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My boyfriend have been together for about 4 years. We have been through a lot of hard times together. He was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder about a year ago and is on Meds for it. I know mainly all the symptoms of the disorder. It seems as though some of the negative things haven't changed...why?
EXample...he drinks a lot, almost daily...not to excess, but on the weekends he does. He sometimes drives dangerously..(sometimes with a beer in his hand!!!!) , he spends money like it's going out of style, and he is still having weird moods....all this and he is on 2000mg of Depakote daily.

Anyone have any experience with bipolar disorder in people? I'm not looking for usless answers so don't bother if you don't know. Thank you.

2007-01-09 04:31:27 · 22 answers · asked by lizbabe01 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

22 answers

I have Bi-Polar disorder.
I was diagnosed a little over 9 years ago. I have been with my husband for almost 9 years as well.
As you can imagine, this is a VERY difficult thing to manage- in general, but more so in a relationship. Because what goes on with the personal having the disorder does not only effect them, but those closest to them.
Many people with Bi-polar disorder find that their mate cannot handle it, and often seperate- if the two does not work as a team to fight the symptoms and causes.
Being with your boyfriend is not EVER going to be easy. medication may help- as it should, but this will NEVER go away. You have to also understand that most if the things you know about him are actually traits from being Bi-polar.

My husband and I work very hard- EVERY day. There is never a day in which either of us can simply slack off at being attentive to Bi-polar needs.
Something which may help you- and I highly recomend, a book called LOVING SOMEONE WITH BI-POLAR DISORDER by Julie Fast. You may have to order this. But this will out line things that will ring bells in your ears- and also act as a workbook for you to better understand, and work together to aid with his symptoms.

1. Drinking with Bi-polar disorder is an absloute NO! Chemically, it cause the brain to do more abnormal things than most people- who are drinking. The combination of ANY kind of depressant when you are Bi-polar is a totall disaster waiting to happen. This is something he MUST give up- or have VERY LITTLE of on rare occasion. No ****!

When you are Bi-polar, your objective is to stabalize your mood and brain activity so that you can function 'more' normally. Taking a depressant (like drinking) will offset what you are trying to do- something that you don't want to do at ANY level, ever! Same thing goes the other way around, like with a stimuli. NEVER take any kind of social drugs! You even have to be carefull with over the counter drugs, even caffene should be cut out of his diet as well.

Think of it as walking a tightrope. You have to balance yourself, if you were to push or pull on this rope while you are on it, you risk the chance of something seriously bad happening. Falling off? This could be your mood swing right there. You have to make it TOP priority to keeps this rope totally smooth and stable.

2. Driving dangerous. This is a totally normal and 'expected' symptom, but this does not make it okay.
Generally, it stems from a form of mood swing. One of many you will soon come to see very clearly.

3.Spending money. Also another form of a swing. This one can happen because of a low, or a high. This is the depressive state vs. mania.

4. The medication is something that needs to be checked often. I don't know when he started taking this, but it usually does not take full effect for several months- and even then, it's still adjusting. This is a medication that targets the brain, and are not to be taken lightly. Such a missing doses.

Depakote is s good mood stabalizer. If he has begun this rather recently, he is probobly still having frequent blood draws to check his levels. He should be working with his Dr. on this- to obain to nessary level. If he is not allready, he needs to have a Psyh. Dr. to manage his meds. His general Dr. can start this, but he will need to move to a Psych. Dr. if he has not allready.

For you:
Your patience will go MILES with him if he is having a swing. This is not to say that you should sit back idle while he does something totally dangerous. But when he becomes angry and says or yells things that are horrible and/or non sensicle you need to know that this is generally NOT personal. Even if he is saying things about you! Bi-polar disorder cause so many things, including a loose tounge.
As I said, you should check out that book. You will being to see that alot of what you know about him- will be alot of Bi-polar symptoms. You will have to work with him to sort through the diffrences, so you can know the real him- the things that are not caused by the disorder.

And the BEST advice that I can give you:
Work as a team to discover what you can do to better the situation. Learn as much as you can about this disorder, so you can better manage it. This is a VERY serious mentall illness.
But sadly, if he is unwilling to do these things- (because of fear, not being ready, or unacceptance)- YOU are in a very bad situation. And you will need to re-evaluate you stance on this relationship because Bi-polar disorder can destroy you as well. It is totally unhealthy to sit back and let it controll both your lives. But as long as there are improvments- your on the right track. Simple as being able to count the days that things are smooth.

Also, don't get your expections too high. Medication will help, but he is not in total controll of what happens to him alot of the time. Medication will not prevent this, but hopefull soften the edges. Be very supportive, but watch out for yourself as well.

Being with someone who is Bi-polar makes you the 'caretaker'. You have to be able to aid him in need, but be firm and put your foot down and not allow behaviors such as drinking, drinking & driving. Do not allow him to controll the situation, because he is not of sound mind when these things occur. You need to be the voice and somtimes hand of reaosn. Keep your head screwed on straight and stay calm- if this is possible. This is generally your most diffucult task. Otherwise, you'll add fuel to the fire. But if you cannot help him, then you need to seek assistance from others. You cannot allow very dangerous/violent/destructive situations to continue. It's going to almost feel like parenting... something to work with/think about.

2007-01-09 09:11:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

I do have experience with this. I grew up with a mother who wasn't diagnosed until I was 17........so it was a crazy childhood.

It's a complicated disorder and it seems he may be dealing with some other issues as well. Alcohol is conteracting the medication he is on, so that's the first sign. Perhaps he's got some addiction issues? We all know that alcohol is a depressant. The out of control shopping is part of the manic phase as is the crazy driving and thinking they are invincable.

Does he have Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD)? Did his birth mother drink (at all) while she was pregnant with him? FASD can lead to all the problems you're describing, including bi-polar disorder. If this is a possibility - read Damaged Angels by Bonnie Buxton.

In the end, it looks like your boyfriend needs to have more serious monitoring and rehab. BUT, he has to WANT to get his life under control if it is to happen.

You are right to be concerned and whatever the outcome, his behaviour is not normal and his bi-polar disorder is not being managed properly. Go and speak to his doctor if you can.

Good Luck!

2007-01-09 12:44:47 · answer #2 · answered by Turtleshell 3 · 1 0

I've seen the results of bipolar disorder. While it can be responsible for some of his behavior, it is not the full problem here. The meds will help but he needs to get these other things under control. The first thing he needs help with is his addiction to alcohol. This is an issue that messes with the meds ability to do their job fully. Meds alone are not the answer to his problem, bipolar is serious condition that requires the patient to change their life style, some times including counseling. This is a long term problem that will require constant work to get through.

2007-01-09 12:39:49 · answer #3 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1 0

He may be on a medication that doesn't work well for him, or he may need more of it. Sometimes medication for anxiety, depression, and bi-polar disorder is tricky, and people need to try more than one to get the best balance of benefits vs. side effects.

Is he receiving any therapy or psychiatry at this time? Some of his behavior could be due not only to the pathology of the disorder, but some emotional/behavior reasons as well. He may benefit a lot from seeing a professional if he is not already. Also, in ADDITION to his individual therapy, couples therapy may be helpful for the two of you. And please don't ignore the impact his diagnosis has had on you too. It's extremely hard on family members, spouses, and partners when loved ones receive such a diagnosis, and some counseling for you might be a good idea.

If he is under pretty managed care right now (i.e. he is already going to therapy regularly and seeing his doctor) you might bring these observations up to his health care providers. As I said, often times it's just a matter of time before the right medication in the right dosage is found.

Take care and good luck!

2007-01-09 12:38:58 · answer #4 · answered by P_P_K 3 · 1 0

My daughter is bipolar, and I also notice some of these symptoms. The drinking is not good, that is self medicating. Her impulse spending has never been under control, she gets paid every two weeks and the week she doesn't get paid she has no money. She is now on Wellbutrin, but has been on several combinations of meds, some doped her up too much and she couldn't function. She is a single parent and will probably always live with us. She has been to psychiatrists, therapists, and group counseling. I don't have any real advice, except to hang in there.

2007-01-09 12:39:37 · answer #5 · answered by smartypants909 7 · 0 0

I am mildly bi-polar and to me it sounds like the meds aren't working. Maybe he needs to be put on a different kind. Also, there are sometimes underlying reasons that make us act out. Maybe there are issues in his past that he needs to deal with that can't be fixed with meds. He should not only be seeing a doctor for medication but he should be talking to someone as well. It also depends on how long he's been on the medicine. Sometimes it takes several months for them to really enact a change in someone's personality. So if it hasn't been too long then just give it time and suggest to him that he cut down on the drinking, it can have negative affects on his medicine and cause him to go to one extreme or the other, until he's become more level on the regular.

2007-01-09 12:37:43 · answer #6 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 1 0

The drinking is probably from dression. Is he going to any counsling at all to deal with the depression? I think some of the things you may think of as semptems are not they are just the way he is such as the spending of money. With bi polar they have ups and downs with server depression and then just really good moods and full of energy. I'm curious how he is doing with the depression. If it hasn't inproved perhaps you could go with him to the doctor and see about changing meds. I have been with my bf for 2yrs and his meds have been changed and increased so many times its hard to keep track but as far as the drinking he stoped that 6months ago on his own and is doing well. Good luck

2007-01-09 12:49:39 · answer #7 · answered by wendy 2 · 0 0

OK first off bipolar disorder can be controlled without medication if the person wants to control it and the beer thing is not because of his disorder but it does not help it and drinking while taking depakote can be fatal the driving wildly is on him not hos disorder i should know i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when i was 7 years old and i am now almost 20 the spending money is also not because of his disorder the weird moods on the other hand could be or he could be doing it on purpose and just using his disorder as a crutch and that is what it sounds like i mean i have been off of all of my medications for over a year and i still have mood swings but i have my disorder under control so i know that it can be done not only that but i am learning to control it because of my aunt she also has bipolar disorder and she is teaching me how to control my disorder instead of letting it control me.

2007-01-09 12:43:22 · answer #8 · answered by leespitt 3 · 0 3

I have known many people with bipolar disorder. I think you need to discuss this with his doctor maybe the medzs he is on is not the right dosage for him. Do this soon because if hes getting that dangerous he is going to end up hurting himself and maybe someone else in the process. his doctor will understand your concerns and will help. Also talk with your partner about getting help with his drinking. some of the meds that treat bipolar disorder you are not supposed to drink with and that can make it worse. The meds he is on will not help with the drinking problem he has to do that. there is help available if he wantrs it but he has to be willing to help himself first.

2007-01-09 12:39:52 · answer #9 · answered by Kim 2 · 0 0

I myself am bipolar and 22 years old.....drinking while on that medication can be extremely dangerous and if he is still doing wreckless behaviour such as drinking and driving it is pretty obvious that he is not well medicated and not on the correct medications. Spending money and all the weird moods also give more indication of this.....he needs to go back to the psychiatrist to get adjusted and a good one too because they need to sit him down and talk to him about what alcohol and medicine mixed will do to him. He needs to tell them all about his sporatic behaviours and be honest with them. BE sure to go to a mental health professional and not a regular MD because many of them do not have experience with the disorder.

2007-01-09 12:37:59 · answer #10 · answered by Lindsay H 1 · 1 0

yeah, it seems they enjoy the thrill seeker behavior you've mentioned more than anything. even on medicines, my family member is unreasonable and gets confused when we're talking about a topic that is touchy, like misinterpretet things in a wrong way. they have weird moods, ask random questions that make no sense, laugh out loud for no reason (it makes me paranoid when this happens) and spends the money like that too. I dont know what is happening when this happens, so I wish I could help, but am only saying I understand what you are going through. research the condition

2007-01-09 12:42:51 · answer #11 · answered by christinedaae 3 · 1 0

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