Please help hubby thinks i am overeacting ???

Question

My husband and have been married a little bit over 4 yrs now.I am 24 ,my husband is 28 years old, and we have a lovley 4 year old daughter together.My problem with my husband is our lack of communication he never listens to what i have to say or what my opion on anything is.I am almost never involved in any decision making he does. He went out and bought a sports car mustang without even consulting me!He is a Beta tester who gets paid to play video games and on the side sells things online .Recently he has become verbally abusive calling me an idiot who went to college and works for a public relations firm saying a monkey could do the same.More importantly his porn habit has crossed the line he makes no effort to conceal it from our daughter who was in the room playing!I found out because she asked me what her daddy was doing?

He does not seem to care about anything so long as he can work online all day, watch his porn, eat and sleep.Nothing else seems to matter to him outside this world.We had sex a total of 6 times last year and nothing i did to get his attention works?

I work to help contribute to the house hold just as much as he does i have a part time 9-3:30 job and i do 95 % of the house work.

Answer 1

You need to line him up NOW. It's starting to get bad - nip it in the bud! As for watching porn while your child is present - he needs a smack upside the head. Protect your child from him and his verbal abuse. It will only escalate if you let it get past this point. Give him an ultimatum. Sometimes guys don't realize what they're risking when they make these choices. Inform him

Answer 2

Oh, oooops. The computer porn thing is a real red light. You have several problems here... The first is lack of communication, and the second is his addiction, the third is that he doesn't feel you or the marriage is really a relationship. Here's the explanation:

Marriage is admiration, respect, passion and trust,(four biggies) with lots of lovies, consideration, solving problems without rage, and learning to negotiate differences without resentment and trouncing on someone's ego. In a loving relationship, people are not verbally abusive to each other any more than they are physically abusive.....A solid relationship is making your marriage, and your spouse your number one priority..... this is not to say that you don't enjoy separate hobbies, times away, your friends, etc., but a marriage the root of one's contentment. How are you and he doing on this point???? I'm guessing you are his occasional 'boinking buddy'. doubt that these 4 are much part of your marriage.... which sorta means you really don't have one...you just live together, and not comfortably, either, from this note.

Secondly, he has an addiction to computer porn. And the problem with that is that addicts are already in a relationship, it just isn't with you!!!!! Computer porn addiction is no different than an alcoholic, gambling, sex, or any other addiction. These people just aren't available for a marriage or anything else, as you are finding out. Any counselor worth his/her salt will tell you that computer porn addiction is really not curable, and hardly treatable. If a guy watches a porn movie on occasion, it really is no big deal. But if he is there hours per day, hon, he has an addiction, and you are wasting your time.... He'd prefer "fantasy land" any time to the real thing.... (been there!!!) There's kind of a bottom line to this kind of thing:: "if it is something you can't talk about to anyone, it probably isn't anything to be proud of"....watching computer porn hours on end is nothing anyone would be proud of!!!!!

Thirdly, your opinion, from what you have written, doesn't really matter much to him.... you say he puts you down, and goes about doing whatever he wishes.... oh, good, huh? How a committed couple spends money is indeed your business.

I don't think you are over-reacting at all.... he's selfish, self-centered, (he sure as hell doesn't exhibit decorum in front of his daughter.--- can see it now as she tells her school friends what daddy watches!!!!) and he is an addict. You don't stand a chance of having a loving, supportive relationship with this guy.

I'd recommend counseling, but I already know he can't give up the porn. As far as having respect admiration for you, your note says otherwise. This guy is due for a major mental adjustment before he'll be a fit husband and father.... too bad he never grew up.

Answer 3

Wow.. that's a lot to deal with.

First of all... did you happen to notice any of his behavior/character flaws prior to marriage? If the answer is yes, what made you think they were going to change. If the answer is no, then you will need to seek counseling immediately. Even if he's not interested in going you should go by yourself.

Second. Your daughter should not be exposed to violence and immorality because it will definitely effect her emotionally and psychologically in later years... if not immediately.

I wonder if your husband would think that it's ok for his daughter to grow up and be a porn star and have her violated and abused. He might want to think about that for a second because he's watching somebodys daughter, mother or sister right now and in later years... who knows maybe his daughter (heaven forbid) will think that's ok behavior.

Thrid... that verbal abuse is unacceptable but he will continue as long as you allow it. Remember... a person only gets kicked in the butt if a person bends over and allows it to happen.

If he's only had sex with you 6 times the entire year... there's something foul going on. It's quite possible he has a very low labido (yeah right!) or he's gratifying his desires (alone) while watching pornographic material, or he's unfaithful. In your heart of hearts you already know the answer to that. Your an educated woman... So then...

Check that mess with a quickness. Walk softly and carry a big stick. Never yell or scream at him. Go "psycho silent" on him and give him the dead pan eye look, talk slowly and firmly in order to say what you need to about his behavior and what he MUST change IMMEDIATELY no questions asked. Then let him know the plan of action your going to take if the immoral and abusive behavior continues. Or you can decide not to let him know the course of action you'll take if his behavior doesn't change immediately. Just make sure you have a course of action that you will follow through on. Don't look back or go back unless he seeks therapy or else he'll know you're weak and can be manipulated.... Trust on that!

Finally you will need to be prepared and very be strong mentally and follow through on what you decide to do. He CLEARLY needs therapy and he sounds very insecure and jealous of your educational background. How sad is that.

Please get it together quickly not just for yourself but for your daughters own physical and emotional well being.

Answer 4

Hi...I am guessing it wasn't like that in the first years of your marriage. The internet can have a very very bad effect on some people and they get sucked into something like porn and it becomes an obsession. If you love him you need to get him set straight now. Tell him you are tired of his behavior and you think he needs help and if he isn't willing to work with you to improve your lives then your going to be forced to leave. If he still doesn't want to listen, pack up some stuff, take your daughter and get out of there for a few days. See if the reality of you leaving brings him back to the reality of the world the rest of us are living in. There is a good chance he will come around but with any type of relationship struggle you have to be prepared for the worst and that would be having to move on with your life and find someone who will respect you and your child. Hope this helps

Answer 5

Marriage is a partnership, not a twoway street. I hope he put the car in his name since he did it alone. He's 28 acting 14. If you make enough to support the 2 of you for a short time, and family will help mabe it's time to wake this little BOY up. I'm sure u love him but he cannot disregard you in this way. Make him understand 1 way or noway its tuf but marrige ain't easy it takes two and alot of work but it can be so worth it. no ones advice is exactly rightl for you. but you sound smart just do what you feel is right. I'll tell you this HE IS WRONG.

Answer 6

I can't ever imaged me like him. I am married for 9 years with my wife and i have 2 kids and I don't understand why he won't ever list what you have to say. Me I always talk to my wife and she always have something to say and I listen to her all the time and we take turn to take care of kids like she take kids bath and I go clean kitchen and we work out great.

I think you should have him listen to you and tell him now my daughter asking me wnat to know what daddy doing??? and you got a car not talk to me first ???? and if you don't want to listen to me then I will pack up and leave and you deal with this yoruself and I am not going to though this period if you want me back you will find real job and work and no video games or anything you will help me int he house most the time and stuff like that if not then it done.

You should never tell your daughter bad things about daddy just postive and when she growing up she will find out how bad daddy is and she will come to you and ask you why didn't you tell me?? you can tell her because i rather to think positive and have you see for yourself. you don't need neg., to know what going on you need postive and she will say wow, i am glad i have a wonderful mother. smiling.

Answer 7

You need to sit him down and talk to him. There is no reason why he should be watching porn infront of your 4 year old, buying a car without you knowing or even being an a** to you.

Answer 8

this is so unfair to you and that is even sicker is that he does that in front of your daughter have you told him about how you feel if he dont understand maybe you should go to a conseler and they could explian it to him in terms he can understand my husband was acting some what like that but he was on drugs now he is in rehab and sound to be doing better maybe hes on drugs he also sounds very self like with the porn thing thats is a very selfish act well i wish you the best good luck

Answer 9

You're obviously an intelligent woman, a college grad, so no matter what we say, you're going to do what you think is best. In my opinion, your daughter does NOT need to be exposed to that trash he watches. He is demeaning to you, her, and himself. It is a very unhealthy environment you're raising her in, and you're living in. No sex life comes from him watching porn all day most likely. You need to pack up your daughter, and move away from him....immediately! Good Luck!! Call your lawyer.

Answer 10

Your 24 years old you don,t need us to tell you what you should do you know what you got to do grow up and be a woman and protect your daughter from this person