My wife found a bra that did not belong to het under our bed. Immediately, she accused me of cheating on her. In a sense I am. You see, the bra is mine and I wear it and other female clothing when no one is home. This time I got careless and did not pack everything up and put it in its "safe place." I am scared to tell my wife that I am transsexual and want a sex change, but I also don't want her thinking that I have been unfaithful. I need advice.
2007-01-09 07:49:48 · 31 answers · asked by John D 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Trust me, telling her will be the scariest thing you will ever do in your lifetime. It was for me. So far things are good with my marriage...
Considering the situation, you need to tell her right away. You don't want her to continue to think that you cheated on her. Tell her about how you feel, how long you've known for sure, and that you understand if she can't handle staying with you. This is important!! You need to realize that you cannot keep her. You need to be ready to let her go if she chooses to. I know you love her, but you need to understand that this will be extremely difficult for your wife and she needs to know that you want her support, but are willing to let her go if it is what she needs to be happy. You'll have a better chance of her choosing to stay if you keep her happiness in consideration, rather than just your own.
Once her initial mix of shock, fear, and possibly disgust is over, she will have questions. Be prepared to answer them truthfully and to the best of your understanding. From there, it all depends upon her values...
Whatever you do, don't beg her to stay. Be fair to her and let her choose what she believes will make her happier. If you care about her, her happiness will mean as much to you as your own.
2007-01-09 08:46:42 · answer #1 · answered by Ritz Grimarren 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From my own experience - speak to a gender therapist soon if you haven't already. Decide what you will do about coming out or not. Write down everything you want to say to her in a letter form that YOU will read to her when you both have a lot of time to talk, e.g. A Saturday morning. Be honest, but don't say things if you aren't yet really sure about them yet. "I don't know yet" is an acceptable answer. If you truly are TS and decide you must begin the process of changing your physical gender, it will take a lot of time and money. Realistically, at some point most hetero wives of TS women realize they don't want to be in a marriage with another woman. Despite best efforts, the humiliation becomes too much for them. Good luck.
2007-01-09 17:03:38 · answer #2 · answered by Janey99 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well there is nothing better in a realationship, then being truthful. just sit down with her and eplain your situation to her, tell her that you have not been unfaithful, and that you feel you are a women trapped in a mans body, and that you cannot take it any more, take out your little stash of womens clothes and show her, and tell her that when no one is around you put clothes on that make you comfortable. And that you are ready to become the person you know you are suppose to be. And if she cannot accept that then maybe you are her are not right for one another
2007-01-09 07:55:42 · answer #3 · answered by tuffchevy86 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is okay to be transsexual. The question is how you going to handle your situation. I can tell that you love your wife and down want to be unfaithful. So you have to choice.
One: tell her the truth
Two: next time before you have sex with her, buy the bra or dress you want to wear, but said it is for her, and wear in front of her as a teasing way. Test how her reaction is first. Then just keep wearing it before or after sex. Do this enough time, she will know that you like to wear woman clothes.
2007-01-09 07:57:31 · answer #4 · answered by ken401lam 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you knew that you are transsexual beforey u met her. and you knew that you want a sex change. You are right she not going to think that you are been unfaithful to her. but you have her life trust in your hand. You knew what you going though. But sad part is that you have lied to her and not telling her the truth if she knew she wouldn't never want to be with you even if you want to have sex change but see why i try to say?
You gonna have to tell her that you are transsexual and you want to be a woman. Believe me she will found out if you told her or soon later she will find out herself and she will end with you. She need a man with a you know to make love to her. not with nothing on you to become a woman? Do you think she would think of staying with you???
sorry but biggest different if you were a woman already and you marred to your wife she would know that she is lesbo but if you a man and want to be come a woman and she would end it period. She would need a real man to be with.
2007-01-09 08:16:16 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you married? Is it a cover so nobody finds you out?
I suggest coming clean with her and be prepared for her to leave. You are making her live a LIE! You are being very selfish and it isn't at all fair to the woman who loves you. This is going to DEVASTATE HER!!! You knew all along that your marriage would end when it finally comes out, and it has been cruel of you to fool her like this. You have your own plans for your life so you need to let her go NOW, so she can move on and start healing!
I know what you go through must be tough, but why make someone who devoted her life to you and loves you, go through something so hurtful? You should have stayed on your own alone, till you get the operation!
2007-01-09 08:01:31 · answer #6 · answered by wish I were 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have some problems, buddy. I would rather her think that I was cheating on her then let her know that I wanted a sex change. I really feel for you. Go ahead and leave her, tell her you are in love with with this "other woman" and move on, cause she is never going to believe you anyway, and will never stay married to you if you become a woman. Even if she loves you more than life itself this isn't something she is EVER going to understand. LOL Whoa!!! LMAO
2007-01-09 07:54:05 · answer #7 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
well she will be really really shocked if you tell her, so you need to tell her in private and at the right time. Make sure to take it slow telling her because she will probably freak. You dont want her to think you are some unfaithful husband, so just tell her. Then atleast you dont gotta deal with the guilt.
2007-01-09 07:55:26 · answer #8 · answered by PrinCipeSSa ItaLiAnA 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Could she possibly be suspicious? You NEED to tell her....don't take her out in public when you do so, either....
She is going to have to take this in. I actually saw a show recently (a documentary) where they followed like four or five couples in your situation, and what happened.
In one case (can't remember them all) they split up angrily, one couple split up as friends, and there were one or two couples where the wife accepted it!
Best of luck to you
2007-01-09 07:55:56 · answer #9 · answered by ♦♦pixiechix♦♦ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She is your wife and you will have to tell her your secret. You have to be prepared for a negative reaction. I know for a fact that I would have a negative reaction because I am married and I fell in love with my husband because he is such a macho kinda guy and for him to wear bra and panties or any other women clothing would just kill me....
2007-01-09 08:00:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋