I dont srew around, I don't go out patying, I always work, and when I am not at work a work in and around the house, which is her house.
I have don thousands of dollars in propery improvement. Our sex life is non existing, due to me not having a sex drive. had testicular cancer 6 years ago. Been married for 10 years. I love my wive and I do anything for her. Lost our son in a cycle crash 1 year ago, her son, my step son. I want to make this work and fine some romance again. I have no family here in the US. She is from a wealty family, multi millionair father that takes care of his children financially all the time no matter what. I grew up in Switzerland in a home without parents until I was 16. Never had a family life. before that. I work many hours in the hospitality industry, including weekends, night and holidays. I would rather spent this times with my wife instead of working. I have been trying to save this marriage for months, but she tells me that I am not affectionate enough.
2007-01-09 08:04:25 · 9 answers · asked by Rolfe99 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hello,
Of course you can save your marriage but it takes a lot of work and understanding on both sides.
I'm sorry to hear about your son and for your cancer but you have to understand that your wife is suffering also for the same reason. About the sex part of your life, you have to understand that if you can't have sex, your wife is suffering for that as well. Try to put your self in her position, what would you do? Sex is more important for some people than others. Maybe your wife is in that rage of people. But there is a solution for that problem. I'm sure you know that there are many ways to sexually please each other without having penetration. Talk to your wife, be open to comments and be open to accept the way she feels. Be open and work with her.
She is telling you straight that you aren't giving her affection but you are not listening. My intention is not to be rude so don't take it that way. It is so simple; make the time to have a picnic in the middle of your living room. Something simple, some Cheese, fruits, wine or champagne etc. Surprise her, buy her flower often, wash the dishes for her and help her around her house work, cook for her, every thing you think is a small detail and it's not important for you might be important for her. Tell her that you love her every day and try to make a special day every day. Even if you are upset or mad at her let her know that you are mad but that you love her.
Most married women don't care for material things; they care for affection and attention. If you do all of the above and more for your wife, she would feel the attention and affection that she is craving for.
Best Wishes.
2007-01-09 10:59:40 · answer #1 · answered by Eduardo S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage is what you make of it. From what you say, it is no different than what some of us live day in and day out, and though we may not be ecstatically, romantically in love...we are in love no less.
To elaborate a little, I go weeks, and here lately, months at a time with no physical contact. We have been together going on 4 years now, both of us came from a 20 year marriage and the last few years of those marriages had little to no physical contact in them, but our spouses were cheating on us, mine from day one, his from around year 5...but we both stayed for the kids sakes, bad move but the truth. We are in our late 40's and have found sex does not a marriage make. We have communication, we do things together, like the shopping and the household chores, we may not like all movies the same but we watch them together. He works 8 to 5 and I have a job where I can stay home and work from here all day or be out on the road for 15 hours. We cook meals together and clean up afterwards. This is our together time when we talk about the days events or the weekend plans or even what is bothering us in general. Even though I may not leave the house I still get up in the mornings with him and we share our morning coffee together watching the morning news and talking over the dinner menu. We share our life with each other...we don't need to always share our intimate souls with one another, I know he loves me and I love him. He may not always say so, as so many of us females would like, and he doesn't always hold me in his arms and he doesn't kiss me as often as I want him too...but I know by his statue, words, actions that he loves me
2007-01-09 16:27:00 · answer #2 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to cut back on your hours BIG TIME. That is one of the number one destroyers of marriages. Not spending enough time together. I am very sad about your son. As for sex, try toys. You can also take her out for romantic dinner (MAKE HER a romantic dinner/better) Take her on a gondola ride (if you live in, CA/newport beach) But the biggest thing is spend time with her. Show affection. Buy little gifts for no reason whatsoever. Come home from work early. Bring her flowers. Hold her hand. Little things mean HUGE things to women but DEFINITELY NUMBER 1, cut back on your hours and spend time with her or your marriage will not survive and she might turn to another man. Just being realistic. I've been married 9 years to my husband
2007-01-09 16:14:03 · answer #3 · answered by cottontail34@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might want to consider counseling. I'm sorry about your loss. My husband and I lost our son 2 years ago and it was the hardest thing we've ever dealt with and naturally it affected our marriage. We got counseling and it was very good for us.
If she doesn't think you are affectionate, you can do little things like rub her back, hug her, tell her you love her, etc. I'm sure you can save it if you're both willing to work at it, but it will take just that - work.
2007-01-09 16:10:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she's only thinking of herself, and not thinking about you and your feelings. And selfishness never works in a marriage.
I suggest that you both go through marriage counceling. Also a man's sex drive is based on the amount of testosterone his body produces and if your body isn't producing as much, it will affect your sex drive.
Sounds to me that she would rather run from the problem rather than face it head on.
2007-01-09 16:10:28 · answer #5 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this is where my favorite word "planning" come in at. plan it all out, what you need to start doing, and what are you doing wrong, what do she want from you?, what is her future plans? (she can help you on this part plus she would see that you are trying). however do NOT just do this for HER do this for you as well because you would want to be happy as well. if you have no sex drive thats alright you may just still want to please her sexually though and she dont have to please you, you can probley hold her more and take her out more, just show her the love that she wants and listne to her carefully because when u listen to someone it will be easier for you to know what she wants and to learn how to become more of the person she wants.
you two been through a lot and your marriage deserves to be saved.
2007-01-09 16:54:17 · answer #6 · answered by Syetta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You 2 need to go out for a nice dinner and talk about this she needs to go into detail what she wants so you can work on it gl
2007-01-09 16:09:57 · answer #7 · answered by Mafia6969 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
even if u have no sex drive u can become more "touchy feely" and give her the romance she is seeking....
try U making a nice candle lite dinner...just the two of u....and get her some roses....a dozen red roses.....a nice bottle of wine....etc
2007-01-09 16:08:56 · answer #8 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try counseling, and if this does not work, consider regaining your self respect . Sometimes we do our best, but it takes two to tango ...
2007-01-09 16:10:23 · answer #9 · answered by Vesna G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋