is it wrong to stay with someone just for your kids even when all you do is fight?

Answer 1

yes. you're teaching your kids to follow your example. do you want them to chose that kind of a relationship for themselves?

Answer 2

If you are married and these are your biological children together, I really feel that unless the "fighting" you are referring to is physical abuse or very real and true verbal abuse, you should stay.
The reason I differentiate is because you are far less likely to develop resentment if you are doing it for your own kids and you have also vested in an actual marriage-house, cars, banking, etc.
The reason I say stay is because in all honesty a divorce can be extremely traumatic for kids and have life-long feelings of abandonment and inadequacy. It doesn't matter how much you tell them it is not their fault - they will always believe it to some degree. Even the best of parents will "use" the kids during the separation and divorce and this is so damaging to them and to their views of both of you as their caretakers. Finally, although you will hear many, many adult children say they wish their ever-fighting parents would have divorced, you will also hear so many saying they "hate their mother/father" for leaving. This is an awful feeling for adult children to carry with them and also to fear repeating in their own families.
Please consider not only the immediate effects of divorce, but the aftermath of the divorce on your kids as well, which will be far more difficult than the average divorcee thinks it will be. This toll should be factored in when weighing the total "destructive value" of staying vs. divorcing.
You need to find a support system either through counseling or a group or just a few friends that are like-minded...this will help you learn to at least keep your fights "adult-like" and out of earshot of your kids. This is so hard to do, as everyone has an urge to address anger on the spot, but it must be controlled until the kids are away from you.
Good Luck and Take Care.

Answer 3

Hi lost boy!!!

First I have to tell you, that is very hard for everyone invoved, but is worst for the children. Either way you look at it is wrong, when one thinks about kids and marriages gone wrong.

I would advise for you to seek professional counseling, get to the very bottom of the reasons why the fights are so frequent and aire all frustrations and steam from both sides. Probably one of you is asking the other, what one can NOT give!!! Be fair.

Regardless of who's fault it is, you most at least try on your part all you can, FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN. Also be honest with yourself, if you are porpousely looking for this fights and arguments, as an excuse to any secrectly reason you might want, to leave.
Think about the impact and consecuences that this will make on your children's life. I'm talking about both, the constant fightings and the possibility of a break-up.

You don't give to many details, so is my believe that YOU KNOW, YOU ARE NOT DOING MUCH TO AVOID THIS CONFRONTATIONS.

I suggest you be sincere first with yourself, and then with your wife. If you don't love her any more then tell her. But counseling whatever the outcome of this situation is, most take place.

Mental Health, conseling will help both of you to rich middle ground, with less confusion. And also give both the right tools to start all over again, if that is the case;
or to separate on comom grounds. Just give yourself, wife and kids the benefit of a second chance, with professional help!
And don't forget about this saying, "THE GRASS ALWAYS LOOKS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE, BUT DOESN'T NECESSARILY HAS TO BE!!! Think about it!

GOOD LUCK, GOD BLESS YOU & HAPPY LIFE

ALLIV Z

Answer 4

I think so. Try to work out why your really fighting get to the base of the problem. Seek counselling etc. Don't give up on your relationship until you have tried every possible avenue to rectify it. Your kids deserve nothing less. What do you think your kids think when all they do is see you fighting? All spouses fight but you have to ask yourself is it affecting the children? What do you think your kids would prefer parents that are always fighting or parents that are in seperate homes but are happy. I think fighting doesn't get you anywhere discussions do. Hope this helps and good luck : )

Answer 5

Try your best to get things where there is no fighting, try with everything you've got in you. If nothing stops the fighting then divorce, just remember there is nothing more devastating to little ones or older kids than for their home to be torn up because your life and theirs will never be complete again, there will always be something sad hanging over them. Best Wishes and try as hard as you can to stop the fighting and work on your relationship. You life will never be the same once you divorce and there is no way no one can tell you or prepare you for how bad it's going to be for the rest of all your lives. Best Wishes!!

Answer 6

Yes, it is very wrong to stay with somebody when all you do is fight because such an environment cannot be healthy for the kids. You are not setting a good example for you kids if all they see is their parents fight. Try to work out your relationship and if it is hopeless, leave and move on.

Answer 7

Its really not a good idea. You think your doing best for the kids but the fighting can be worse. I've seen where the kids would have rather the parents divorced b/c of all the fighting.

Answer 8

A lot of people think it's best to stay but I don't think it's healthy for the kids to live with parents who are always arguing. All it does is upset the kids. I say if the parents won't agree to try some kind of counseling to possibly help them to improve their marriage then they should do the kids a favor and get a divorce. ;o)

Answer 9

It is TOTALLY wrong to stay with someone just for the kids. Those kids regardless of their ages are learning from you. If they see you fighting with mom/dad they will grow to think that it is okay to act like that towards your spouse. Its better to be happy apart and raise emotionally stable children then to live together in anger and raise children that grow to repeat the pattern of fighting the two of you do its not healthy for them. When i was growing up there was a period of time when my parents fought all the time and I would pray to god for them to divorce and once even prayed one would die so they'd stop aruging so much. They resolved their problems and were together until my mothers death. But I will NOT allow myself to stay with my spouse just for the kids I wouldnt want them to feel the way I felt when my folks were going at it

Answer 10

Okay, think back to when you were a child. Do you remember how sad & afraid you were when your parents were arguing? It upsets everything in your life. If you are in a relationship that is all confrontational, negative and degrading, children are going to learn all the wrong lessons. Don't you think it is better to be away from the confrontations and raise your children in separate homes that are free of the negativity? They learn what they live. Fight? That's what they learn. Live apart and love them. Make the time that they are with you the best times of their lives. They will thank you later.

Answer 11

From experience I do believe that it is wrong to stay with someone just for the kids. Besides it only gets harder on them the older they get to see the couple split up. Also, do you want your children to grow up and think that this sort of behavior is normal and grow up only to live with the same sort of thing, wanting to leave but stays for the kids, living an existance of complete unhappiness?