what if your husband will not make love to you?

Question

only if you ARE MATURE to answer this pls no games we are both in our mid 30s and we sleep together every night but we are not making love any more and he dont work its been 4 months now. that he just been home he will not even kiss me or hug me its like we are just here and i am paying all the bills i have 3 childern that is not his my kids are grown but 1 of them is 14 ,he just play the x-box and watch t.v and get on the computer and i have notice he get up late at night to get online when i am sleep and play the x-box till about 600 am pls if you can help me understand this thing more clear i am open to read commments and 1 more then he about ministry and i see somethings thats not lined up to the will of god and i will not do what he want he started to withdrawn from me its been since nov 2006 now

Answer 1

He is either having an affair or is addicted to online porn. The hours you mention lead me to believe he has met someone online from a foreign country. That would explain the late hours (time difference). Too, it is possible that they are having cam sex, that is, mutual masturbation. This would explain his lack of sex with you. I don't know what led to this situation but fault can generally be found with both spouses. Are you unattractive, overweight, a nag? What is he doing aside from being online that riles you? Answer these questions, correct them, and watch your relationship bloom again. Again, I suspect an online affair. Watch finances. Look at phone records. These may provide proof of an affair. Good luck.

Answer 2

I am wondering why he isn't working. Is he depressed or does he not want to work. He can't feel very good about himself if he's not contributing to the finances. I don't understand the comment about ministry or what he wants you to do that you will not do. He's been withdrawn ever since he stopped working? If so, that points to depression. Is he trying to find work. Job hunting is a full time job and if he's up all night playng games, he probably sleeps while you're awake. If so, he is avoiding you, isn't he? I would advise you to listen to your inner feelings. They are almost always right. Is he online looking for work or is something sinister going on while you're asleep? He may be surfing porn sites or may have an online thing going with someone. Check history and see what sites he's been on. ASK QUESTIONS, There's more to be uncovered here than meets the eye.

Answer 3

So, basically, she left him, married someone else and then found out the new guy was no prince? Your husband is a fool. She's probably happy enough when her husband is giving her what she wants, and only "loves" yours (or other men) when she is feeling ignored. Point this out to your husband, and tell him that because he fell for this, you've lost respect for him. Tell him you want to be married to someone who is going to love you for you and won't be so eager to let another woman invade your lives. You say this to make him dislike her. My guess is that he said those things because he was so flattered by her attention. It would be very hard to ignore someone who had left you for someone else coming back and saying they regretted the decision. However, many men would have cheated and he didn't. That tells me that he really DOES love you but was caught up in the flattery of the moment. I would stay married if he starts to see her for what she is ... a troublemaker ... but not if he's going to keep her on pedestal. Good luck.

Answer 4

I tell you need to seek help it sounds as if your husband has sunk into a deep state of depression. Do you nag him about getting a job? If so you will push him deeper into depression. He is probably on line because those people do no know the true him. He can be who ever he chooses on there. Do you know what kind of sites he goes to online (hide your credit cards well). God can only help if he lets him back in his life. You really need to get your husband to seek help. you can't force him to do it. Does he help around the house or do you do all the house work too. Whatever you do don't allow him to drag you down the gutter with him. Make sure he can't get ahold of your finances and ruin everything you have worked to build. I'm not telling to to leave him just keep track of everything. Marriage is a give and take but you can't do all the giving. Don't sit around thinking well maybe he will change next week, that might be to late.

Answer 5

My first thought while reading your post is that he's suffering from depression. Unemployment can do that. Depression usually does cause a lack in sex drive.

But then I got to the part in your post about the ministry, and I'm not really sure what you mean there. I think you mean that he started withdrawing from you because you weren't being a good enough "help-meet" (I think that's the term)?

In either case, I strongly suggest that your husband get some professional help. He has some personal issues that are putting an unfair strain on your marriage.

Answer 6

Your husband isn't making love to you anymore because he's more than likely stressed due to not having a job. Most men, or rather all men loves to feel that he is king of his castle. He's probably used to being the bread winner of the house and now that he's not employed he feels useless, dependant, broke, etc. You have to show him that he's still the man of the house and that he's still needed in many ways. Make him understand that you feel neglected. Tell him that you miss him and you have been yearning to make love to him. Make him remember that he's still special to you no matter what. After all you 2 did make vows to marry for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse. Until death does you part. As for your son, get him involved in different activities. Take his x-box and computer away from him. Make him do chores. Or better yet put a timer on everything where only you have the pass word.

Answer 7

He probably has an online affair going on with someone. I am also in my 30's and I think the last time I frenched kissed my husband was over a year ago. We rarely make love too. Maybe it is marriage for some people. I feel like I am a roommate more than a wife in my own house.

Answer 8

There is something that is not clear at the end of your paragraph. Are you saying there's something he wanted to do, you wouldn't do it because it's against your beliefs, and then he stopped having sex with you? He doesn't work, and you pay all the bills? Why isn't he working? Is he disabled or just lazy? If he's just lazy, kick the bum out, and find yourself a real man. You wouldn't say what it is he wanted you to do, but as I see it, you have three choices. First, you can do what he wants, but tell him if you do, you want to have sex on a regular basis again. Second, you can leave him and find someone who will have sex with you. Third, you can go to counseling together to get the root of the problem. My ex-husband wouldn't have sex with me while we were newlyweds because I had gained weight. Stupid me thought he loved me and had married me for who I was on the inside, not what I looked like. I was wrong.

Good luck!

Answer 9

I hate to say it but it sounds like you have more of a problem on your hands other than the fact that he's not making love to you.

The fact that he doesn't have a job, you pay all the bills and all he does is ignore you for the X-Box and TV.....these are all RED FLAGS that he is using you for everything you are and have.

If I were you I'd have a serious talk with him and tell him how his behavior is affecting you. If he truly loves you, he will care about how this is tearing you apart inside and he will makes steps to improve his behavior. If he ignores you when you come to him and makes no changes, then you really should kick him out of your life IMMEDIATELY.

Answer 10

You need to talk to him and let him know how much this hurts you. Consider the possibility that he may be going through some sort of depression. If you have already tried speaking to him try again. And also ask your minister for advice. Is there someone he is close to who he might have confided in that you could ask about his behavior? Try that too. Get marriage counseling if needed. Do your best to try to save your marriage but understand that sometimes people change and even when you do your best it doesnt always work out that way.