He thinks our marriage is fine (so he says), but these are the facts. He started smoking again after having quit for 4 years. He was willing to have sex with me twice in 2006 (I'm not exaggerating...2X). He spends more time avoiding us (two girls 4 & 1) by playing computer games, helping his Mother, or watching TV and movies. I want our marriage to work, but I'm exhausted by the thought that I'm the only one who cares. He ignores me 90% of the time. If I really need him to hear me I have to say (tom tom tom (not real name) like 20 times...then he look over at me). He even had the audacity to say i don't appreciate that he works. I said I do, but everyone works, that would be like me wanting a certificate of appreciation for doing laundry. Do men really think that working is all you have to do to be part of a family? How do you fix a marriage when he thinks its just right? Anyone else have this problem. I plan to leave soon if I can't get my and my kids needs met.
2007-01-09 06:51:43 · 26 answers · asked by Wendy B 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ask for a list of goals from him for the next year. Talk to him about HIS priorities and see if you two can comprimise on a solution to make you happy. Like simple things, watching a movie together. Having eveyone go out for a meal. Ask him HOW he wants you to show apprciation for him working, leaving him in peace is not an option. He is in this marriage and had the kids right along with you so tell him to act like it. If he feels he is in a slump tell him he needs a cheerful family oriented hobby NOT the computer games. What is making him depressed??? Get to the root and help him work through it to have him participate in showing you attention and a little romance.
2007-01-09 07:00:31 · answer #1 · answered by Shyeeee 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband was the same we have a 4 and 2 year old, he always watching tv,played video games and never answered me till I said his name at least 5 times. ANYWAY the marriage is now great, we up and moved COUNTRY!!!!! Try and go out (even for just a meal) to talk, there could be a serious problem if you only had sex 2 times in a year. Are sex life never suffered, if nothing alters, leave!
2007-01-09 15:08:39 · answer #2 · answered by Weiners and Beans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey gerl, think abt your daughter. 80% children affected when their parent divorce. Ask urself is he like this before u guys get married? All i can say men is all the same.
Maybe it becuz u treated him differently when u guys get into marriage. Let me tell u gal, men needs alot of attention den us especially when they get in marriage life.
Change ur lifestyle as a wife to a VOGUELICIOUS wife. If u know what im trying to say. Always dress up sexy when at home with ur husband. Once a month make a romantic dinner with him.
Or talk to him without any anger and ask him if anything that bothering him til he ignoring u and ur gals. Make a mindsep that leaving him is the last thing u will eva do.
2007-01-09 22:18:06 · answer #3 · answered by Murni Sad Adi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well...since your husband will not take care of your needs the it's high time for you to take care of your own needs. if that is all he does is spend time watching tv and sitting at the computer...start going out with your friends. start taking up some hobbies that can keep you interested (and out of the house). that may get him to notice that you are not around as much. or if you just don't want to go that route then what's stopping you from leaving? you can only do and take so much. this has been a one-sided relationship for how long? and you are still there. i say just pack up and leave, since he will not listen to you anyways (not trying to be mean). but sometimes you need to let your actions speak for you instead of words.
2007-01-09 15:02:41 · answer #4 · answered by cfalways 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is something wrong with this picture. The best i can say is you both need some alone time. Turn off everything, send the kids to relatives overnite and concentrate only on both of you. Be there for him in every way. And let him know how serious it is. If that doesn't work get help. Good Luck
2007-01-09 15:05:17 · answer #5 · answered by bluemist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seriously sounds like you 2 need counseling!!!!
If it does not work than you need to sit him down and ask him if things do not change than the fact the 3 of you are drifting apart will make the marriage dissolve. I was afraid to leave my first husband because of going through what you are going through and much more. Once I did it I was blessed with my second and final husband. He treats me and my children so much better. My ex is angry, but he had his chance for 11 years to change. I could not take it anymore.
2007-01-09 14:59:15 · answer #6 · answered by purpleone726 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
as u said u care 190% and he care 10% u must to turn it to 100% for both..
i think your husband take care of something else such as work or friends..or he worry so much that he even not care, what happening now..
u must to talk to him, and understand and listen him what happened..
if he didn't response just change the atmosphere there.. maybe he got angry when he come to the home and don't feel comfortable if the kids fighing or crying.. so u must to change something.. like when he come made for him romantic dinner and show him some care.. maybe your care to him is just take care of his kids.. it's not right... or u think that the care is to make him meal no it's not... take care is take care of him just alone..to give him some respect some love some understand..
when u told him what happened today? how was your day?
when u want to go to get rest in which restaurant..
be clever in every move... don't lose him and lose your kids... because of the care...
every man knows how much important to take care.. u must to tell him tell me what inside your heart? maybe he have something to tell u, but u are busy... i wish u all the luck,, and if u want anything just e-mail me or talk to me at my mail menoo15@yahoo.com i am ready to listen and solve and see what happen Good luck
2007-01-09 15:02:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's normal for men to lose interest in women who they have won. He takes you for granted. Start avoiding him and acting more independent. Dress up when you go out. Take care of yourself. Get a job or start school or do something for yourself. He will notice you. Men are stupid. Good luck.
2007-01-09 14:56:55 · answer #8 · answered by crazyloonynice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Really think this one out. It is tough to raise two kids by your self.sounds like he is going through some depression. Do you two have any purpose for your lives? Any hopes or dreams?Are you Christians? There is no way to work it out without god.Pray about it.The bible says for men to love there wives like Christ loves the church and for women to respect and love there husbands.If you love him try this for two weeks. Treat him like a king,praise him for all of his hard work.Try to get him to go on a date night without the kids and seduce him driving down the road,maybe a little lap action. what have you got to lose. If all of this fails dump the jerk and find a real man with some ba-lls.
2007-01-09 15:01:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all talk to him and tell him how you feel. You do not deserve this and neither do your girls. If talking doesn't help then I suggest marriage counseling. For the sake of the girls, use leaving as a last resort. Good Luck!
2007-01-09 14:58:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋