With the holidays and all, I've been feeling nostalgic. I've been thinking about him more often. I care for him a lot, and I also love him...as a great friend. The problem is that he is IN love with me...and YES he is a married man. We were best friends before his marriage. And now he's realized that he loves me. (Well now it's too late). I talk to him on the phone regularly, and see him once in a great while. I've had the urge to tell him that I love him, but I can't get myself to do it. I don't want him to think that we can have something more than a friendship.
So how do I tell him that I love him...without making our relationship/friendship more complicated?
2007-01-09 11:37:28 · 42 answers · asked by ina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Go away, he is tied.
)-
2007-01-09 11:42:02 · answer #1 · answered by ® Espresso ® 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If you tell him, no matter how/when you say it, the relationship will be more complicated.
So the answer to your question:
"how do I tell him that I love him...without making our relationship/friendship more complicated?".
DON'T TELL HIM.
Yes...you both have feelings for each other. But it's kinda like saying "the grass is greener on the other side." You obviously can't have him since he's married. If you do get together...you'll be breaking up a marriage and what happens if you and him end up not working out. Think about the long term consequences this could cause.
He has made a decision to marry somebody else, and he has to live with that. And you do too. I know it hurts, but that's how it is.
Hope I helped.
2007-01-09 11:46:27 · answer #2 · answered by Crystal 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ingrizzle,
the best way to tell him you love him is to SHOW him that you love him by helping him retain the integrity of his marriage. You've already explained how to do that. It's not necessary for you to tell him you love him. Let him be a man and learn to love his wife...the only way he can do this is if other women aren't putting pressure on him to mix up his feelings. You said you don't want to do that, so do the right thing and leave him alone! For the two of you, that is what love is...anything less is taking an unnecessary risk and endangering both his relationship with his wife and your relationship with him...and you don't want to endanger him do you? No of course not, so prove your worth to him as a real friend by keeping the integrity of your boundaries...don't express any feelings to him that are intimate in any way, and if he tries to tell you he loves you again or starts talking along those lines, tell him what I just told you...that's what real love is..helping someone keep their promises and improve the strength of their word...
hope this helps a bit
2007-01-09 11:46:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
YOU DON'T! ! !
WHY? He's already implied hsi love for you could be physical. He wants to form a relationship with you, don't degrade yourself by doing so with a married man. The minute you say you love him, he'll take it as his cue to go further. Then what, you are going to tell him I love you but stay away. NO, y ou'll justify it being okay and soon you are both being inmoral and showing no respect for his wife.
He claims to love you, then you tell him there is nothing, you mean nothing until he's standing before you with a signed divorce, make sure it has a court stamp on it, so he can't fake it. You stay away from him until then. Other wise he'll use you and play you.
DO NOT TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM. HE IS MARRIED AND UNTIL HE'S NOT, DON'T PLAY THIS DANGEROUS AND SELFISH GAME.
He made his choice to marry; he regrets it, he gets out of it before starting or even implying he wants a relationship with you. You may just want to be friends, but you are playing with fire and people always get hurt who play this emotional game.
2007-01-09 11:45:38 · answer #4 · answered by Mountain Bear 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
dont tell hi you love him until you mean it and you see that he truely does mean it
if he loved you before the marriage he wouldnt have married her
i dont now the whole situation but watch "enough" if he says he loves you and only wants one part of you and goes and gets ithe rest from another woman he doesnt really care about you
but if he realized after the marriage that you were the one he really loves dragged out the relationship to see how much he does not pushing he away but see how far he'll go to show you how much he loves you
but dont drag to far if you two are friends dont jepardizes that relationship be careful cause when you try and take one step forward you go two steps back dont say it unless you mean it
again i dont know you but i do know most men and the majority as i see it the outcome is that he wants one part of you and another from another woman if you see him as a friend make him see you that way if you want the relationship to go farther take it to the next level
2007-01-09 11:52:25 · answer #5 · answered by Ebby-Babie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't. I know it's hard, but by telling him you love him, you're endangering his marriage even more, doing his wife a very mean deed, and encourage this emotional affair against their marriage to grow. Remain his friend, but leave it at that. Anything more than that and both of you are committing adultery. Also, avoid being in places where you guys are completely alone together, especially at night. Letting anything physically romantic happen between the two of you, even a small kiss, will make this situation all the more confusing and hard to deal with. Keep loving him as a friend, but instead of saying "I love you", say one of these sweet alternatives:
"I really care about you."
"I really enjoy talking to you."
"I'm so glad that we're such good friends."
"I love it that we can be so close."
"I have so much fun doing things with you."
Hope this helps! Good luck!
2007-01-09 11:50:20 · answer #6 · answered by mandamandapanda 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd say if he's married, then move on. That is, unless he leaves his wife. I'm so tempted to tell you to tell him that you love him, and see if he comes running. But then you'd be breaking up some woman's home and stealing her man. And by the way, if he does not love this other woman, then why did he marry her? If it kills you to keep your love for him inside, and you know for sure that he loves you, then tell him straight out that you do love him, but you cant be with him while he's married. The ball is in his court. Do you think he would leave his wife if you told him the truth? Hmmm. He could be a player.
2007-01-09 12:05:56 · answer #7 · answered by Sam Darren 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would use extreme caution here. How's his wife feel about your friendship? She does know? I hope it's not a secrete. She knows he phones and sees you or is this a secrete too?
Is he truly In love with you or In Lust?
I think before I'd be telling a man that "I Love Him" I'd want him single. He's Married and that is so very wrong to interfere in any way.
When his divorcee is finale than tell him.
2007-01-09 11:46:11 · answer #8 · answered by lucyshines49 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you do both of yourselves a favour and forget about him?
It's obviously going nowhere. You think he's going to get divorced so he can marry you? Yeah right. Then he'll just end up doing the same thing. Don't be stupid. Break the cycle. The guy is being an **** to his wife, and you're waiting on the side helping him do so.
2007-01-09 11:43:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't say anything. To be honest it sounds like he's a little manipulating. Think about it, would you want your husband telling another woman that he loved her? If he says it again just let him know that it's not right and if he gets divorced then maybe you guys can work something out. Other than that, step off sister... or the same will happen to you.
2007-01-09 11:43:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
BACK THE HELL up and leave him alone. He is a married man, both of you should respect his marriage. If he doesn't want to be with her, then he should at least divorce his wife before commencing anything with you.
And you don't tell him you love him. Talk about wrecking someones marriage. There is another person in his marriage and it's not you whose wearing his ring!!!
2007-01-09 11:42:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋