I am 16,an absolute amateur,and I write for the love of writing.Be brutally honest,it will be helpful because I want to understand if I am made for a career in writing.
Remains
Tell me why I still feel a traitor
for having stopped to love you
even if it never mattered to you
when I did…
Tell me why even after vowing to myself
that I would not let it matter
I would still rather be in your shoes
when you are crying.
Tell me why I still feel hollow
because you are incomplete
what does it mean to me
whether or not you get what you deserve from life?
It does not matter to you!
Tell me why I cannot let go
although you have left me far behind-
so completely forgotten
you never ever needed me, did you?
Tell me why even as I say these things
my heart is turning over with pain-
at least it lets me know that I still do have a heart!
I feel shriveled up inside
the fire that burnt inside me so long has been put out,
it’s only the charred black that remains.
2007-01-09 05:24:48 · 19 answers · asked by Morphia 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
It is a poem - however - and take this with a grain of salt, it is teenaged angst poetry. its been written a thousand times, and no one really cares for it.
I having written a million of the things durning my younger years, understand that it has meaning , but is worthless as "good poetry"
if you enjoy writing keep at it. but do short stories till you understand that it is not angst that makes good poetry, but vivid snap shots of life.
you can slip in the occasional angsts but not a lot . good luck -
took me 3 years of trying to learn that and get one poem published. oh - and avoid www.poetry.com - its all a rip off.
2007-01-09 05:39:11 · answer #1 · answered by Tom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a very good poem. The way you set it out is really professional too. Ofcourse you are made for a career in writing. Ask your english teachers to take a look at the stuff you write in your own time to get their opinion on it. There's nothing better than to get real, worthy advice from a teacher who knows about these things and have themselves, studied English Literature. I think you would love to join an MSN Group called Creative Writers Worldwide. You can post all your writing pieces and people will give you great advice on how to improve your pieces. The group is made up of real writers who have published their work and all the advice over there is extremely valuable. Hope This Helps! & Good Luck! With Your Writing! :-)
2007-01-09 13:36:06 · answer #2 · answered by Roberta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your poem is good. I would like to tell you though that if you are passionate about writing, stick with it. Study and learn all you can about it. If it's what you really enjoy doing, try to make it in the field. It's very hard to be happy about the career you choose if you don't like it what your doing on a daily basis. Good luck!
2007-01-09 13:34:58 · answer #3 · answered by Texas Pineknot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wrote because you love to, therefore you are made for writing. It's like Sesame Street said about songs: "Don't worry if it's not good enough for anyone else to hear..."
Write what you feel. Share a piece of yourself with the reader. You'll find your voice.
Keep doing what you're doing.
2007-01-09 13:30:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love the fact that you are writing non-rhymers, but I find this poem to be too literal, i.e. not metaphoric enough. If you can understand a poem with your mind, it is not truly a poem. If you can only understand it with your heart, you are on to something. Having said that, it is excellent work for someone your age.
2007-01-09 13:29:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes its a very good poem it is very descriptive and very emotionally based.I think poems should reach out to people on many levels starting with the feeling of it...
M.G
2007-01-09 13:28:52 · answer #6 · answered by Malia G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great poem, I think you may have a future career as a writer.
2007-01-09 13:28:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its very saddening.
Some of it could be a little more refined. A few expressions are probably a little cliche.
But I like it I think you have talent, you have obviously felt these emotions deeply.
2007-01-09 13:32:02 · answer #8 · answered by Bohdisatva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it,s al right i make pomes some times, but never get then published. but as long as it come out of your heart it is great. so good luck. your on the right track.
2007-01-09 13:33:22 · answer #9 · answered by i,m here if you need to talk. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have read you poem, I really love it. I think that you promise to be a good poet.
And this is my advice to you, Stick with it! keep your nose to the grindstone!
2007-01-09 13:32:22 · answer #10 · answered by can 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋