My wife and I had a conversation the other day about sex and immediately afterward had the best sex we've had in months. Hoping lightning would strike twice, I tried to make another move the following week, but she wasn't interested.
I was so disappointed because I'd considered the experience to be a turning point in our sex life, but apparently I was the only one who felt this way. I want to keep trying to initiate sex, but I'm a shy guy (yes, even with my wife) and this sort of thing doesn't come naturally to me.
We both have high-stress jobs, but we have no kids. We're 24 and 22 respectively, and that seems too early to be having so little sex. I'm talking maybe once a week if we're lucky. Sometimes it seems like weeks have gone by with no sex at all.
We've done some wild, fun stuff in the past but more often than not we do the obligatory missionary in-and-out. Boring. Is more too much to ask for? If not, then how do we make it happen?
2007-01-09 09:12:34 · 10 answers · asked by Jeff 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm hearing that we need to try sex in unusual locations. We've already had sex in a tent, on the back porch, in every room in the house and we've even talked about car sex.
Like I said, we've done some interesting stuff in the past, but I'd like there to be some interesting stuff in the future!
2007-01-09 09:19:23 · update #1
I'm also reading that maybe we should try toys and other fun things. We've done this. We actually went to a sex shop together about half a year ago and got some fun stuff that worked for us.
But like I said before, that was in the past. It's not happening for us anymore.
Also, the communication thing is important. We do share everything. Unfortunately, the subject rarely turns to sex and when it does, the subject is promptly changed.
I brought up sex the other day and in the same sentence, my wife started talking about how her lips were chapped! WTF? Does she know how frustrating that is?!
2007-01-09 09:22:52 · update #2
People are saying we should try it in the couch or on the kitchen. I'll see your couch and kitchen and raise you the shower.
I also give her backrubs and footrubs and bring her scented oils and wine while she's soaking in the tub.
I feel like I've friggin tried everything here.
2007-01-09 09:24:48 · update #3
Games, porn, toys. Tried it all.
Also, about the jobs. We're living paycheck to paycheck. Not everyone can afford to just stop working.
2007-01-09 09:35:27 · update #4
I buy my wife flavored things to rub on her. Make sure your are getting her off first. Been married 20 years.
2007-01-09 09:18:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for six years so I guess I have some experience.
There are periods with strong sex and periods without any desire or interest at all....I believe it is more or less normal.
The true thing you have to do is talk with her and tell her how you feel, there is no other way to it. Maybe she doesn't feel sexy...so it's your job to make her feel this way. Buy her nice lingerie at Victoria Secrets. Buy some massage oil and offer a massage. Organize a steamy bath together with soothing salts, candles and a glass of wine... Sometimes one of you has to take the lead and initiate the sex or else you will continue not getting any and feel frustrated. Anyways be sure that this does not mean there is lack of love!!! Work on this issue together!!
2007-01-09 09:22:14 · answer #2 · answered by curious 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At least one of you needs to loose the high stress job. Stress is the number 1 sex killer, in my observation. If you're both always too tired and too stressed, then there's nothing you can do. If at least one of you isn't, that can help more than anything else.
Next, set a schedule. Find something you can both agree is fair to both of you. If you're looking for it at least once a week and she's happy with once a month, then once every two weeks isn't a comprimise, because you both get cheated. Usually I find that the woman is more about what kinds of times are apropriate (like Tuesdays are bad because I always have meetings on Tuesdays) and guys are about how often (like every week live or die.) Every Saturday, but only on Saturday can be a great comprimise. It can also be tied to something that you need to do: you get it every Saturday if you do the dishes, etc. Try to find something that makes everyone happy instead of something that makes everyone miserable.
2007-01-09 09:27:28 · answer #3 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Initiate it, my man...I only wish my husband had the vigor you do, he is 34 and boring. The only time we get out right "fun" is if he drinks. Try when he is sober and he acts like he is an old maid. I like to try new and different things so my advise to you is catch her off guard somewhere different, like the ocuch or the kitchen. How about a little massage and some cutesy whispers. Maybe your wife is the old maid, talk to her about this because these are the reasons men and women stray. I hope you can find something to light her fire...You need to experiment around and quit being so shy...
2007-01-09 09:20:36 · answer #4 · answered by LaRae 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You hit the nail on the head when you said your both in high stress jobs.
Stress can be a BIG TIME killer of sex drives.
What I suggest, is that you take a week off and take a romantic trip, to get away from the stress of your jobs.
Use it as a time to reconnect and unwind. It will help you recharge.
Happened to me a few years ago, stress from work was really affecting me in the bedroom, I suggest the trip away, it couldn't hurt.
2007-01-09 09:51:46 · answer #5 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
here are some suggestions:
1) role play (dress up or have her dress up)
2) sex toys
3) sex games
4) each share a fantasy and promise that you will go through with it
5) erotic massages
6) sex in public places (a big turn on for me)
7) watching porno
8) videotape you two having sex (LOVE IT)
My husband and I have sex daily (sometimes multiple times). I love having sex and am not afraid to please him and myself ;) Just be open to new things - you can't say you don't like it unless you try it once - perhaps even twice!!!
Good luck :)
2007-01-09 12:47:55 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cant afford a trip...how about going out to a club for drinks and then maybe getting a nice hotel room for the night. I always do that when a relationship gets boring in and out of the bedroom. If nothing else...you get a nice night out of the house.
Good luck!
2007-01-09 10:01:02 · answer #7 · answered by arniemail 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Games, games, games...porn, porn, porn...toys, toys, toys.... Talking dirty during sex has never been my forte but my husband does it and it works. Sex games are good and you can put someing in the dvd player to give you some background. Good luck!
2007-01-09 09:26:44 · answer #8 · answered by Steff 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have sex in different places and maybe even a semi public place. Just don't get arrested. My husband and I had a liaison on a yacht. (Very nice)
2007-01-09 09:17:07 · answer #9 · answered by jenlovely01 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's your answer!!! You had conversation, women love to talk! Talk to her and give her attention and you will get what you want and she will get what she probably want :)
2007-01-09 09:19:05 · answer #10 · answered by Cookie48 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋