I don't know how else to express this to my husband!?

Question

My husband and I have been married just over two years now. We get along GREAT...have told each other we've married our best friend! We share common interests, love being together, have great sex, but there is something I want that he feels like he's already doing. He 'picks' on me and tells me that he likes getting me fired up b/c he thinks it's sexy. BUT...somtimes he picks on me SO MUCH that it just pisses me off to the point that I end up yelling at him telling him to leave me the F$%K ALONE!!! I don't mind giving each other a hard time, it's entertaining, to a point. My problem is that I feel like I am the only one still working to impress him. I miss flirting both verbally and physically. He has told me that 'you married me and I know you love me.....y do we need to flirt?' I just miss him putting effort into things like that. I recently started excercising more and started dressing a bit more sexy to let me know I am his wife and not just a friend.

Answer 1

you know what he hears when you talk to him.......


bla bla bla blabla bla bla blablabla nag nag nag

Answer 2

Prelude - been married 18 years - together for 21.

Welcome to the "beginning" stages of marriage. This is definitely the most difficult time in the marriage and this is the time where most people bail if they get frustrated.

You are still getting to know each other. Respect that and know that it could be another seven years before you've reached a real point of harmony and synergy. I think you are thinking that there is something that needs fixing and it really doesn't.

A couple of points that might help. He is probably doing what he thinks you want. Men are pretty DUMB when it comes to their women in a marriage. I've told my wife thousands of times that I don't get hints and that if she wants me to do something she has to tell me. She is more forward with me but there is this thing in women that I can't understand where they think we can read minds. Unfortunately we can't.

So help him out and spell out for him what you want. He'd be a fool to laugh at you if you are seriously giving him "marriage feedback." The two most important things in a marriage are trust and communication. You sound like you just need to up the communication a little bit.

Tell him and you probably won't be disappointed. Also, remember that you guys are growing into your marriage. There will be lots of bumps coming up but if you are both tenacious and stubborn and don't give up, you will have a wonderful life together.

Good luck.

FP

Answer 3

I personally do not like the " fight to make up" theory, so here's a few ways you can try to calm a situation down;
Before it gets to a point of blowing your top back at him do some thing like flash him a boob or some thing that will make him smile that is sexy, keep flirting with him within the marital boundaries, wear no panties when you are alone & wait for him to notice, its hard to be angry with some one you love who is being cheeky on a personal side, never put fuel on a fire always extinguish it. this will make you a better person & stronger too. If that dont work you may have to sit him down & explain to him that his behaviour is pulling you down to a level that is uncomfortable & is hurting your happy personality.
Take a bit of time & write down all your ideas on how to approach him with the subject if it dont work, at least you will have a clear mind & well prepared for any backlash, dont try & talk if the conversation gets heated. Good luck.

Answer 4

Talk, Talk and more Talk. Communication is the key. You are doing great, but there is a long road ahead. I have been married for 15 years and we are very happy. That doesn't mean we don't have problems. Everyone has problems. Everyone has needs that don't get met, everyone has frustrations. The key is communication and working together to get those needs met within the marriage. There is always a temptation to go outside the marriage to get needs met. Also, if you deny needs long enough, you begin to resent your spouse and it creates a divide between you that can be very difficult to bridge. If you keep talking and both keep trying you can get through anything. Hang in there and good luck.

Answer 5

I've had the same problem w/ my husband. I think it's a man thing. They try and be macho...it's annoying after awhile. He would pick me up like I was a ragdoll and tickle me to the point I would get so mad because of the frustration of not being able to have control over the situation. He'd call it 'flirting', but I just call it straight up annoying.
I give you props for trying to show him that you're his wife now and not just a friend. I should've tried that..
Well, talk to him and let him know how you're feeling. I'm sure he'll be alittle more considerate towards your feelings after you tell him what's up.
Good Luck.

Answer 6

Just talk to him over a nice dinner. And talk about how you two used to act, then go on to how you two act now. Tell him that some of the things he's said has hurt you. In some case he might not even realizes what he is saying to you to hurt you. But how you approach the conversation is key as well! You don't want it to turn into an argument or anything like that. Be patient with the conversation, but be sure to get your point across

Answer 7

I think you both need to decide to stop picking on each other for "fun"- it's really not entertaining if one of you doesn't know when to quit-- it might be time for an exciting hobby you can do together to get fired up. I don't understand your need to impress him, and almost agree with his thinking. Almost. I do think it's great to keep fit and attractive- but most of that has to be done for your own sense of self.
If you didn't get any premarital counseling, or didn't have very good "marriage role models" growing up, you'd both benefit from a new book called "The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage".

With the divorce rate at over 50%, how many of us grew up with positive role models or "examples" on how to be happily married?

Answer 8

Do positive reinforcement. Wait for the rare moment when he says something flattering to you. Then react with a reward. This can be a big smile, a kiss or ....
When he does the insult thing, try to give negative reward. Walk away. Call a freind on the phone. Go do a hobby.
If he has an IQ greater than his waist size he will get the idea soon enough.

Answer 9

Your husband sounds exactly like mine! I to started exercising and trying to look more sexy. It pisses me off when he gets me going especially when people are here and he doesn't know when to stop! As for the flirting good luck getting that back. Men seem to change when they get comfortable with a woman! Next time he tries to get you fired up and your not in the mood for his @&%$ just leave the room or ignore him then he will realize he cant get you going and quit.
Good luck!

Answer 10

Tell him that your stomach knots up and you feel ill when he taunts you, no pissed off woman is sexy to me, try a bit of role playing if he gets turned on by it, as there is a time and a place for being turned on by behaviours. just because you married him doesnt mean he can act differently towards you,. my wife and i have been married 9 years and we still flirt, because we dont get enough of each other (due to Kids) if your not happy tell him or it will end your relationship eventually

Answer 11

I agree with the other person who said to tell your husband exactly what you've said here. Couldn't hurt! So many times, people quit trying once they get married. The flirting and cuteness goes. Its a shame, that is such a fun part of the new relationship. Good luck honey, I'm sure he loves you, he just needs to know this.