HELP???? Husband having mood swings?????

Question

I don't know what the heck is wrong with my husband. We are a young married couple with 2 kids. Overall we have a very good marriage. We do bicker and fight sometimes (not a ton) but nothing major and usually its over stupid petty things. This morning its like I woke up to another man. I've never seen him rage and get as angry as he did EVER in my life. It was over the stupidest thing, he didn't agree with why I put our 3 yr old in timeout (she was standing on the kitchen counter about to jump from there to the couch) He pulled me into another room and a full out fight ensued, ending with him rearing back like he was going to hit me (HE DIDN"T HIT ME) he walked away promptly after rearing back like he was going to hit me. Even though he never hit me It scares me, I've never seen this side of him. I dunno even where to start in handling this, I know something needs to be done.

Answer 1

He is under a tremedous financial burden, why arent you working? His life sucks right now because he has to tolerate so much, however he gets so little in return which has gotten him to this breaking point.

Answer 2

First thing, stay safe. You might want to come up with an exit plan in case he DOES hit you next time. Talk with shelters and such to put together a plan. Or maybe, to make sure you're safe and that HE gets it, if you have a safe place to go take a break from him for a couple of weeks.

Second, if you feel safe enough to do it...when you're both calm sit down with him and explain to him that this is in absolutely NO WAY acceptable.

Third, find the best marriage counselor you can to go speak with so you guys can work out whatever is going on that's got him in such a snit. If you can't afford a counselor most religious institutions (whatever faith) offer free counseling.

Finally, know where your boundaries are so you can tell him what is okay and not okay. Then stick to it.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I was married to an abusive man with extreme anger problems and he is bi-polar. What you described could be anger or bi-polar or nothing but a bad timing due to some sort of stress. It is an issue that you need to get some answers. I suggest talking to him and not bringing up anything about bi-polar, etc. You want to keep the conversation positive. Just maybe focus it on you thinking that something is going on in his life and you want to help him or be that ear for him.

Since you have been married for 2 years and this is the first time that it happens, I think it has more to do with something going on with him. Could he be having an affair, having problems at work, doing drugs or maybe frustrated with your marriage? It could be something less serious as the things that I have mentioned.

Any abuse is wrong and domestic abuse and violence is never ever acceptable. It is a pattern that starts and never ends, even with the "I am sorrys, etc." With the information that you have provided, I am not sure that I would jump to the decision that he is a batterer - yet.

Good luck and remember keep the conversation positive and not focused on his actions but focused on what's going on in his life and how you can help.

Answer 4

It sounds as though he is going through some rough things that you probably don't know about. It could be anything from work to something someone said, to the kids. Men don't like discussing their feelings, and try to work it out themselves. He was probably at his breaking point when this happened. Although it was a small thing, it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Just let him be for a while and keep an eye on how he's doing. You might ask him if something is stressing him out. Other than that, just leave him alone for a bit. If it continues to get worse, you might want to go to counseling. I wouldn't make any snap judgements about him though.

Answer 5

My personal feelings towards your situation is that if you are in fact a "young couple" then one of the problems he might be having is he might be thinking of other things he would rather be doing at this time in his life, admittedly this is no excuse for his behavior. I would start a conversation with your husband with "please don't get upset with me, but is something bothering you" and if he says he doesn't want to talk about it or gets angry, just let it go and don't ask again until you think he has calmed down...If after a couple of times he still doesn't want to talk about it then you have bigger problems, If he is not willing to open up to you then it might be time for some counseling, and you should also get his parents involved, sometimes if a man has a good relationship with his mother, she can work wonders

I hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 6

My husbands father used to beat him and his mother. One day we were walking and my husband asked me if I ever get the urge to just punch someone in the face. Then next thing I knew he hauled off and hit me in the neck. I was speechless and I decided at that moment that I had no other choice but to leave him. We had only been married a year. BUT in an instant he apologized and explained that there was a bug on my neck and he was trying to get it off. I was still shocked and tried to hold back tears. I don't know what it is with him but I know his heart and he wasn't lying. He apologized profusely and assured me that he'd never hurt me that way. So, I'll say if you have that gut feeling inside that this could get bad leave. If he can't assure you that he will never hit you then leave--quickly. If you are feeling you need to walk on eggshells then leave. Otherwise find out what is going on and if he doesn't want to talk about it then leave.

Answer 7

My first reaction would be to see if he has a family history of bi-polarism. Mood swings is one of the first signs. Medication can help with it. Other signs are: hypersexuality, crazy spending of money, overly happy or overly depressed or violent, habitual lying. Start watching for these signs. However, it is no excuse for him to hit you ever. If he does lay his hands on you, you will have to walk away from the relationship. There is no going back after that. Women make the mistake of thinking it's a one time incident and it never is. My sister was murdered by her violent, bi-polar husband. It never gets better.

Answer 8

Dear 6903...

I read your situation very carefuly and understand you have been married for quit some time, and even with your ups and downs, it's been a good marriage.

Nevertheless, you must be adviced that disscusing over petty thing is usually not a good thing, since a mature person should make use of the "discussion tool" for important matter that represent a threat to couple / family members', assets or interests. Incentivating discussions over petty subjects deminor this important tool.

Your husband mught be a person who is once in a while complaining over minor things, even without discussing over the subjects that might put him in a bad mood. If that's his case, then you must be advised that this attitud is decribed as "passive agressive";

A passive agressive behavior (also called negativistic personality disorder) is a personality disorder said to be marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations. Some signs of this behavior:
Ambiguity,
Intolerant to criticism,
Blaming others,
Complaining
Making excuses and lying
Obstructionism
Procrastination
Resentment
Resists suggestions from others
Sarcasm

Usually these agreession, like the ones you have explained and experienced, do not appear from night to morning. A person rather evolves from passive-agressive behavior to a more open agressive behavior, since he feel that his initial complaints or reasons were accepted or supported or simple ok by family members or freinds.

Summing up, the reasons for his behavior is likely to be one of the following reasons:

-Passive-agressiveness that has escalated;
-He is inmature.
-Self-centered or selfish concept of his opinions and need.
-All of the above.

He will need help in order to become less self-centered. And only a person aware of the destructive consecuences of egoism will understand the need toimprove his behavior.

As your husband, you know this man better than his mom. Is he a good listener? then, have a nice chat with him during an evening picnic or drinks... Is he a bad listenerr? Invite him to see a movie that portraits the consecuences of agressive behavior or mabe some chat over somebodies (a friend or neibor's) experience that involves the consecuences of agressive behavior...

The first thing it should encourage you, before you ever recoemmend him to have some therapy, is to get some help yourself regardong on how to interact with a person who tends to be agressive under certain cercumstances. Inmy personal experience, in first instance I advice to:

-Don't make him feel criticized (even if he is being so, use a relective approach making questions);

-Don't contradict him, just try to "ask for his advise" and gently mention some possible consecuences [always include some possitive aspect].

-Manage the tone of you voice to sound sweet and loving and calm [like a sweet lady - he still has feeling and thats one of your best approaches].

-Avoid talking sensitive issues over family meals and get togethers.

-Avoid talking during stresful situation: inmediate after work, for example.

-Always praise high of his achievments.

Answer 9

Either he's feeling very pressured to provide and falling short of the glory or he may have another woman interested in him. No affair, but someone giving him googly eyes and he can't even talk to her 'cause he's married with children and it's "all your fault"---I'm not a professional...it's just a theory. When a man starts acting completely out of character for no apparent reason, ask if there's any new interns at his job.

Answer 10

Trust your instincts.... based on what you've shared you are right in that something needs to be done.
If it were me.... 1st, approach him again when he seems to have settled down and ask in a VERY Genuine Caring way, what is going on .... really? In my opinion there is another under lying issue and it is about him and not you, yet he is using you as the target of dealing with it by making you the problem. Unless there is something else DO NOT ACCEPT THIS.
If he comes clean and shares then ASK him how you can help him deal with whatever issue it is... if you even can. However you absolutely can not do anything for him...he has to fix himself 1st.
2nd, thing I'd do is share this with a family member that you both trust and ask them to keep tabs on you both. Create a safe avenue for you both to be able to talk to someone you both trust.
3rd, DO NOT LET IT GO until IT HAS BEEN DELT WITH ... HONESTLY and OPENLY.
4th, and probably most important... be IN LOVE, tell him why you choose to marry him and why you are still in love with him....he needs to know to.
Good luck and all the best.

Answer 11

1) you need to find out if something major is bothering him in his life. He is maybe nervous inside him for several reasons he won't didn't discuss it with you till now. the knowing what is going on alone Will help you realize what's really happening, also you will be able to help him with his problem. maybe by comforting him or plan together what can be done.
2) Make sure you are not a nag.
3) keep your intimacy life lively.
4) discuss what your values should be from now on