What would you do?

Question

my husband i and i have seperated by his choice claming he loves me but is not in love with me. I am 8 months pregnant with his child...
This Sunday his band is playing a show and i have to go since i am the band manager, but it is very possible his new interest from work will be there. She is 17 he is 24, they are not dating there just friends for obvious age reasons. he is in contact with her via text message and phone. So my question to you is how do you deal with this possibility? should i tell him up front she should not be there or...??

I really need soem help with this whole thing, i feel so sick to my stomache! :(

I want to be the bigger person but i also just want to hurt both of them! HELP!

Answer 1

I would look so hot this Sunday. Not mention anything about his little girlfriend to him and act like I could care less about their relationship and her being there. Do your band manager thing and be professional. She's 17! It's not going to work as smoothly as he thinks so let him ride his own roller coaster while you look fantastic and think about your beautiful baby to come. He'll eventually want to come back when he sees his choices aren't the wisest.

Answer 2

honey whats wrong with you two is there is no love and there is no respect. Biblically a man is commanded to love his wife and a wife is commanded to respect her husband. THe problem is that if a wife does not get told she is loved the man gets no respect and then everything goes into the crazy cycle and all hell reaks loose. Because you are pregnant you are highly emotional and suspicious of your man and worse still critical and nagging so what do you do now? You override your feelings of inadequacy and jealousy and show him respect anyway. I doubt he is having an affair and I think you should merely keep calm and maintian integrity and dignity and even go as far as to apologise to him for not showing him the respect that he deserves. It might blow him away but if you want him back its the way to go. All men want is respect and all women want is love. If you want him to love you show him respect - its that simple he will soften towards you and when bvaby arrives will be overwhelmed with excitement. You have to stop operating in the negative and override the negative with positive thoughts. DOnt play the jealous wife. Just be calm and cool no matter how tough it is and if shes there befriend her - its the worst thing you could do!

My girl I really hope this works out for you.

Buy the book LOVE AND RESPECT by DR EMERSON EGGERICHS and read it slowly and over andover. It is so good and it will really work. THis book has saved many a marriage in the last few years and is highly recommended

MAy you have a wonderful and a happy future together.

Answer 3

If your husband is seeing a 17 year old, that's some prison time in our area (and a sexual predator label by the state). Please see the link below.

The "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" feeling is actually normal in marriage. There are times that the "in love" feeling goes in and out. Also, the honeymoon period gradually moves into a more stable love. I'm wondering if your husband thinks the "rush" goes on forever.

I think it's very reasonable to ask you husband not to bring the 17-year old child to your band show.

If you're trying to find some peace for yourself right now, the other website will be useful. It has "divorce" in the title, but is actually about saving marriages, or finding peace during difficult relationship issues.

Because of your pregnancy, I hope you will spend time finding ways to relax and recharge, such as walking, seeing family and friends, etc.

Answer 4

Holy cow this is a difficult situation! Yeah, you ARE the bigger person, his wife (separated or not), AND the mother of his child! I mean, C'mon! She's not even legal! SCREW THAT GUY!!! I would'nt give him the benefit of managing his band or your precious presence-but, easier said than done. Let's take a good look at his character. He dumps his 8-month along pregnate wife and is "in contact" with a 17-year-old. It sucks that he's your baby's father, but I would say if that little girl wants him-she can have him. Hopefully she rips his heart out and takes his money. Stupid groupie, anyways. Get a make-over, tell him he's dumb, and go just for the sole purpose of making her uncomfortable. If you're up for it, ask her what she thinks you should name your guys' baby.

Answer 5

I can tell you how to be the bigger person AND hurt both of them.
Move on with your life.
Quit being the band manager for a band your ex hubby is in, have the kids and forget as much as possible about him.
Your child/children don't need to go through the BS of you wasting your time on a love that quite frankly is over with.
You'd hurt him by saying "If you're not IN LOVE with me, forget you too." and hurt her by not acknowleging her at all. Plus you'll have more time to do other things that you love.

Answer 6

Move on with your life get a divorce get the child support. He will dump this one just like he has dumped you. Then sit back and watch his world come crashing in one day. Take care of your child and yourself . Find someone that treats you like a queen, not this jerk. You and your child deserve only the best. Tell the guy to go jump. If you are band manager you can keep anyone from the set, but why bother. When you see her just remember the piece of trash they both are and laugh at how stupid they are and they are fooling no one.

Answer 7

Age doesnt matter to him.. or he wouldnt be texting her and calling her all the time. I think they r probably further along their relationship than just friends. Tough situation to be in and i can understand ur frustrations and wanting to hurt them both. Especially since ur carrying his baby. You have 2 choices either tell him that he needs to hire a new manager and get out of his life until the baby is born, or try to work things out. I hope that he will be caring for ur baby and be there financially as well. Good luck!

Answer 8

It is a very complicated situation the one you are in, specially because you are pregnant, and that makes you extra sensitive and emotional.
What would I do? Well, I am pregnant too, and if my husband told me to separate, I would think he wants to be either temporary free for having an affair with that kid or that he doesn't care about me nor his baby!!! I would act strictly professional, and also decide (depending on the terms of the separation which you don't describe) to continue my life without him and let him go (yes, kick him out! you are pregnant of his baby for God's sake!) and I would go on with my baby, who he will have the right to see and the obligation to support. If he really loved me, and wanted to be with me and his child, he would do his best for not hurting me, specially considering the pregnancy.
To be honest, as you describe him, he is not morally worthy. A decent man would have waited at least for you to go out of this important stage of your lives!

Answer 9

That is such a cop out and play on words.....he loves me but is not in love with me. That is total BS!!! It seems to me that he just wants to play around. My advice to you.........quit the band......because sooner or later things will get bad. Chances are the reason why he's leaving you is because he's been cheating on you. I'm sure this wasn't the first one either. So in your place, I would divorce him for adultry, then get him for alimony, and child support. Also make sure the divorce decree says that he'll provide insurance for your baby...until it's at least 18. Best of luck to you girl........

Answer 10

I really feel for you. My 1st. husbaND kind of did that. He left me at 3months pregnant. Long story. My 2nd husband was having affair with the women a block a way from where I live at and where he use to live at. A month ago I had a funnel to go to and my husband was there with the pig he been having affair with. So I can feel you on this one. If you do decide to go. Do what I did. I went there showed my respect in your case it will be working keep your head straight, don't focus on what hes doing, don't even look at him or her. If you do don't look at her and if she says something act like she not even there. She just a kid. If your husband says something to you answer it in walk away. Your husband not going to leave her. He waiting until she turns 18 for he can have sex with her. Sorry to tell you that but that's the truth. PS I have to go at work I will continue later. Am back. I know your hurting in side. And when your pregnant is really bad. The hole time when I was pregnant I was very depress and cry-ed all the time. Sometimes my baby felt like coming out early. It was the stress my first husband gave me and it got worse when He called me to tell me she (the other women) was pregnant in the baby I was carry wasn't his and she having his baby.I had my baby by myself. I got drop-ed off at the hospital to have my baby. It was sad. Years have gone by. And right now your going though it. Just keep in mind at the end your going to be OK. Its him who not. This 17yr girl after a few yrs she not going what to be with him. He going to get his. What comes around goes around. Do a lot of prey and read self help books. Start to listen to the Dr. Laura C.Schlessinger talk radio show on 640am 12noon-3pm Mon-Fri Southern CA time. you will love it. It going to help you. And by the way don't tell him nothing. If he already invited her he not going to tell her not to go because you said so. Trust me on that. Right now you don't matter to him. Your feelings your thoughts. Nothing about you matters to him. I hate to tell you like that but it's the truth.Right now your husband wants his freedom.But remember your the one who going bloom this time next year. Right now its hard and you have to go though it. But at the end your the one who going to be the smart one. And take care that baby with great love and happiness. You can do it with God and believe and know that your a strong women and you will be a good mom. God bless you every day. Your not alone.