tell me something really funny?

Question

anything at all

Answer 1

It was entertainment day at the Senior Center and The Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat pocket.
" I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting. "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.



" S H * T ", the hypnotist said in frustration.

It took the cleaning staff three days to clean up the mess in the Senior Center.

Answer 2

Something really funny.

Answer 3

When I was in England, I got on a bus to see a soccer game with a bunch of other college students from America.

I had the worst diarrhea I've ever had in my life. I had to concentrate so hard not to go in my pants that I was sweating buckets. My friend in the seat behind me kept talking to me and I had to ask him to repeat himself over and over, I was concentrating so hard. I started to get chills.

THEN we got stopped in a traffic jam. I couldn't believe it. I finally told the dean of students that I was about to have a bathroom emergence and could they please stop the bus if they saw a hotel or any place with a public bathroom? He said okay.

Finally we saw a sign for a hotel. I ran off the bus so fast that later my friends told me they wondered what the hell was going on. But going up the street to the hotel, I couldn't run for fear of going in my pants, so I kind of walked really fast but with my butt-cheeks closed.

When I got to the "hotel" it was locked and I pounded on the door. It turned out not to be so much of a hotel as an apartment where a guy rents out extra rooms. Hurriedly I requested to use the bathroom which they said was upstairs.

RELIEF.

I was in there so long, though, trying to make sure I was finished, that the guy (in his English accent), asked me, "Are ya havin' a bath in there or what!?"

Finally I was done and I met up with my group to go the soccer game. Unfortunately, my problems wouldn't end there. In the middle of the stadium tour, I felt a familiar pressure in a familiar area.

I tried to hold it as long as I could because I didn't want to miss the opening kickoff, but once again I could hold it no longer. At this time, there was a bathroom. Unfortunately, it was a large public bathroom and I was very self-conscious because... in that sort of situation, it's hard to be quiet. And I got the stall right next to the urinals.

One guy at the next urinal commented on the noise I was making and (again, you have to try and hear the English accent in your head) said, "Man, that sounds NASTY, mate!" So I held it for awhile, just sitting there quietly, and he finally said, "Well now, that sounds a bit healthier!"

The worst moment was when one man brought his little girl to use the stall next to me. I tried to hold it for a long time until they left but when I couldn't anymore and she heard me flatulate, she giggled uncontrollably.
"Ewwwwww!" she squealed.
"Was'at you?" her dad asked her, teasing.
"Noooo! Daddy! It wasn't me!"

I have never been so humiliated and emberassed (and em-bare-***'ed) in my whole life.

Answer 4

when i was doing my french oral for my xmas exams for a dare when i was describing my self, i said Je mappelle Denise, Je suis constipe (sorry for spelling which means my name is denise and iam constipated! my french teacher was never so shocked and she asked me did i know whta it meant and i said yes and she sent me out of her class room with 0 marks lol

Answer 5

A zipper is a penis fly trap.It grabs alot of meat and hurts like hell

Answer 6

really funny

Answer 7

People think America is the land of opportunity.