looking for helpful advice..?

Question

I'm a 19 year old girl looking for advice on what to do with my second unwanted pregnancy. Before you judge and tell me how stupid I am, I was on birth control this second time. The first time my boyfriend and I were not careful, and that pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I had made the decision to have hte baby and I was crushed when I lost it, even though I was not ready. Now, 6 months later and on birth control, I somehow find myself pregnant again. My doctor told me I would be safe unless I missed a pill, which I did not. So i find myself in teh same situation but havn't told anybody. I don't knwo what to tell my mom and friends who knew the first time around. I'm really stressing out and thinking of not having it because I don't knwo if i could put everyone though that stress again, including myself and my boyfriend (of 3 years). Any advice on how I should handle this is appreciated..... Thanks..

(sorry this is so long!)

Answer 1

Ultimately it is up to you and the father. I think you better talk to him and your mom. It's a personal thing. I wish you luck.

Answer 2

I would talk to your boyfriend and ask him how he feels. My guess is he does not want the baby either. Also talk to your mother or another family member that you trust or any other person. If you were crushed the after the miscarriage, then you may not want to terminate this pregnancy. Think about adoption if you know you will not be able to care for this baby and give it the love and support it deserves. There are plenty of people out there who can't have babies and would love to adopt yours. Also you could try to arrange for an open adoption so you could still have contact with the baby. Just remember to think long and hard before you do anything you will regret. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, I'm going to assume you'd not decide to have an abortion this time, if you didn't before... I think if I were you, I'd tell my boyfriend (because he should share the stress with you no matter what) and keep it a secret from everyone else until at least 4 months (assuming this one sticks that long). Nobody needs to know until you start showing and they start being able to guess. It doesn't help you if they do, or if it does you can tell select people who you need to have know.

I didn't show till six months, and told only my nearest and dearest. Even telling people at 6 months there is plenty of time left for anticipation, and it's not like they're being deceived meanwhile - it's just none of their business, and you don't want to have to feel responsible for their anxiety on your behalf until the child is more certainly forthcoming. They'll respond as positively as they did before, I'll bet, when they've had some time to forget the last one.

And you DEFINITELY don't want to feel like you have to explain yourself. I can imagine if I were in your situation I would feel, slightly, almost unconsciously, like everyone blamed me for losing the last one and didn't trust me to carry this one ... and would be annoyed at me as if I was stupid and doing something bad by being pregnant ... if you feel that way, well, you really don't need that kind of extra concern! Keep aware of irrational feelings like that which you may have, because facing them makes them easier to overcome. You can tell people whenever you are ready to tell them, and no sooner.

Answer 4

I'm not for abortions but it depends on you. You should not have an abortion just because its going to be inconvenient for you your boyfriend or your family. If you think your not going to be able to give the baby a good and stable life give it up for adoption. But I know a few friends of mines that went through a long depression after having an abortion. Talk to your mom and maybe she'll help you with the Pro's and Con's. Talk to your boyfriend and get his opinion also. If he loves you he'll stand behind you no matter what you choose. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Look at it the bright side is a gift from God besides if you have an abortion when you really want a baby and want to conceive your not going to be able it will get difficult for you I'm telling you this because my friend was in your situation and she aborted her baby know she is 43 and wants a baby real bad and she is unable to conceive she was 20-something when she aborted look at it the bright side and good luck on your decision :o)

Best Of Luck!!!

Answer 6

I am 19 as well but I am expecting my 3rd in August and with my second child, I was on bc pills and became pregnant as well. I was upset and cried at first, but then realized that this baby was meant to be since I was on bc pills and still got pregnant. She is the best thing in my life except my first daughter and so happy I had her. Abortion never crossed my mind, I look at it as she was meant to be here and she is one of the biggest blessings I ever had. Don't do something that when you see a newborn, you regret what you did for the rest of your life.

Answer 7

You may not miscarry this time just because you did with your first child. ( sorry about your loss as well) Tell your mom at least, we can all use that support. If you decide to keep the baby ONLY TELL YOUR MOM AND BOYFRIEND. then after your 3 month mark, it will be safe to tell the rest of your family and friends! GOod luck, congrats, and God Bless!

Answer 8

I just wanted to let you know that "help?"'s answer to you was not true at all!! How stupid for someone to answer a question with totally false information. If you do decide to abort, it in NO WAY will affect your future decision to have babies, if the procedure is done right, by a professional. Just disregard what that person said. What an Idiot.

Answer 9

At least tell your mother and ask her what her opinion is. Good Luck