My husdband and I have been together for 7.5 years (4.5 married), 2 kids 3.5 and 2. He works away from home 6 months of the year and had an affair for the last 10 days of his stay. To make matters worse he took her to my familys cottage (the place were we got married), also during this time I was very sick and unable to work he ended up faking sick and comming home a few days late while other family members were staying with me out.
He immeadiatly said that he had ruined our marriage but I guess I was in denial and said we would work through it. He says he loves me and wants it to work but I just don't love him anymore... I find everything about him annoying I am not attracted to him and mostly did not leave him because of the kids and fear of telling my parents and how dissapointed they would be. He plays x-box a minimum of 2 hours a day we don't fight anymore because I don't think either of us really care. We are just co-existing. Am I the village idiot for not leaving?
2007-01-09 07:37:04 · 18 answers · asked by so_tired_and_confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well as you pointed out it's a very difficult decision when it involves children but in my opinion you would be much better off without him.
2007-01-09 07:43:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 20 years to my first husband, the last 10 years mostly for the kids. But I have been told by my own children now that they are grown that they felt I should have left him sooner. They could tell we were not happy and that made them not be happy also. (My kids were older when we divorced) Ofcourse this is hindsight. But I do not recommend staying with someone just for the kids. You are wasting your life and his. The kids are young enough to adjust. Please do not make the same mistake I did.
But I also think, if you are a religious person, that you should pray about it for a while. (God does forgive divorce tho.) Don't forget that.
I hope you find the right answer, and you and your kids have a bright and happy future.
2007-01-09 07:53:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The key to any good relatioship is having respect for eachother, trusting eachother, and communicating with eachother. They say the 7th year of marriage is the most testing, and a life changing decision should not be taken in this year of marriage...unless of course this is some sort of an abusive relatioship, at which point i would advise you to get help and get out of it...but from what it sounds like, it's nothing like that...hm...I think it is important that you two talk, one on one...just leisurely, but surely...let him know that you two have to talk if this issue is to be resolved...talk about the earlier days when you two were first in love...remeber the feelings, both of you, of how it felt...how happy and wonderful it felt...
Let him know that respect and trust is a two way street, and that he broke a part of that respect and trust when he cheated on you...but people make mistakes...that does not mean that you have to be silent about it...communicate...from the heart...both of your hearts led you to this marriage...and it (the heart) cannot possibly be that wrong since you have two wonderful children who are relying on both of your love, as result of this marriage...
If anything...I would advise you to at least wait another year..just one more...12 months...then see where things are going...
I hope everything goes well...all the best :)
2007-01-09 08:08:53 · answer #3 · answered by p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes village idiot, don't leave him....kick him to curb girlfriend. You won't be forever if you kick him out. Taking her to your family cottage is the ut most disrespect I've ever heard. Do yourself a huge favor kick him and his Xbox out. Do you really want to co-habitate with a jerk like this the rest of your life? Kick him out brush yourself off and go out on the town and see how much fun life can really be without him!! If your parents and kids know they willl breathe a sigh of relief when he's gone and you are happier. Don't hesitate to tell your parents you may need their support.
2007-01-09 07:52:09 · answer #4 · answered by sxy_tang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not the village idiot for staying. But you do need to know how you feel about him. Do you love him no matter what. List the reasons why you love him. Don't disrespect him for what he did, because you have children together and no matter what your children need to be able to love the two of you. Maybe go to mediation or counseling before calling it quits. Does he love you? Do you feel it in your heart? My husband and I don't fight, but not because we don't care, but because it's pointless. We just have a civil discussion using loving words. Other than that--Gee I don't know. It's a hard situation.
2007-01-09 07:50:34 · answer #5 · answered by guina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not an idiot. You have some thinking to do, some very serious questions to answer for yourself. Please do what is right for you and the children. Maybe counseling could be a start to see where your feelings really are and where his are and why he cheated? I really think that you have just shut down, and you are not allowing yourself to feel ANYTHING at this point. You need to see a counselor NOW, so you can go through the entire process to heal.
2007-01-09 07:44:48 · answer #6 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out. You will never be able to forgive this man.
The wife in you can forgive him but the best friend in you probably cannot get over the betrayal. We do lots of things for our parents, we value their opinions and don`t want them to be upset that the kids don`t have daddy around. More than likely, your kids KNOW what`s up and him being around just makes them lose respect for you and they probably already sense he`s playing around. SURE he wants to stay married, why not?
Think about yourself and your self respect.
A good friend once told my ex that if he wanted to be a good father to be good to his wife in front of his kids. I have never forgotten that and I think your old man with his X-box etc. is just a loser and a user.
You deserve better, you were loyal.
If you had a girlfriend and she came to you with this story you`d tell her to GET OUT.
Good luck.
2007-01-09 07:45:17 · answer #7 · answered by Bern 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're NOT the village idiot.....and now that you recognize that this isn't a good situation and isn't going to get better. GET OUT!
Your husband cheated on you, you don't owe him a thing. You deserve better and so do your children!!!!!
Good luck and best wishes!!!
2007-01-09 07:46:45 · answer #8 · answered by AmyB 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to counciling. Whether you know it or not your kids know something is wrong with Mom and Dad. You and your husband for the kids sake go for counceling
2007-01-09 07:56:56 · answer #9 · answered by mamayer6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to leave him... just because you have kids together doesn't mean you have to be together. you are a grown woman, who cares if your parents are disappointed, you need to do what is right here and to me it sounds like you should leave him. he will still get to see your kids and be in their lives if you are not together. good luck!
2007-01-09 07:43:09 · answer #10 · answered by ~karma~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋