For about the last two years my boyfriend who I live with has gone out on his day off and partied, gotten drunk, and failed to return my phone calls, not called to tell me what he's up too, and failed to even come home at times, but typically he comes home between 2-6 am. We have fought like cats and dogs over this issue. I understand he needs space and time out away to hang with his friends etc. But once a week? Every week? And so he hangs out and gets drunk and stays out late I can deal with that but why does he ignore my calls and not call me to tell me whats up. He also drives around and home drunk which really gets me fired up. Please, I have tried everything to get him to change including crying, screaming, counseling, and kicking him out. I am such a good girlfriend to him too. I go out with my friends, I call. I am there for him and support him when he needs me. I feel so used and abused. What should I do? This keeps happening and its once a week sometimes twice. HELP!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-09 09:55:29 · 21 answers · asked by cherastitch 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
After trying everything, including crying, screaming, counseling, and kicking him out (how did he get back in?), you feel you have failed him. What about him failing you, himself, and whoever else cares for him. He is wanting the benefits of having you in his life but not the responsibilities. Don't move on to someone else; move out (or put him out) so that you can understand why you put all of the energy into a relationship and they do nothing to keep the partnership healthy and intimate. Live alone long enough to find yourself again, without thinking you are wrong, or need to scream, cry, etc to get what you want. You sound like you are a good person, just not wanting to be alone, or abandoned or rejected. None of these things are so terrible; living in a one-sided relationship is...it will eventually take away all of your self-esteem, your good feelings about yourself and others, and leave you where you are now...alone! You are providing this man a home (motel) to check into when he feels like it. Is this what you want out of life? Only you can decide. It isn't easy, but it is doable! Good luck.
2007-01-09 10:06:22 · answer #1 · answered by dutchlady 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey you have really been through the wringer with this guy. I read the other answers and you are getting good advice although I'm sure it isn't what you want to hear. This guy has no respect for you. Since he is driving drunk regularly he may be an alcoholic. If not- why make such bad decisions? I think you need to get away from him. Definitely don't have kids with him unless he gets help and radically changes. Make the break as calmly and drama-free as possible but- make it. The alternatives aren't pretty. Good luck.
2007-01-09 19:17:40 · answer #2 · answered by peggy j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that this person may not be the right one for you. The reality is if you have tried all the things listed above than I think the decision has already been made for you. If nothing is working including counseling it's time to call it quits. Life is too short to be worried about someone who is supposed to be an adult...it's not your job to take care of him.
You sound like a good person and I hope you can move on and find someone who will treat you fairly.
Good Luck:)
2007-01-09 18:00:59 · answer #3 · answered by Sara M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello =)
Well,....
I, too, find the practice of having to call home and report in when I'm out to be really annoying, and mostly intolerable.
The difference, perhaps, is that I go out to friend's houses only, and do not drink, and only do it 1 or 2 times a year....maybe 3 at most....
There are, however, problems here....with him driving drunk, etc...
Obviously, this is more important to him that your relationship, so, it all boils down to whether or not you are prepared to deal with this permanently or not, because he's not going to change until he gets older, if at all.
If you can deal with it, then stay...if not, then leave....it's as simple as that.....He's not trying to abuse you, by the way....it makes us feel like your children instead of your "men" when we have to "check in" with you, and that is not a happy feeling.....
Namaste,
--Tom
2007-01-09 18:04:15 · answer #4 · answered by glassnegman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to dump the irresponsible, self centered putz!!! Start by calling the cops on him when he drinks and drives. he is a menace to society. Or are you going to wait till he kills some one you could have saved.
Do your self a favor and find your self someone more responsible who respects you (including your time) cares for you and gives you answers when you need them.
I feel for you. If you don't get rid of him things will only get worse for you. I have seen this behavior in some guys I know and that was like 20 years ago. They still want to hung out with friends and keep getting new more stupid women who put up with them.
2007-01-09 18:04:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is time to offer an ultimatum. Either he quits drinking, he is an alcoholic, or that is it for the two of you. The longer this goes on, the more you "enable" him. If he is constantly driving drunk, he needs help. Take it from this recovering alcoholic, things will not improve unless he commits to sobriety. However, every alcoholic has there "bottom." He may not heed your advise or take you seriously if he has not hit his yet. Hope this helps. Best wishes!
2007-01-09 18:03:49 · answer #6 · answered by Randzz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you kicked him out, how come he's still living with you? Get rid of him, and find a man who respects your views. You can't change this person, all you can do it either accept it (he is the way he is, recognize his good qualities, and make peace with the bad) - or leave. To keep fighting it out is not a productive way.
2007-01-09 18:31:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You unfortunately can't change him, he has to be willing to make the change himself. My suggestion. Pray. And...get some counseling. Not him, but you. Prayerfully the time with a professional will give you the knowledge and insight to know what to do in the long run with this situation. Prayers and best wishes =)
2007-01-09 18:00:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are totally right!!! don´t take this anymore. he either has to follow your rules or you should kick him out and do not take him back unless he changes (he has to show he has changed, not just say he is going to). you´re not asking too much - just some consideration. i believe you are a good girlfriend to him, as you said, so you deserve to be treated the same way. if he loves you, he´ll miss you, change his ways and come back. if not, why would you wanna be with him?
2007-01-09 18:01:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the cops and report his drunk driving. That'll teach him about breaking the law.
2007-01-09 18:44:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋