How can my husband and I not fight so bad?

Question

My husband and I don't fight often but we fight very bad when we do. Nothing ever gets resloved when we fight and we always end up hurting each others feelings really bad. Any suggestions on what to do? I am pregnant and since then we have been fighting more, we are in the middle of a huge fight right now and I dont want to fight anymore but I dont want to appologize for something I didnt do, and I want the problem to be resolved! Please Help

Answer 1

My husband and I are nasty fighters. We don't fight often, but it's ugly and brutal when we do. We're getting better, though. It's taken a little while to implement some of these strategies, but they've helped make our fights more constructive and less hurtful.

1. Don't sling mud. Resist the tempatation to put your partner down with insults and sarcasm.
2. When either of you start slinging mud, or if you both are just saying the same thing over and over again, STOP arguing. Walk away. Let him walk away. Both of you need to cool off. Believe me, round 2 will be MUCH more constructive than round 1 was. Each round (sometimes you need more than 2) will cool you both off enough to resolve things.
3. Be willing to accept blame and resist getting defensive. Don't say things like "I only did this because you did that." That turns into an endless cycle of nothing ever being anybody's fault, and nothing gets resolved.
4. Compromise is your friend. You have to give a little to take a little. But sometimes, compromise is a really stupid idea and cannot happen. Things can't always be win-win.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

Quite often people fight a lot over insignificant disagreements because they are stressed out and feel upset about something that has nothing to with the disagreement.

Being pregnant is a big and stressful change for both you and your husband. And this is probably the main reason why the two of you are fighting more now.

The only remedy I know for this kind of a relationship problem is paying attention to your own feelings and emotions, being aware when you are in a bad mood, and being especially careful how you respond to other people when you know that you are in a bad mood.

When people are in a bad mood, then they often respond disproportionately to minor anoyances. And this often triggers a fight because the other person feels that he or she is being treated unfairly.

Being aware that you are in a bad mood prevents this kind of disproportionate reaction because you know that the minor anoyance is not the main reason why you are feeling upset.

If both you and your husband try to be more self-aware, then the two of you probably will find easier to get along with each other.

Answer 3

I have been married 3 times (currently married to the third man. My first husband was verbally and mentally abusive and seemed to love to argue. Now that I am married to a wonderful christian man who was a womanizer in his day but has since found himself in church and a brand new man. He is very spoiled and was spoiled by all his women and his mother so we argue sometimes and what I do is ask him to pray (if you are a christian) with me about this and have some quiet time after to listen for Gods answer.
If not then maybe you could try counseling. Good luck no matter what. He also needs to know that all of this arguing is unnecessary stress on your unborn child. God Bless and I will be praying for you.

Answer 4

Realize that your hormones are going insane... by this i dont mean he didnt do something to really upset you but make sure when you bring a problem to his attention you TONE IT DOWN, no yelling!! try to talk to him because he just might listen.. if he starts getting loud tell him "you might not agree with what i'm bringing up but I want to try and solve the problem" anger can be very explosive and sometimes if us girls do not control ourselves we can disrespect our husbands and say hurtful disrepctful things that will ONLY make things worse... so as stupid or ignorant or selfish you might think he is, try to restrain yourself from telling so, all he will do is get offended then offend you and the both of you will close each other off and NOTHING will ever get solved.

Answer 5

Well, when your fighting, you will never resolve anything, because when your yelling neither one of you is listening.

Start going to marriage counceling, they can teach you conflict resolution that is alot better and more productive than yelling, where you can sit down calmly and rationally talk about it.

Also sometimes you need to just swallow your pride and say your sorry.

That sounds to be the big problem is both of you are stubborn and proud people, and you NEED to put your pride aside and realize that you will NOT always be right. Otherwise you will not stay married very long.

Answer 6

Wooo. He wants you to apologize for something you did not do? He doesn't trust you? There are probably so deeply rooted insecurities that are hidden and masked. Marriage counseling helps. For other fights controlling your voice and the words you say helps. Don't get smart or mouthy or throw things back in his face. When he does that to you then don't say anything else. I know it hurts not to say something but later on when things calm down tell him that he hurt you when he said...My husband is good at saying mean things--appearantly I am too, but It helps when I don't argue back. Later we talk about it in a civilized manner.

Answer 7

You know sometimes we have to be the bigger person and just let the other one pretend like he won. Don't argue with him, just agree and go along with it. Like the saying goes. If you can't beat them join them.
It took me almost two years to realize this, my husband and I fought all the time and he would move out and come back home, but now that I have l let things go and make him believe like he is right all the time, even though I know deep down inside he is wrong, eventually he will come around and maybe even calm down after he realizes he is not getting to you. You take care of yourself, you are going to have a baby. Let him be and he will come around... Good Luck

Answer 8

Both of you seem to lack respect for each other. Calling names is a total lack of respect, and you sound stubborn also, learn to fight fair. Go out and purchase the book Marriage for Dummies. Seriously it is a good book and will give you help and insite.

Answer 9

First, being pregnant is hard work. You'll find yourself very stressed. Don't forget it's sometimes hard for him too. Communicate! and try to stay positive, tell him he should too. Despise negativity! And when you're down look forward to the joy you're about to bring to both of your lives... did I mention Communicate!

Answer 10

I'm not sure if you're able, but maybe you could get some couples counseling....they could teach you how to fight effectively. Hurting each other's feelings is NEVER appropriate.