We've been married for 3 years and we have a child.I don't love him anymore and we're not get along anymore.Sometimes I want to tell him I want to get divorce.But I'm afraid how his reaction will be(I know he loves me so much!)and also I'm afraid how I'll do without him b/c I don't work,I'm In a country that I don't have family and friends around to give me some suport.If I divorce him What I'm going to do to survive b/c I don't want to take any money from him.But If I still be married I think I will be more depressed and unhappy every day.
2007-01-09 06:41:14 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can pretty much guarantee that I'm older than most of the people who have answered here but I understand exactly how it is to fall out of love with someone. I fell out of love with a man after 3 years of marriage. We just became different people and no amount of counseling brought the love back. It just happens. Sometimes you outgrow people, sometimes they outgrow you. It doesn't mean you don't care about them, you're just not in love with them anymore. It happens to most people. Everyone of my friends feel the same way about thier spouse. They care about them, but the in-love feeling has worn off. It always does. You have to decide if you can make it work as friends somehow as most of us have done with our own relationships. Know this - if you leave him, you'll start all over again with someone else and go through the same thing again. Different person, different problems but they're still problems. Most women are of the mind of "better the problems you know than the problems you don't". If you truly think you won't come to a point where you're at least satisfied in your relationship, then move on. Being in another country is going to be tough because many times you won't be allowed to take your children away from a spouse out of the country. I would get legal advise before you plan to do anything. But understand that no relationship is perfect and the in-love feeling does not last - ever. Anyone saying so is deluding themselves. You just come to a point of mutual respect with a desire to build a life together.
2007-01-09 07:03:36 · answer #1 · answered by Lilith 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure he is the issue? I'm only asking because it sounds like you may have some other things going on to make life tough at the moment-- a young child to care for, no support system, nothing that's just for you. What I would do is make a list of the specific reasons you feel you don't love him. Then look at your list carefully. Can any of these be changed? Would counseling or therapy help? Is he even aware of how you feel? Maybe you need to communicate your concerns to him (in a neutral, non-accusing way, if possible) and see if there might be any solutions other than divorce that you could work on together. There must have been some good reasons you originally fell in love. . . try to remember what those were, and keep in mind that your current circumstances would make this a difficult time for any marriage. Is it possible this is just one of the "bad times" they talk about when they say, "in good times and bad"?
2007-01-09 06:54:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First thing I would ask is if you have tried to talk to him and suggest marrige counsling. If either of you do not want to go that route and you are unhappy then i would start looking for a part time or a full time so i would not need to depend on him with finance. As you start working you will see that you will get more independent and you will have the courage to be on your own. There are may help groups out there. Just look in the internet in you area. There are so many women that were in your position and have moved on.
2007-01-09 07:17:40 · answer #3 · answered by passiones5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice is try separating for a little bit. If you are unsure how you would react to the divorce, try separating for a couple of months and if you still feel that you don't love your husband then I suggest that you do get a divorce. You will most definitely be depressed if you stay in a marriage where you don't love the other. If he loves you the way you say he does then go ahead and tell him that you are not in love with him anymore. Just be ABSOLUTELY sure that you are not in love with him. Hope this makes sense.
2007-01-09 07:06:54 · answer #4 · answered by MARJ213 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you' re really that unhappy then, you need to get a divorce but, you don't need to tell him right away. Even though you don't want to, you need to start saving some of his money since he is supporting you and your baby right now. Find a good hiding place and set a little aside for awhile until you think you have enough to get you by so you can get on your own two feet or atleast enough to buy you and your child a ticket for when you do decide to leave. You're not doing too bad because you have access to a computer. It's just not healthy to stay in something when you're not completely happy, especially for the baby.
2007-01-09 06:56:32 · answer #5 · answered by grizzly girl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First you should figure out why you lost interest in him. Look at the positives and why you loved him in the first place. Of course there isn't a set formula to figure our your dilemma, because love isn't measurable. My parents have been married for 22 years, sure there have been low points but they stay clear of each other for about a week then do things they both enjoy together. DO what is best for you and your child. Only you can determine the right thing, I hope you find your answer!
2007-01-09 06:51:54 · answer #6 · answered by krazyc122 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why don't you love him anymore? what do you think caused it? I know from my life with my parents that had at time VERY rocky relationship that you could choose to not "love" them anymore. I think you can love despite of whatever happens. Sometimes you can get emotionally disconnected from your partner and that is when you "feel" you don't love him anymore. True love is when you choose to stick around no matter what the circumstances, and the feelings later on will follow. Maybe you can suggest counseling to see what is going on with you. Cause you might get out by divorcing him but this can be a problem that will plague you in your next relationships. Passion fades..but it can be reignited! Seek some counseling first..then see what happens!
2007-01-09 06:50:05 · answer #7 · answered by chiqa1485 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever thought about trying to figure out why you are not inlove with him anymore and then talk to him about it. Maybe you really do still love him, you have just gotten so comfortable with each other that there is no passion left. I have had the same problem, I thought I didn't love my husband and come to find out we just needed to rekindle what we had. If you truly did not love him you would not be afraid to leave whatsoever. No matter what the situation. So why don't you just talk it over with him and see what happens.
2007-01-09 06:49:40 · answer #8 · answered by todayillsee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You child doesn't care if you "love" your husband or not. You child deserves a family who puts his/her wellbeing above their own selfish feelings. Get marital counseling and learn to communicate. You have a husband who loves you and a child - which is alot more than most people. Get over yourself and stop dwelling on your "feelings"- love is a verb.
It's amazing how many people say DIVORCE at the first sign of "unhappiness" Sorry- you not only took vows, but you chose to create a child. It's not about YOU anymore, it's about honoring your vows and putting your child first. Grow up and suck it up. You didn't say anything about addictions, abuse, affairs, mistreatment, gambling, womanizing.... just about how you "feel" ..
2007-01-09 06:48:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie you need to talk with your husband, tell him that your not happy. Let him know whats bothing you, give him a chance to fix it or even want to fix it. Belive me I have been married for 14 yrs and if you dont tell him your not happy he wont know!!! REALLY!! I hate to say this but men are sometimes clueless when it comes to feelings and expressing them. You married this man for a reason, you need to think of that too. I am not sure of what is really going on here but you need to talk to him. Dont jump to divorce, talk and work on your marrage. Some say that love fades over time and its true but if you make that extra effort to not let it fade away it is well worth it over time. There are rocky roads ahead either with him or without him. Traveling is better with a companion.
Talk with him, take some time to think about what is bothering you. Deside if they are worth loosing your relationship over or address them.
2007-01-09 06:56:47 · answer #10 · answered by ohdarnitsmeagain 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋