I am in love with someone I feel is my true love, but?

Question

I am married (not happily) to a woman I married without really truely loving her. At that point in my life I was "settling" for someone rather than being alone. I understand that I am legally commited and am in a major conundrum with this. When I try to disect what it is I feel for this new love I come to these conclussions:

- When I ask "what" I love about her, I can simply say "her" - it isn't a laundry list of things, it's her.

- When I step back and realize that every time I see her, the same feeling of beauty and peace washes over me as that very 1st time.

- I truly picture a future with all of the ups & downs of life but that at the end of the day we lay down to sleep in the presence of each other.

Infatuated - yes. In love, yes.

When we married, I carried a torch for my first love and told my fiance that the only reason I'd consider leaving is if my first love showed up at the door. I carried that torch for 12 years of marriage. This woman has won that torch.

Seeking validation? - In some ways - yes.

Children involved - yes - 2 girls 8 & 11. I have stayed on for a year and a half because of them. They are beautiful spirits & I know the absolute pain they'll feel. I also know the absolute pain I feel everyday in this relationship.

We built a house 8 yaers ago & my MIL moved in to i-l quarters but doesn't respect boundries (7 years of this now). In councilling, my wife felt on a fence between me & her mom. My stand was "we" should have been the pairing. Other suggestions were g-ma go & rotate through with otther offspring. No one step up to bat, & things continue in their sameness.

Anything that I could muster is dead inside. I see that I am usually on the loosing end of 2-1 & this has also affected my standing in the eyes of my children.

G-ma wastes no time in downing me to my girls as she finds fault with them & ascribes these faults to having a father the likes of me. (All this building prior to the "new love").

Answer 1

i was going to tell you off. i cant. good luck.

Answer 2

I think you answered your own question...it's the but!

What I don't understand is why you became infatuated, in love, with another while still married, unhappy or not. We all go through stages in our life where we are happy with one thing or another and next thing we know it may not be "exactly" what we truly wanted. People are not objects to be discarded and replaced with a new one when someone else comes along. You really should have thought about the "really truly" loving your wife in the beginning. How do you know, or I know or any one know for that matter, that in 12 years this new woman will not feel the same about you and your the one standing all alone because your second best (or never truly loved)? I think after 12 years you need to talk to your wife, be honest with her, hear her out, let her voice her side of the 12 years. You may just find that your about to cast out your true love after all.

Answer 3

genuine love in my opinion is, before everything not a noun, this is a verb... while one relatively loves yet another and, this is the lasting type that knows no end; each so often one will know it quickly as quickly as they meet; yet lots of the time 2 human beings will meet, discover that they have many things in basic, and that they're going to make a determination to stay at the same time...Now this is the place the "verb" is presented in...and the artwork starts.. each so often this is annoying artwork and each so often this is not.. One has to elect it , settle for it, and at situations relatively artwork annoying to maintain it...maximum couples that have some years invested, assist you to appreciate that genuine love is artwork, sacrifice, and each thing that's mentioned throughout their vows the justifications why many marriages fail, is by technique of laziness, exhaustion, and in the event that they run right into a snag instead of working it out, they're going to turn to somebody distinctive...and it will each so often snowball downhill from there. So, i hit upon that when the marriage, and honeymoon are over, and actuality starts human beings stumble with the aid of, people who're waiting to do the artwork (and it will take the two), will make it and people who have not have been given a clue... Marriage isn't for the faint of heart...in no way... that's why all and sundry would desire to bypass with the aid of learning what marriage relatively means formerly they attempt ...and then they'd desire to come to a determination at the same time whether or not they certainly need to look previous the nice and comfortable lust and do what's mandatory to make a marriage succeed...stable success and save working at it my pals... Hugs, Iris

Answer 4

You haven't really asked a question. Are you looking for validation for your feelings?

Love is a decision. Based on all the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual input, we decide to fully open ourselves up to another human being. When we merge our hearts and minds with another, hopefully it is for the mutual benefit of each party. We hear from people who are in love::

"She makes me want to be a better person. I think I am a better person because of that person."

With that kind of relationship framework, we grow and expand the relationship to include more personal, family and community experiences.

Everything you describe about your new love sounds pure and sweet, but can it sustain the monotony of daily living, human tragedy and all the shocks of reality? True love can. Infatuation and physical attraction can't.

You have said some blunt things about your current relationship. Could you ever find a basis of love in your current marriage? Are children involved?

Analyze the pros and cons of both relationships. The sooner you decide what you are going to do, the better for your wife. She needs to know where she stands.

If your marriage is truly on the rocks than it is merely a business decision to divorce.

To thine own self be true.

Good Luck,

C-F

Answer 5

I have given this answer before and thought it would be appropriate here.

Ask yourself this--Are you and your wife the same two people today as you were when you fell in love and got married so many years ago? Chances are the two of you are not the same people and have either grown apart or grown together. If you are falling in love with another person then they may be more like you than your current wife is. You and your wife really need to sit down and discuss this and try to resolve these issues before you waste too much of her time or yours. Life is too short to be miserable or force other to be miserable!

Good luck to you

Answer 6

You made a committment to her now the only thing you can do is be honest with her. The best thing you can do is tell her. Don't stay with her because it is the right thing to do. Be with her because you love her, but let me tell you this things may look better on the other side, but 12 years from now you could be in the same place you are now. A new relationship is always fun and exciting, but it wears off. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 7

Can you spell "middle life crises'?

Just a word of advice....

Get a Corvette instead. After 12 years of marriage your behavior is quite normal, but that doesn't mean that the grass is greener in the other side and that you should leave your wife because you are feeling fireworks for someone else.

The fireworks are pretty and exciting, but they won't last.

You seem to be an intelligent man, be careful to be thinking with something else other than your brain.

Best of luck to you

Answer 8

The grass is never greener on the other side.

Keep your dick in your pants and work on the marriage you do have.

It ain't worth it.. Confusing feelings of beauty and peace is wishful thinking and fantasy and not reality.

Answer 9

I think at some point we all "settle" for some sort of relationship whether it be just bf/gf or marriage. Bottom line is - if you're not in love with who you are married to - its not fair to either one of you.

Find happiness!!

Answer 10

your gonna have a intersting time at the gates of heaven, like my grandma says you can only get one in heaven, and i beleive it. Dont take a vow before god if you dont mean it. Your shiny new penny will wear off and you'll realize whats important. hopefully you dont make a mistake, and hurt your wife...

Answer 11

if you dont want to be with her just tell her would wether be alone and that your tried and you dont like doing alll that so also tell her that you understand you know all the comments and evrything else. good luck