cold feet help!!!!!!?

Question

I'm engaged to a truly wonderful guy, and am so in love with him, and so excited to be with him forever. Still, sometimes I get really freaked out (out of nowhere), and start thinking about being on my own again, and find myself thinking "don't worry, you could dump him today if you wanted to" (I know this is horrible, but in these freaked out moments that actually comforts me). I need to stress that I DO NOT want to or like the thought of hurting him, but a small part of me is really distressed at the thought of setting myself into a life in which I couldn't walk away at the drop of a hat.

I've had one serious relationship before this one, but this is the first in which marriage was ever an option, so I've never dealt with any of these problems before. My fiance is my soulmate and I love him so, so much. This isn't about wondering what other fish are in the sea, it's about feeling nervous about being "tied down". Please, any serious advice is appreciated. I just need to be able to calm myself down in the (fairly rare) moments when I'm freaked out. Thanks in advance guys.

Answer 1

Everyone has cold feet. Your getting married but your not giving up your freedom. If he is truly your soul mate and a great guy you need to jump in with both feet because you might not ever get that chance again. You need to look at the positives and not the negatives. You can still make time for friends and family and eachother. Would you rather be alone and dependant with no soft place to fall or Be with him and have someone there to catch you and be your rock.
Marry him and have a wonderful life. I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

Getting married to my wife was the easiest decision I have ever made, and I have never regretted it. However, even I had cold feet before the ceremony.

The thought that troubled me was the concept of "forever." The rest of my life is a very long time, I thought. And I'm a very different person now than I was five years ago. Who's to say what I'll be like in another five? Will I still feel the same?

Then I thought, one of the reasons why I have grown and changed for the better in the past five years is because of this woman I'm about to marry. She has made me want to become a better person, and she says that I do the same for her.

If you can say all this about the man you're engaged to, then I don't think you'll ever regret this decision -- either five years from now or fifty.

Answer 3

You sound like you love this guy. Marriage is a commitment. Judging by the way you say "walking away at the drop of a hat" is a lot of bull crap. Don't worry about it. Take a deep breath and just do it. The anticipation is worse than the actual act. I felt the same day on my wedding day, but it flies by so quick! I wake up every morning and thank God I got over MY insecurities and took a chance at sharing my life with a wonderful guy. I don't regret it and we got married in September. Just remember: A lot of marriages end up in divorce, but that is other people, not you.

Answer 4

It's GREAT that you think that way about marriage!! because marriage should be taken seriously.. if most people thought before they married we'd probably have less divorce.

You gotta ask your self what bothers you about the relationship. Have you talked about your future together how many kids you want, will you be an at home mom. What are his expectations as well as yours etc. All this stuff should be talked about prior to a marriage often people just make the mistake of jumping into a marriage with out really knowing the other person and it doesn't always end well.
Just talk to your man, tell him how you feel and if he feels the same way. Believe me this doesn't mean you doubt your love for him. It shouldn't hurt him. This just means you love him enough and care enough about your future together...and that you want to ensure you are both right for each other.

Good for you girl! and CONGRATULATIONS!!

Answer 5

Being tied down isn't necessarily a bad thing unless he tries to limit you. If you love him enough to share your future with him, that's good, and that should be what it's all about. If he gives you space to be yourself and doesn't try to change you, still good. However, if he tries to control you by not wanting you to do things without him or expecting you to change to meet his needs, you want to re-think this marriage. It's probably just normal cold feet-I freak out sometimes too ;-)

Answer 6

I felt this way right before my wedding. I had been in love with my husband since I was 13 I never had a dought in my mind. But when it was official and we were getting married panic came over me like I was stuffed in a box. But I relaxed and got married and I have never ever had that feeling again. My husband and I are so happy and we have been married for four years now. So I think it's normal and if you know it is right then do it. I don't think you will regret it. Good luck!

Answer 7

OK hon i understand exactly how you feel i am now married and have been married since October 10 2006 and my husband and i have been together since i was 15 and on my wedding day as well as months before i actually got married i got cold feet i mean the day of my wedding right as i was about to say i do i was thinking about running out the door but i didn't because i can really see my self with him for the rest of my life just think about it can you see yourself growing old with him and having his children? if so then don't worry

Answer 8

Tied down? Is he going to put a weight around your ankles and toss you in the lake? Duct tape you to a chair?

I guess it's my warped perception that I am not "tied down" to my spouse, nor he to me - we are together. There is no limitation on what we do - we just tend to do it together. We respect the sanctity of our marriage - and we see life through two people going one direction. We both have seperate interests, and we do things independently of each other, but all of life's major issues (good and bad) we go through together.
Stop thinking of what you're losing - but what you're gaining - someone to always do the great things with (and take out the trash!)

Answer 9

If you are engaged then stay that way for awhile to see how things go. Don't set a wedding date until you feel comfortable inside. If you still feel that way after a few months then consider taking some time away from him to see how you would feel without him. It is hard to commit.

Answer 10

You're probably just scared of the unknown...you know, not knowing if yalls relationship will survive or fail...If you know that he is your soulmate and he is the love of your life then you have nothing to worry about...yall will always be able to work out problems if yall are truly meant for eachother, but if you have any doubt that he isn't the one for you then you're probably right!