What would you rate this essay? Written By 17yr Old Girl.?

Question

Topic: Why I Would Visit South Africa (pah, I'm a south african myself, so this topic was pretty confusing for me) Anyways:

M y research indicates that the rugged and beautiful land of South Africa welcomes visitors with warmth and sincere hospitality. In fact, the 2006 Reader's Travel Awards scored South Africa's scenery at 97.8%, the highest in the world and their hospitality is second to none! Where else do you get wild animals, a stunning coastline, mountains and incredible diversity (4 ethnic groups, 12 culture groups). South Africa also has more mammals than North and South America combined. Table Mountain alone has more plant species than UK..! Talk about diversity! Wow.

South Africans are a unique breed. You won’t find anyone quite like them. They’re cheerful, generous & spontaneous; they laugh at themselves (and everyone else), are world champions at smiling - because they’re not afraid to practise in public. Overseas, you won’t find people smiling quite as (continued)..

Answer 1

It's a pretty good essay, if you wrote it, you're a great writer. I'd say, if i was grading you, so far the intro and everything else gives you the info you need to make you understand the rest of the essay. I HOPE you didn't steal that off the internet...plagiarism. lol.

Answer 2

My first question would be "What is the purpose of your essay?" It reads a bit like a travel brochure or a toruism website, not like an essay, so you might want to change that sort of tone for an essay.

Is this the introduction? If so, you might want to write an introductory paragraph to precede these, as you seem to jump immediately into the body of the essay.

The content itself is fine, but here are a few general ideas for changes.

South Africa welcomes visitors with warmth and sincere hospitality. The scenery is breathtaking the hospitality is second to none! Where else do you find wild animals, a stunning coastline, mountains and the incredible diversity of four ethnic groups and twelve cultural groups? (You find all of that in Canada, USA, and many other countries. In an essay be careful of such broad statements that cannot be proven.) South Africa has more mammals than North and South America combined and Table Mountain alone has more plant species than the UK!

South Africans are a unique peopel. You won’t find anyone quite like them anywhere else in the world. They’re cheerful, generous and spontaneous. They laugh at themselves, and at everyone else, and are world champions at smiling because they’re not afraid to practise in public. Overseas, you won’t find people smiling quite as (continued).. (It is a rather broad statement to say you won't find people who smile as much anywhere else in the world. I have met people who are "all smiles" all over the world and in different cultures. Again, this thinking and expression makes it sound like a tourism brochure, rather than personal thoughts.)

So far you have talked about the physical beauty and the outward happiness of the people, superficial aspects really. Make a connection to culture - why people would want to see South Africa for the culture and for the human aspects. You need to get a bit deeper.

So far, so good. Still needs some work and you need to put a little more of yourself into the essay. Don't quote statistics - that is not really what is required in this type of essay. Write more from the heart, while keeping the many attractions South Africa has to offer the traveller in mind.

I assume you have continued this in another question?

Best of luck with the essay. Take care.

Answer 3

8

Answer 4

On a scale of 1-10? 7 or 8

Answer 5

It seems alright.. I wouldn't use the word "breed" when comparing to South Africans... Good, Accurate Facts!, Practice is spelled wrong...you spelled it practise, its practice... Also I wouldn't use "are world champions at smiling - because they’re not afraid to practise in public". Keep it simple.

Answer 6

Nope, i do not comprehend the real you. you're giving me words. i don't like words. i'll get that from the web i pick to satisfy the real you, without you telling me that you're from South Africa till the basically accurate sentence. i pick to take heed to about what you comprehend. This appears like you copied it from the web. the position is your coronary heart? the position is your pastime? the position is the YOU attitude in what you write. am i able to work out a village, a city, human beings, nope, nop and nope. Sorry, yet i might want to giver you a d+. So please write it out of your coronary heart. you probably did make a concerted attempt to grant me paragraphs, yet i pick you contained in the paragraph. What become your international like growing to be up there? Did you imagine about American human beings? Did you imagine that you had freedom? Did you visit all of Africa? Why no longer? am i able to personally see your position, your city, your pets, your spouse and youngsters, what you wore for outfits, what the temperature become like - and lower back about YOU, YOU, and YOUR city? Did you imagine that you would possibly want to be knowledgeable all of your life there, and stay there continually? pastime - the position is it. GOD bless us each body, continuously. MBA-Boston Univ

Answer 7

To be PERFECTLY HONEST I would prolly give your essay a 98%...Try and make it longer and add a few BIG words to show your teacher you dont have an attention span of a mouse..lol...well for your age i think it really good!!

Answer 8

sounds like you copied a tourism brochure. 5/10

Answer 9

i would give it a 8.5

its a pretty good essay! great job! and kept up with the good work!!! ♥

Answer 10

Why would yu post some one eles essasy