How can i become more talkative and fun to be around?

Question

Am 25 yrs old guy,battling with shyness.I have been having this problem since i was a little boy.I have become a very quiet guy as a result and mostly very boring to be around.I have been very afraid of people or mingling with them and as a result lost most of my friends including friendship with relatives.People say am antisocial and leave in my own world and therefore behave as am too special to be with other people.This always hurt me cuz i don't want be seen as that.I want to have friends,have fun and enjoy life but its just that am always afraid that by hanging with them will make them dislike me cuz of my extreme quietness and my lack of humor.Sometimes i get invited to parties or some social events or lunches or going to clubs or having drinks but i always decline saying am too busy while i don't anything to do.I have tried being social sometimes but i always find myself having nothing to say or anything fun.I would like to enjoy life as others do and be fun and be liked.

Answer 1

Hey Steve,

It sounds like you're an introvert. Don't worry about it too much; 25% of us are. My thoughts are:

(1) Remember to like yourself for who you are. I know that's easy to say, but it really is important. After all, it's much easier for people to like you if you already think good things about yourself. Conversely, it's easier for them to wonder about you if you don't even like yourself. After all, who knows you better than...you? :)

(2) Don't try to change yourself too much. Instead, find situations that work for you. I know, personally, I detest most large social gatherings. (Surprise -- a lot of people do!) The ones that I don't mind are those where I know and like most of the people and the ones where there's something real going on (a sporting event to watch, a bake sale going on, etc.) You may find the same works for you. Or maybe just hang out with one friend at a time so you don't feel overwhelmed. Just going to a bar bites and it especially bites for introverts. Don't do it. It's not worth it.

(3) Watch the news and read interesting stuff. It'll give you something to talk about.

(4) Forget about your discomfort with others (again, easy to say!!) and try to focus on learning more about them. You might even want to practice asking questions at home. ("So, what do you do for a living?" and "That sounds interesting -- how did you choose that field?") Ask questions (judiciously -- don't interrogate :) ) that will elicit longer answers. Those answers should give you something to add on to ("Oh? You went to Michigan for your undergraduate? Me, too!")

Hope this helps. Keep the faith. It gets easier. :)

Answer 2

When invited to social events go. May be uncomfortable at first but it will get better.

Join a club. I was in a science fiction club for years.

Find a job that requires you to speak to the public face to face. This helps also.

Answer 3

I spent the first half of my life as you are. Then one day I decided to change. So every day I would go to a pool room and play pool. Then people would come up and challenge me. The next thing I new I had many friends. I'm 63 now.

Answer 4

this is called avoidant personality disorder ' caused by an extreme shyness which leads peopel to avoid others. i know what this is like, I have suffered similarly. now you see... if you get invited to something. you shoudl go. because if you dont go, then you definatley wont have any fun. you shoudl go and make the most of it. if it sucks, you can assess the situation as to what you can do next time to not make it suck so much. hope that helps

Answer 5

not to endorce alcohol or anything, but have a drink or two to loosen things up a bit. Also...don't be afraid to give someone a compliment. Tell someone you like their shirt and it'll probably get them to start talking to you.

Answer 6

practice,

Say hello to everyone, ask someone each day how their day is.. and Listen. It takes effort to get out of the shells we build for ourselves.