I have been married for almost 5 years. I found some bank records and discovered that my husband not only buys over $100/month of porn, but he also goes to this strip club. He told me the women wear bikini's yet I found out it's a topless bar! He used his debit card there 2 times,(in 1 day) first for $85 than for $145.(forgot to mention, this was the day after our wedding anniversary) He says he didn't spend the cash there. He swears he'll stop, but I think he may like it a little too much. We almost lost our home due to his not paying the mortgage. I just don't get it. What should I believe? He swears the girls had tops on even though its a topless strip club!
2007-01-09 08:45:02 · 12 answers · asked by molly mcbutter 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The problem here is no advice is good advice. trust yur self!!
I'm 47 married fro the 2nd time and happy i tell her I'm goin but I know the $s I can spend. The price for drinks is high & 20 bucks for a 1 song private no touch dance & 200 bucks can go fast. your man has no control. Remember its not about you its his make him fix it. entertainment never and I mean never comes before responsibilites, and thats YOU the mortgage the bills!!!!
2007-01-09 09:09:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is lieing because he knows he is doing something behind your back. He doesn't want to hear the "nagging", so he lies. Most men do enjoy porn, that isn't so unusual, and some at times go to the strip club (although I don't feel a married man belongs there). Now that everything is out in the open, I would have him take you to the club that he says is a bikini bar. By the amounts he is spending there, he is doing more than having a couple of drinks and watching the show. If you come off a little more cool about it, he will be more willing to open up about it and cool off on the lies.
2007-01-09 08:52:55 · answer #2 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see the strip club as the problem...he's coming home to you, right? The money is the reall issue here. Give him an allowance. Work out a budget and tell him how much you need from his pay each week. Deposit that money into an account that only you can access and pay the bills out of that. Out of his pay that is left over from what you need, remember to plan for emergencies, is his allowance to spend how he deems fit. This will stress you out less and you will be taking charge of the situation.
As for the porn and clubs. Is he hurting anyone? If it concerns you talk to him about it. Maybe you should go to the club to check it out. Tell him what bothers you and if he loves you and cares what you think he'll either curb it or hide it better.
By the way, my husband goes to clubs only when there's a party of guys going, about twice a year and look at pron sometimes, I just give him a little more to look forward to at home to keep hime off of those sites.
2007-01-09 09:22:54 · answer #3 · answered by Steff 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only time a married man needs to go to a strip club is when his wife is being a nazi about sex. This is a full blown addiction that your husband would not have, if you sat down and talked about it. (talk not critisize). If you want your husband to stop spending money at these places, then you need to ask him what you could do to help him end his addiction. If you are willing to dress sexy and have sex with him more often, perhaps that will satisfy him. If youve already tried all that and your husband continues to frequent strip joints, then its time for a divorce.
2007-01-09 09:34:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I dont know but if hes spending that much money then it is a real problem that you need to deal with....tell him its either you or the strippers...I mean I think its ok for a guy to go there once in a while but maybe what you should do is..start stripping for him your self..then at least he'll still have money for bills
Good Luck
2007-01-09 08:51:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would question why a married man would feel the need to go to a strip joint. why don't u handle the finances from now on and give him an allowance, but not access to the account. go with your gut feeling on this, and not by what he says, facts tell the whole story anyway. u just can't count on him to be responsible for the finances.
2007-01-09 10:54:43 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People lie because they know what they were doing is WRONG! I like what was said in the movie "Gone With The Wind"..Rhett Butler said to Scarlett ..the theif wasn't sorry for stealing, only sorry that he got caught stealing.
Sounds like your husband is the same. He's swearing to stop after he got caught, not when he lied about doing it.
2007-01-09 08:57:18 · answer #7 · answered by sassywv 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Believe your gut and your bank account.. he's just trying to throw you off the scent, but he knows he's busted. Get your own money and account. Men LIE and they will believe their own lie until you do too.. so don't let him out of this. I'd give him an allowance with the quickness, and if he needs more than that it will just be too bad.
2007-01-09 08:50:35 · answer #8 · answered by supernaturaldj2000 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You said that he almost couldn't pay the mortgage. I suggest a divorce...If it's realistic enough..
2007-01-09 08:52:28 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
open up your own account NOW. You know he's lying, otherwise you would not be questionig it. Hopefully, the house is in his name.
2007-01-09 08:57:10 · answer #10 · answered by Jay Jay 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋