When we were first married and I graduated from collage I worked off in another town. Both of us had jobs and a house so I just rented an apartment in the town I was working in for 2 years and came home on the weekends. We were 23 and 24 and had only been married for a year. This was because she liked her job and we planed on her keeping it until we sold the house so she could move down with me. Now during this time she told me there was an older man who would come in an flirt with her. I knew she thought he was good looking and she would talk about him sometimes but I did not think anything was going on. Now the other day we were talking about our sex fantasies. We have talked about her being with someone else during sex but it was always just that fanatics and we were clear on that. So she tell me that she has something to tell me if I promise not get upset about it. She proceeds to tell me this guy came over one day during that time and they had sex. I was shocked. She stepped through what happened. She brought up things like her first thought when he showed up was that this was not a good time for this because she had been late one talking the pill a few times that month. And when I ask her what she was thinking as things went along she said at first she was scared but then got so horny she did not care. All the details and the things she said I feel were real. You do not explain made up things like she explained this. After she finished she saw that I was upset not happy about this and then has gone back and forth saying she made it up and then it really happened. I feel that it is true. A lot of things fell into place with what was going on back then. What should I do? We now have 3 kids. To my knowledge she has not done anything like this again.
2007-01-09 07:36:12 · 33 answers · asked by Brian 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get over it, man! Don't spoil the marriage you have by torturing yourself with this. It is of no consequence to you or your marriage. Be thankful she came clean!
2007-01-09 07:42:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would sit her down and have a really long talk with her. Until YOU are satisfied with the things that you heard. I don't like the fact that that she made it seem like it was no big deal. I think any type of cheating is a big deal no matter how long ago it was. How could she expect that you would not be hurt by her telling you that she was unfaithful to you and has lied to you all these years. If you can move past it I think that you should give it a try. You have been together for so long and have 3 kids together. But I do have to say that I believe in "Once a cheater, always a cheater".
I wish you both lots of luck.
2007-01-09 07:45:04 · answer #2 · answered by Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can imagine this would be hard because even though it happened a long time ago. Its a new thing for you to come to terms with. However, you have been together a long time and I don't think something that happened 10 years ago should destroy it.
Have a look at the positive things, she has stayed with you for 10 years, you are the one she chose to spend her life with, its your bed she comes home to every night, she chose to have YOUR kids, its much deeper than some affair when she probably wasn't mature.
Please don't let this throw away so much time. Like I say, its news to you so you have to accept it. Try to get her to open up about it, it's painful but if you don't ask it will nag at you.
Then, go out, the both of you and never mention it again. Instead, remind yourself shes with you. Not him...
GOOD LUCK!!
2007-01-09 07:44:31 · answer #3 · answered by bored4bored 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the marriage has been good all these years then I would advise you to save your marriage. It sounds as if you both are open with one another and this says a lot about the bond of friendship you both grew through the years, this is a good sign. I know you cannot simply throw it out of your mind and of course it will bother you even if it did happen years ago. The important thing for now is that she comes clean with the truth and that you both work this out in counseling to get the marriage back on the right track. Many times when a relationship and marriage is new the bond between the couple has not set in yet. It takes years and most couples drift apart. It appears that you both did not drift apart and instead grew closer together and that is worth saving. Reveal how you feel to her and hopefully you both can talk about this and work through it. Good luck to you!
2016-05-22 23:33:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds really awful, i think i understand how you are feeling.
I believe that if this was not important to her, it migth be true, she never leave you and you have been together for so long, you have a life together and children, that i suposse it's worth to try.
I don't think anybody should be judge easily, so i cannot judge your wife, i believe she had a huge mistake, but it's not a crime and, if she's been a good wife, good mother and good partner to you, she deserves to be listened, and maybe to be forgiven.
I would go with the idea of getting some counseling, since it is gonna be, of course, a dificult thing for you as much as it will be for her too.
You have been hurt, and she must feel guilty about it. And you both must have to acompany one another trougth this trip to get out of the problem togheter.
Don't panic, do what you have to do in order to have the life you want to have. Good luck.
2007-01-09 07:58:12 · answer #5 · answered by Popocatepetl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing I would do is get a paternity test to make sure they are your real children. I once dated a woman who told me that her daughter has a different father than her son,but she does not know about it,and neither does her father(her ex husband).
He continued to pay child support,even though it was not his daughter. I never said anything to her daughter ,it was not my place to do so.
She is now 22 years old or so,and has no idea who her real father is,and probably never will. I would think if I were you,to be wondering if my children were really my children,but that is me.
I would want to know for my own piece of mind,and it might save you money-wise if your marriage falls apart also.
Whenever a woman brings up a man in conversation,repeatedly,it usually means that she has a thing for him.A woman usually tells on herself such as in your case,so I would listen to her very carefully when she speaks of "male friends" at work or wherever.
I personally could not go on in a relationship with a woman who has lived with this lie and adultery for all those years.
Who knows how many other trysts she had?
I could not live under the same roof as a cheater,what other things has she not told you in 10 years of marriage. I guess you have lived with a stranger for 10 years,my condolences go out to you. It happens to the best of us.
2007-01-09 07:49:10 · answer #6 · answered by Dfirefox 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion if you've lasted 10 years then you definitely have a good thing going on and even though you have every right to be upset, I think you should think about your life together now and your three children and decide whether you can put this behind you. But remember you have have had a life together for so many years now and to throw it all away over one indiscretion that happened 10 years ago seems foolish. But you have to be able to forgive her or else you will never be able to move on.
2007-01-09 07:46:06 · answer #7 · answered by csenatore13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she thinks one of your kids isn't yours, and may be the other mans. think what she told u is absolutely true, and maybe u need to get a DNA test. but if the test did come back and the child was not yours, how would it affect your marriage? and the child. some things are best left in the past, if u are happy with her in all other ways, maybe it is best to let it go, just think how the child would feel if the father they always knew wasn't really theirs. just forgive and forget the DNA test could open up alot of heartache for alot of people, as its not just about u.
2007-01-09 11:14:58 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey man life is full of surprises some times you just have to move on and forget about it that,s what I said forget about it and never bring it up again and don,t use what you know to cheat on her for get about women are a very complex being that,s what makes them different from us if half the people who read your story about your life knew what their wife has done and is doing there would be many more stories on here just like yours, you cant miss what you can,t measure
2007-01-09 07:48:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm really sorry about this. I think its time for some couples counseling, because you just can't drop this. She betrayed you and now your going to have to deal with how this makes you feel. The fact that she has kept this lie for ten years, also means that there is so much more she could be hiding. If I were you, for the sake of your heart and for the sake of your family, its time to seek therapy. This is alot to take in by yourself.
Good luck, my prayers are with you.
2007-01-09 07:42:37 · answer #10 · answered by Chrystal 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let it die. It is apparent she has been a good wife and I assume a good mother . And if this did happen she had lived with that on her conscience all this time . She had to let it go some how and I be glad she let it go to you.
Forgive & forget and move past this why destroy what has been a happy marriege up til now. Your wife got her punishment for the deed if it happened with having it on her conscience
2007-01-09 07:51:13 · answer #11 · answered by mamayer6 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋