Should I leave my husband?

Question

I am married to a really good guy, but he is a drunk. Ive been trying to get him to quit drinking for a couple of years, and he doesn't think that he has a problem. When he is sober he is amazing, but he is usually drunk about every three days or more. I have found him passed out on the lawns at restaurants etc. He works out of town seven days a week, and on the days that he can come home, he will go and sit at the bar for a couple of hours first, before coming to see me and his one year old daughter. I am extremely frustrated and sick of dealing with this. He also acuses me of cheating on him all the time, and I have never even come close to this. What should I do? Do alcoholics ever change if they dont think they have a problem, or am I wasting my time with him?

Answer 1

Do they ever change? Unfortunately, NO! They are alcoholics!! My Dad was an alcoholic, and when he died I carried 11 cases of beer and set it on the sidewalk for whomever to take. 11 CASES! He drank all my life, and when I got old enough to leave, I did. Iw as tired of being around a drunk all the time. Take it from me..... if you think he is going to ever stop drinking, you can forget it. If it bothers you, then you need to move on. He'll NEVER quit!!

Answer 2

If he doesn't think he has a problem then nothing will change. I gave my husband the choice the bottle or his family. He too felt he didnt have a problem because all the women in his life prior to me were also drinkers and tollerated it. I'd tell him "if im telling you its a problem then its a problem". If he chose the bottle I was ready to leave. My husband has been drinking since he was a teenager he is now 35. He can drink half a gallon of whiskey a day! And he can get very very nasty when he drinks and the first time he showed me that side of him it scared me to death. We have a 7 month old son and I have a 13yr old daughter and i will NOT allow them to grow up in a home where they will see that drinking is "acceptable" they deserve better. If he will not change find the strength and leave for your child's sake she doesn't deserve to be brought up in a home where dad is passed out god only knows where.

Mine is now sober and we get along better then ever almost as well as we did when we first started dating and got married. And he knows Im willing to go if he starts to drink again its that simple

Answer 3

I am a 47 yr old man, I was a drunk, I lost my whole family just because they did not want me to drink, I owned my own business, worked 7 days a week for 12 hours a day, I provided well for my family, my wife & I had an agreement about the bar, once a week for pool comps only, but if I drank more than 3 beers she would put her cigarette butts in my beer, ( I am a none smoker) this in turn would put a happy but tired husband in a not very good mood to start with!
So she found a bloke who was a non drinker, divorced me and took my house!

I am still an alcoholic, I dont get drunk everynight, nothing wrong with me, i have remarried to a non drinker but I made it clear, dont harrass me on my drinking & I will be happy as, when she nags that I have had enough I go and get another beer just because I can.

ps: I provide for my new family 100% I now own 2 homes since my divorce, at 47 our sex life is magic, & are about to have our first child together, she is 26 & is learning fast, more you nag more I drink, say nothing I will only drink 3 some times in an evening, nights we go out I can drink up to 14 beers.
My advice is find some one who dont drink cuz its sending you mad cuz YOU dont like it.

As far as him accusing you of infidelity thats wrong wrong wrong, maybe if you stopped nagging him on his drinking he wont need to make some thing up to get you off his case.

So walk away or look at his good side instead of a negative side.

Answer 4

You would be asking if you didn't think leaving is the best thing.
You can't change an alcoholic and he will not change either, unless he want to quit drinking. As much as he drinks he isn't ready.
He accuses you of cheating because that is what he is doing. Open your eyes and take a look at what exactly is going on in your life. Do it for you child. Get yourself and the child out of this marriage before you get hurt or the child.
QUIT WASTING YOUR TIME, START A NEW LIFE.
GO TO COUNSELING, BECAUSE YOU SHOULD NOT LET ANYONE TREAT YOU LIKE THIS.

Answer 5

Well the well factor is that you've got learned you're in an abusive dating and wish to go away. And you must no longer be embarrassed that your marriage failed for the reason that the person you married ended up no longer being a person in the end, purpose there is not any excuse to abuse a lady. Your plan turns out good enough however first I believe you must discover a position of in which you're going. Look for a role there earlier than you arrive so you'll be able to have whatever set. Look for flats there so that you wont grow to be in a the town in which hire is outrageous. Do your study and feature numbers and cope with to be had earlier than you go away. Pack a few snack packs for you and your kiddo and feature coins in a position handy for the avenue. Just realize in which you're going so you'll be able to have a vacation spot and feature matters installed for whilst you get there. Should you want any aid I am greater than inclined to be there for you. I was once as soon as in an abusive dating so I understand how tough it may be. Please allow me realize if I can do some thing for you. God bless you!

Answer 6

If your husband is accusing you of cheating than it is likely that he is cheating on you. I agree with the guy that divorce is the simply answer to everyone's problems. So try and communicate with him, think about him changing jobs or whatever it takes to try and keep the marriage together. He can change if but only if he wants to and you have to give him reasons for changing. If he can not see the benefits of changing then you really do need to consider separation for a time.

Answer 7

some people do change!
I do agree with who ever said you put up with and tolerate certain things for so long that both people get used to it.
You should talk to him and try to change things without leaving but at the end of the day you are in charge of your own happiness.
Dont waste to many more years on it though. Have you tried counseling?
Good luck

Answer 8

You are definitely wasting your time. Move on and be happy. I wouldn't even say this is a marriage. You're already alone. Stand up and believe in yourself. You can make it on your own. You have a baby to think about. She's little now, but pretty soon she will be old enough to see how your husband acts and I'm sure you don't want her traumatized by his alcoholism.God bless you.

Answer 9

Drunks never change. It's gotta come down to you or The Bar. It's not another Woman.It's a Bar. You should be just as mad, as if he was having an Affair behind your back. Life is better than that.

Answer 10

Ok there is something serious behind all this drinking. He is using it to numb himself because of something. He needs to seek help you can't live life in one big blur. That's not living. I wouldn't put up with it in an instant. I grew up with an alcoholic step-father nice memories there..............not. He's the one with the problem not you. Give him an ultimatum and if he gives you a positive response support him. He needs to step up to his responsabilities as a father and be a good role model. All the best : )