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋