He says he just wants to ignore her, but he reads the e-mails. They are mostly cartoons and stupide stuff. She lives in his apt bldg (we live somewhere else now) and he had lied and said he didn't know she lived there when he first moved there. I just found out from a family member that SHE was the one who helped him get apt. She obviously gave a reference. I'm sitting him down tonite and getting this sh*t straight. Am I wrong to be upset? When I have questioned him about her before, he tries to act like I'm trying to start trouble. He says she is not a very good person and he has no interest in her. I say her e-mails and his lying bother me. Am I being unreasonable to ask him tonite to respond to one of her e-mails and tell her to back off. I believe in being faithful in a marriage. If you don't have trust and respect, you don't have much of a relationship. ???
2007-01-09 09:04:44 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, you aren't wrong in wanting him to put the past behind him and move on with the future with you. I found a naked pic of my ex-hubbys ex-girl once in his drawer. It didn't go over well. Not at all. If he wants to be with you, and she won't stay out of his life now that it is over between them, he needs to tell her to back off. If he wants to be her friend, he needs to say so. But lying about it all, and doing whatever he wants anyway is selfish. Definitely confront him and get this all out in the open. It needs to be resolved so you can have a good relationship with this guy.
2007-01-09 09:09:27 · answer #1 · answered by nottashygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not wrong at all! Marriage is a whole new step that needs to be respected and put on a higher level. He needs to tell her to back the hell off and leave it at that. As for the lying about her and the reference- he probably did because he knew you would be opposed to it if you knew she lived there. Do you two love your apt? Is it close to work? Affordable rent? The that's why you live there. Also, is it so bad ex's to be friends? She doesn't send things that could pass for flirting, does she? If he's a good man, can you really blame her for wanting his friendship?
2007-01-09 09:14:37 · answer #2 · answered by shondak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all calm down. You have to address this calmly and rationally. He may not be telling you the whole truth, because you might have a tendency to over react and make his life a living hell.
Now. Her e-mails bother you and you wish he would not have any further contact with her. and I don't blame you, they have no children so there is no reason for them to still be in contact especially if he says she is "not a very good person".
what you need to do here is tell him that this is hurting your feelings and you rather the communication between them will stop. Tell him you love him and will never do this to him, you feel that this is inappropriate and is coming between you two. See what he says to that. remember, be calm and not accusatory.
Now, take it a step future. YOU write her an e-mail yourself telling her to keep her cartoon jokes to herself, get a life and stay out of yours. Make sure she understands that you and him are MARRIED, and you are fully aware of the fact she sends e-mails.
Be firm, but not insulting, the rest is up to your husband. He should be sensitive to the fact this is inappropriate and bothers you. Good Luck.
2007-01-09 09:18:36 · answer #3 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in case you've in consumer-friendly words been married 4 mos and already are having this a lot doubt and non believe, this ain't significant. I had a difficulty like this even as me and my hubby first were given married. i become continuously somewhat jealous of his "suitable chum". nicely it blew up one time after I went out of city and after I come lower back locate out he had talked to her for hours on the phone even as i become lengthy gone. i become very offended to assert the least. I made it very sparkling the way it made me experience and that i by no ability wanted him to confer consisting of her lower back, i did not care how "close" they were. ( i wrote him a letter, that makes it more effective useful each so often) That does sound selfish yet even although the hubby received't have undesirable intentions the female prob does and needs to appreciate he's married so go away him on my own. we now were married 7 years and he has never had any contact consisting of her lower back. Now that i look lower back on it i do experience stupid and doesn't care now if he talked to her, yet i become newly married as you're and emotions are nonetheless kinda insecure so a techniques as marriage is going because it really is so new. If he lied to you about it you want to be sure why. do not let this tear your marriage aside it really is in consumer-friendly words a minor ingredient of what you'd be dealing with jointly in life. perchance you may both try some marital counseling that can help you you commence more effective useful. supply up questioning Divorce or you'll finally get one.
2016-12-28 13:24:24 · answer #4 · answered by bigelow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there !!!
I would sit him down, no fights or screaming , and let him know that his receiving her emails is not acceptable.
HOw would he like it if you were receiving emails from an ex husband, put the same situation in reverse to him and ask him honestly how would he feel ?
I would ask him to either change his email or block her email address from his email, and before blocking it, I would ask him to email her ( in front of you) and tell her to stop sending emails and correspondence once and for all.
You should though keep your cool at all times, it is not worth getting upset over. Be lovable to your hubby, but clear and firm.
Best of luck
Love light and peace
2007-01-09 09:19:23 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be upset. He should not be lying to you in the first
place and why is he still in contact with his ex do they have kids
together? I would defintely put a stop to this. Let he know how
you feel. Tell him if he would like it if it were the other way around.
She seems to still care about him.
2007-01-09 09:18:49 · answer #6 · answered by klaudia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would tell him to change his email adresse but 1st tell him to email her from his adresse now explaining hes happy as he is and he doesnt need her interfering if he did she wouldnt be an ex would she !! then he should get a new email adresse and only give it to who needs it i would be really upset and you definately are not being unreasonable and if he ends up being in contact with her after changing his adresse or he wont change his adresse i would want to know why ! i might even threaten to leave him but that is up to you and how you feel but atleast give him the chance to do the right thing good luck :)
2007-01-09 09:15:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think *you* should be the one to contact her and tell her to back off. My wife had an ex that kept flirting with her and asking her out on dates, but whatever she said he just kept comming back. Finally I approached him, and I was nice the first time, then I got nasty the second. He backed way off, and doesn't even make eye contact with her any more without clearing it with me first.
2007-01-09 09:13:02 · answer #8 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being unreasonable. Tell him in a nice, respectful manner that all of this with the ex makes you very uncomfortable. Ask him to please have no more contact with her.
2007-01-09 09:09:04 · answer #9 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He lied girlfriend!
Lies are meant to cover up something he does not want you to know.
Scandalous stuff like that is almost worse than a sexual fling.
2007-01-09 09:11:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋